Kathy Griffin: Hollywood’s Stale Chocolate Easter Bunny.

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When Kathy Griffin dies and God asks her what she did with her life, I wonder if she’ll be dumb enough to lie about it to the Big Guy, or if she’ll truthfully answer I was a mean-spirited ginger leech that made a career off people more successful than I.

Kathy Griffin comes from the same school of thought as Jeneane everyone is dumb but my haiku public policy poet friend Rosie O’Donnell Garofalo.  Personally, I find this odd coming from someone who can’t even get

through an Anderson Cooper New Years Eve broadcast without making a fool out of herself. Regardless, again and again the question comes up: Why are these people so angry? Why is someone so “liberated” from religion that they’re okay telling Jesus to “suck it,” perpetually agitated?

No matter what you think of Sarah Palin (I bet we can guess Christopher Buckley’s position), I can’t really ever recall her ever being mean-spirited in an interview. I do recall other people with a penchant for cheap jokes and low blows. Even if we include Dave “Secret Intern CBS Adultery Lair” Letterman and Bill “my own audience thinks I’m nuts” Maher, we wouldn’t be scratching the surface of bitter liberal talking heads with an unhealthy obsession of wishing ill-will on those who disagree with them.

I think one of the driving forces behind the creation of “the bitter liberal” is moral relativism. People who don’t believe humanity was “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights” – people who believe there are no universal truths and who live only to please themselves – find the existence they’ve carved out to be rather hollow. And instead of taking a step back and reevaluating their world view they allow that little gnawing hollowness inside them grow until they might as well be a stale, chocolate Easter bunny. Ironic, isn’t it Kathy?

Now if you’ll excuse me, it looks like I have another vacuous human being to read up on. Although, unlike Kathy, I’m cognizant of the fact that he’s much more dangerous than she.

Yippie Ki-yay…Steve Doocy. Bruce Willis is Sheer Awesomeness.

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It was a toss-up tonight. I was either going to blog on the sheer awesomeness of Bruce Willis inspired by his cameo in a Gorillaz video, or Steve Doocy (he’s got a fever, and the only prescription is more nepotism!) Bruce Willis won, which means Doocy gets a reprieve…for now. It’s probably better that way; I’d rather write about someone who is in good company with patriots like Michael Yon than Fox and Sons who get that big break because their dad’s on the payroll Friends.

Bruce Willis admits he has a conservative streak in his veins. How deep is it? I’m not sure. He does mediocre buddy cop movies with liberal guys who are threats to national security.

But that’s what I like about Bruce Willis-he gets along with everyone (even Hollywood guys who hang out in liberal echo chambers), and he’s willing to take chances. For every misstep there’s a Hartigan or a John McClane or David Dunn.

Bruce Willis takes chances that sometimes blow your mind and sometimes come up short, but he almost always plays the hero. And when he’s “on”, he’s on. He’s noble. He’s tough. He’s no-nonsense, and he gets the job done. Bruce Willis is a rarity today, like Clint Eastwood.

Speaking of which, Eastwood has a connection with Gorillaz as well. And since I have a writing background, coming full circle like this dictates I bring this post to an end.

Yippie ki-yay...Steve Doocy.

In short, love your conservative movie icons. They don’t come around too often. Yet. And we need to do what we can to cultivate more men like him, because if we don’t we’ll one day have a world where Steve Doocy rules. And when that happens we’re all dead.

I’m just kidding. Sort of.

Christopher Buckley: Elitist Conservative Simpsons Comic Book Guy.

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It seems as though Chistopher Buckley can no longer deny that he was wrong. Really, really, wrong. Instead of concentrating on why it happened, I’d like to concentrate on why he’s the elitist conservative circle’s Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. Sure, it would be easy to liken Christopher to Homer in this situation – especially since they both bought into hopeandchange – but that analogy ultimately misses the mark. And sure, Buckley has a Professor Frink education, but that too falls short.

I wouldn't trade my love for Christopher Buckley for Amazing Fantasy #15!

It’s the condescension that only the Comic Book guy possesses within The Simpsons universe that is classic Christopher Buckley (Or David Frum, but that’s another blog for another time). It’s the “I know better than you, rube” demeanor that oozes from his being that demands someone go “Clubber Lang” on him in response. It’s the kind of mentality that processes Sarah Palin and let’s out a Darth Vader-worthy “Noooooo!” before ever listening to a word she says.

The Christopher Buckley’s of the world don’t get it that people like you and I can read Eric Hoffer’s True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements on a Monday night, and then get psyched over a repeat showing of Rambo First Blood on Tuesday. They don’t understand how some of us can appreciate Milton’s Paradise Lost AND GNR’s Paradise City.

And the kind of mentality that doesn’t get you and I for those reasons produces conservatives who will vote for a liberal like Obama if they feel he listens to Vivaldi’s Four Seaons: Spring.

Well, I got news for “conservatives” like that: “Murdock…I’m coming to get YOU.”

MSNBC Cocktail Party Conservatives Beware.

Liberalism: The World’s Rick Moranis

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If you’ve read this blog you know I’m a pop-culture junkie, which means that Allahpundit over at hotair has left me no choice but to wrap my arms around his blog post like Steven Guttenberg would a little baby.

Anyone wondering why liberal Hollywood would remake Police Academy should also wonder why liberal Hollywood always goes back to the proven public policy box office bombs peddled by progressives throughout history.

Personally, the majority of the time I look at liberalism as an ideology modeled on the life work of Rick Moranis. Sure, liberals always portray themselves as cool (and they’ve done a good job marketing it, I’ll admit that), but it can be delegitimized if we get a few astute observers pointing out that often times their social experiments shrink things (i.e., the economy), blow things up (i.e., federal deficits), or become monsters with a life of their own (i.e., endless entitlement programs). And sometimes…they befriend the world’s Gozer clones (e.g., Sean Penn’s man-crush on Hugo Chavez).

Allah then goes on to mention another important point in a recent thread, which will carry this blog post home:

“The government is no more evil than are big corporations, Wall Street bankers, university professors, media barons, Pentagon generals or anybody else. I am sick of the way our government leaders and our financial titans behave, and I think they do not have the best interest of the country at heart. But to declare them as an entire class ‘evil’ is not only to be unserious about the challenges facing us, but it’s also to run the risk of a kind of utopian thinking that can destroy lives and whole societies.”

Just because the Ideology of Rick Moranis sometimes cuddles up with creatures from another dimension that could bring about hell on earth, it’s still dangerous to start sliming people as “evil” with whom we disagree. That’s why I stick to things like Barack Obama: America’s Orko. Because when you start demonizing your critics, you turn into Janeane Garafalo and Rosie O’Donnell.

Barack Obama: America’s Orko.

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I was watching President Obama try to link efforts to give the American people European-style government-run health care to the efforts of olympic athletes when I remembered how much like Orko from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe he is (I tweeted about it long ago, but this demands over 140 characters).

For those of you who remember Orko, he was the lovable magician whose solutions to everyone’s problems usually caused more trouble than they were worth. Sure, he was a good guy, but when he reached into a magic hat and pulled whatever came out to solve his world’s problems it seldom worked.

Likewise, whether it was the stimulus that didn’t stimulate, the belief that talking with Holocaust-denying mullah nuts would deter them from going nuclear, or the assertion that entitlement expansion is somehow “entitlement reform,” the liberalism espoused by President Barack “Orko” Obama isn’t the answer for the United States of America.

Liberals are like the repairman who says he’s going to fix your leaky kitchen faucet, but when he leaves you find your upstairs bathroom toilet overflowing.  Suddenly, you have water damage to an entire wing of your house, and instead of shutting off the water, ditching the carpet, and fixing the ceiling, your liberal handyman suggests upending one-sixth of the US economy building you a brand new house (using your neighbor’s money).

Unlike liberals, I don’t liken those I disagree with to blood sucking vampires. I think the President’s plans are incredibly scary, but I also believe in his mind he’s doing what’s best for the country (even if sending Ashton Kutcher to deal with people who kill you with radioactive isotopes is a viable option). I could have likened Barack Obama to Skeletor, but I don’t usually like to do stuff like that. Like I said, I think of Barack Obama as an amiable, bumbling fool with public policy ideas that are downright frightening. Like Jimmy Carter.

The same kids who loved Orko as a kid, love Obama as an adult. The same kids who thought Jar Jar Binks was cool will probably vote for the next liberal cult of personality. And ALL of them think Jimmy Carter defines success. Isn’t that right, Mika Brzezinski?

Shutter Island, Liberalism, and YOU.

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I saw Shutter Island last night, and I must say it’s a great film for anyone looking to take the wind out of their Friday sails. I think the most uplifting part of my night was the Iron Man 2 trailer. After that, it was all insanity and sad stories and Nazi Germany war crime flashbacks.

With that said, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character,Teddy Daniels, asks a great question at the end of the film: “Is it better to live as a monster or die a good man.”

I promise I won’t ruin the film like someone who tells you Bruce Willis is dead at the end of Sixth Sense, but I would like to draw some parallels between this film and the federal government:

Teddy Daniels gets himself stuck in a federal penitentiary for the criminally insane. Many of the inmates don’t even know they’re locked in an insane asylum. They put up mental barriers to block any knowledge that the federal government is holding them, and often concoct rosy realities to deal with their loss of freedom.

In some ways our world is the flip side of that coin: very sane people like Peggy Joseph, who I mentioned shortly before seeing the movie, are actually trapped in a federal prison without even knowing it. And yes, they’re so deluded that they think Barack Obama will make their mortgage payments!

As I mentioned yesterday, government dependence is like a drug. It saps the will of free people, making them less likely to realize their full potential. It’s the federal government saying, “You need me,” when…you don’t.

Think back on your own life milestones. Think back to all those moments where you had to dig and scratch and claw and fight for something you weren’t sure was attainable–and the moment where you questioned whether you had the strength or the intelligence or will to go on—right before you succeeded. How did you feel afterward? If you’re like me you were shocked, heartened, and invigorated. And if you’re like me you were a little disappointed in all the times you second-guessed yourself and thought about giving in, knowing that if you had done so the success before you would never have happened.

And THAT is what a massive federal government takes away from its people. And THAT is a crime. Politicians who promise you the stars in the sky at someone else’s expense (e.g., “fat cat” businessmen, “Big Oil”, “Wallstreet”, etc.) aren’t telling you the whole truth. Sure, they’re taking money from a third party and redistributing wealth (which is also wrong), but they’re also stealing something much more important than money—from you. They’re stealing the spark that turns what’s special inside of you into an explosion of technology, art, ideas, businesses, and acts of greatness that benefit all mankind. And you should be livid. And you should be angry. And you should not drink the water.

Because when you refuse to take their little pills, they’ll be the ones who go insane.

Marvel’s Captain Liberal America finally exposed

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Big Hollywood is already poking fun at Marvel for the newest issue of Captain America that portrays the Tea Party movement as a bunch of racist extremist nut cases. However, this really isn’t anything new for Marvel.

Recently, the Civil War story line was Marvel’s Bush allegory wet dream (that lasted for months). After that there was Secret Invasion, which saw Captain America finally die for a bizarre liberal interpretation of “civil liberties” for super hero – and by extension super villain – communities.

Question for Marvel: In a world where your neighbor could walk into your house, rape your wife and kids on a daily basis, and then mind-wipe you so you never remembered it happened, wouldn’t the government have a vested interest in knowing about it? Wouldn’t it make sense to have a running list of how many people could blow up entire city blocks if they got cranky or their significant other cheated on them? Apparently not to Captain Liberal America, who in recent years should have donned a smurf blue UN helmet and renamed himself Captain Appeasement.

Do a little research into Cap’s exploits over the years and you’ll find no shortage of racist, xenophobic, bigoted Americans in Steve Rogers’ rogues gallery. When Cap isn’t fighting redneck extremists he’s often battling villains who were created by his own government.

How many years has it been since September 11th and how many al Qaeda plots has Captain America thwarted? Where are the Black Ops in Afghanistan? I know the answer, but this is a blog post and not a book on how big of a comic nerd I am.

In short: Marvel’s post 9/11 Captain America story lines have been pathetic displays of moral relativism that only dared to pass judgment if the subject of scorn is the United States of America.

Planet Gibbs enters Twitter Universe.

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If White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has decided he’s going to offer up his unique blend of unpreparedness with unwarranted self-esteem on Twitter, then it appears I now have no choice but to begin chronicling it all here.

With the Gibbsian stream-of-consciousness now being tweeted on a daily basis, a blog is the only way I’ll be able to fight the urge to turn my own Twitter account into a response factory to the one man who could make Scott McClellan look like a pro…

Personally, I pine for the days of Arie Fleischer. He was like this brilliant little sock monkey who could smack down Hellen Thomas’ inane questions at will. He enjoyed a good intellectual joust, but he was an affable guy.

Tony Snow was great, but he was like a Press Secretary Superman. I loved the guy, and he was an ideal Pres Sec, but I like my heroes with a few minor flaws in them, which is probably why I’m more of a Batman kind of guy.