Devo Calls Palin Stupid. Swiffer Wet Jet Commericals Not Paying the Bills.

You know that Devo has milked "Whip It" for all it's worth when they start Palin bashing. It's been a good couple of decades, but the search for relevance always begins by taking pot shots at a prominent conservative.

What do you do when you’re a has-been band that needs to wear weird headgear for people to recognize you? If you’re Devo you sell out by doing Swiffer Wet Jet commercials. And when that’s done you insult Sarah Palin. Devo has long talked about the theory of “de-evolution”, and in a recent interview they state that Sarah Palin’s popularity is proof of that theory.

One wonders what “evolved” humans like Devo believe. Perhaps in their world it’s okay when the Congressional Budget Office, the Office of Management and Budget, and the U.S. Department of Treasury report soaring deficits. Our national debt isn’t going to be the end of us—it’s just “evolving.” Likewise, universal truths and rights aren’t enshrined in the Constitution; it too “evolves,” (preferably to a New Wave soundtrack).

Spinner magazine’s Mike Doherty must really like Devo, because the tried-and-true method for any liberal past their prime is to screech about the conservative target de rigueur. Searching for relevance? Today’s target is Sarah Palin. Asked about Palin’s bus tour, Devo’s Gerald Casale replied:

Say no more. We rest our case. We’ve often said this, but if somebody in 1980 with a crystal ball had showed you the world in 2011, you would have thought it was a cheap, B-movie sci-fi dystopia that would in fact never happen, and dismissed it. Now it’s here, in all of its horror. You talk about stupid, you can’t beat Sarah Palin!

Sarah Palin travels around the United States, speaking extemporaneously on a number of public policy issues. She does so, knowing that the media is recording every word—waiting for her to slip up—so that they can push the perception of her as a dolt through yet another news cycle. Devo? They have “Whip It” on constant rotation for friendly audiences looking to relive the 80’s, if only for a few hours. And why wouldn’t they? The 80’s were a great time. Ronald Reagan was busy getting the economy back on track, winning the Cold War, and rebuilding the military so it could be prepared for the wars of the 21st century. Critics called him stupid too—and then the Berlin Wall came down.

According to Devo, human evolution peaked, “right after the A-bomb, a last hurrah.” That’s interesting, considering some of the gems that took place in the decades that followed. I’d ask Devo if they thought the Great Society and the “War on Poverty” were the marks of enlightened men, or if they just contributed to burning down the house?

Everyone knows who Sarah Palin is. Devo? They’re lucky if someone confuses them with The Talking Heads, which is why they’re relegated to taking pot shots at her in online Canadian magazines.

Good luck on that new album, guys. If you want some exposure maybe you should consider opening up for Sarah Palin.

Feminists: Silent on Iranian Stoning, Shrieking at Palin.

Because Iran hasn’t perfected its nuke program (yet) it still has to deal with Western diplomatic pressure and “ugly hostility” to things like stoning women to death:

“The hue and cry that the West has launched over this case will not affect our judges,” [Mohammed Javad Larijani] said. “The implementation of Islamic regulations like stoning and the headscarf have always been faced with their ugly hostility and opposition.”

Indeed. And once upon a time the Brits had an “ugly hostility” to suttee (i.e., the Indian tradition of turning widows into flesh-flavored roasted marshmallows by throwing them on a funeral pyre).

The funny thing about liberal muti-culturalists is that even though they

Liberal American feminists care more about what Sarah Palin says on Facebook than fighting for the rights of women who are actually oppressed. Telling.

spend their days on American college campuses bashing the pillars of Western Civilization (while thinking of ways to liken the cave doodles of random tribes to the works of Shakespeare), the uglier aspects of other cultures are never mentioned.

What’s also interesting is the deafening silence among American liberal feminists and their allies in academia on the affronts to individual liberties faced by women in the muslim world. They seem to get more bent out of shape about what Sarah Palin writes on Facebook on a daily basis than muslim clerics who are trigger happy to declare holy war on the social networking website.

The left likes to say that the conservatives seek a perpetual state of war, yet the “war” over women’s rights was largely won (in the United States) a long time ago. So why then do they continue to treat Middle America as the main theater for a cultural battle that needs to be fought overseas.  Why aren’t liberal “feminist cultural warriors” parachuting into Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, and Indonesia? Perhaps because:

  • They’re not the 101st Airborne Division
  • They would be “stoned” to death, which is somewhat related to not being an American infantryman, but mostly due to the fact that air conditioned meeting rooms on college campuses with brown bag lunches provided gratis is preferable to getting slammed in the face with boulders until you die.  Why actually engage in a real cultural battle when you can convince yourself the one that was won long ago is still going on?

The next time your liberal college professor tries to tell you that the United States doesn’t have any more or less moral clout than a nation that stones women, ask them if they think Iran isn’t really stoning women to death, but training them for international dodgeball competitions using Patches O’Houlihan inspired training techniques—only instead of saying “if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball,” they say, “if you can dodge a stone…”

If they say “no”, then bust out with your own rendition of Team America’s classic America, F**k Yeah! Even with all its flaws, America is the greatest country in the world, in large part because of our acknowledgement and protection of God given rights. Period.

Iran isn't killing women, it's secretly training them to be international dodgeball stars...

Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Insipid Inception PR Clowns.

Have you seen the promotional campaign for Christopher Nolan’s new movie,

I only chuckle along to Ellen's inane diatribes because to do otherwise would expose me as the guy who makes a killing reading other people's thoughts without ever having an original one of my own.

Inception? The strategy is fittingly outside the box: Joseph Gordon-Levit shuffles and laughs along as Ellen Page shows the world what a self-righteous joke she is—when she should be promoting the movie.  Maybe it’s awkward for Joseph because the liberal costar sitting next to him revels in everything he claims is “distasteful” :

“I guess I was paranoid that people would treat me differently, or in an unfair way, because of my job. Even back then, I really didn’t like the whole idolatry that goes on with actors and found the celebrity thing distasteful. I still do.”

Hey Joseph, what do you think of Ellen Page maximizing her own piece of the idolatry pie by waxing political during an interview for Inception? Do you think Ellen comments in an “unfair way” when she links Dick Cheney to “fear that seems to be creating a lot of ignorance and thus passing on that fear to a lot of people and causing a lot of problems,”? (Apparently no one passed on the gift of eloquence to Ellen…) The last time I checked, Dick Cheney’s tenure as Vice President saw jihadi nutbags turn cross-continental airplanes loaded with jet fuel into giant missiles in downtown Manhattan (not too far away from where Joseph went to college, if I’m not mistaken). And the last time I checked, jihadi clowns were still trying to create a market for body-bag makers in downtown New York City—after the Hopeandchange Express rode into town. Ellen? She just sings woefully out of tune with Jason Cera and somehow thinks it gives her the intellectual license to lecture the rest of us in monotone liberal platitudes.

The funny thing about most celebrities is that without their memorized scripts, all their “deep” thoughts end up sounding like vague, meaningless drivel you might see on cardboard signs during local news coverage of a high school “walk out,” (or a Joseph Gordon-Levit movie).

Joseph may have been a star on the show 3rd Rock from the Sun, but grunting and huffing in agreement with a liberal actor who’s as smart as a box of rocks isn’t going to win him over new fans.  I’m going to see Inception because Christopher Nolan directed it, but I’ll think twice about contributing to the word of mouth because Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ellen Page want to act like partisan tools when they’re supposed to be selling me on the movie. Smooth move, geniuses.

I've adopted the smug monotone delivery when I'm preaching liberalism from the promo-circuit because some people forget that I'm a Canadian actor with zero public policy pronouncement credentials when I do so.

Kathy Griffin: Hollywood’s Stale Chocolate Easter Bunny.

When Kathy Griffin dies and God asks her what she did with her life, I wonder if she’ll be dumb enough to lie about it to the Big Guy, or if she’ll truthfully answer I was a mean-spirited ginger leech that made a career off people more successful than I.

Kathy Griffin comes from the same school of thought as Jeneane everyone is dumb but my haiku public policy poet friend Rosie O’Donnell Garofalo.  Personally, I find this odd coming from someone who can’t even get

through an Anderson Cooper New Years Eve broadcast without making a fool out of herself. Regardless, again and again the question comes up: Why are these people so angry? Why is someone so “liberated” from religion that they’re okay telling Jesus to “suck it,” perpetually agitated?

No matter what you think of Sarah Palin (I bet we can guess Christopher Buckley’s position), I can’t really ever recall her ever being mean-spirited in an interview. I do recall other people with a penchant for cheap jokes and low blows. Even if we include Dave “Secret Intern CBS Adultery Lair” Letterman and Bill my own audience thinks I’m nuts” Maher, we wouldn’t be scratching the surface of bitter liberal talking heads with an unhealthy obsession of wishing ill-will on those who disagree with them.

I think one of the driving forces behind the creation of “the bitter liberal” is moral relativism. People who don’t believe humanity was “endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights” – people who believe there are no universal truths and who live only to please themselves – find the existence they’ve carved out to be rather hollow. And instead of taking a step back and reevaluating their world view they allow that little gnawing hollowness inside them grow until they might as well be a stale, chocolate Easter bunny. Ironic, isn’t it Kathy?

Now if you’ll excuse me, it looks like I have another vacuous human being to read up on. Although, unlike Kathy, I’m cognizant of the fact that he’s much more dangerous than she.

Christopher Buckley: Elitist Conservative Simpsons Comic Book Guy.

It seems as though Chistopher Buckley can no longer deny that he was wrong. Really, really, wrong. Instead of concentrating on why it happened, I’d like to concentrate on why he’s the elitist conservative circle’s Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. Sure, it would be easy to liken Christopher to Homer in this situation – especially since they both bought into hopeandchange – but that analogy ultimately misses the mark. And sure, Buckley has a Professor Frink education, but that too falls short.

I wouldn't trade my love for Christopher Buckley for Amazing Fantasy #15!

It’s the condescension that only the Comic Book guy possesses within The Simpsons universe that is classic Christopher Buckley (Or David Frum, but that’s another blog for another time). It’s the “I know better than you, rube” demeanor that oozes from his being that demands someone go “Clubber Lang” on him in response. It’s the kind of mentality that processes Sarah Palin and let’s out a Darth Vader-worthy “Noooooo!” before ever listening to a word she says.

The Christopher Buckley’s of the world don’t get it that people like you and I can read Eric Hoffer’s True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements on a Monday night, and then get psyched over a repeat showing of Rambo First Blood on Tuesday. They don’t understand how some of us can appreciate Milton’s Paradise Lost AND GNR’s Paradise City.

And the kind of mentality that doesn’t get you and I for those reasons produces conservatives who will vote for a liberal like Obama if they feel he listens to Vivaldi’s Four Seaons: Spring.

Well, I got news for “conservatives” like that: “Murdock…I’m coming to get YOU.”

MSNBC Cocktail Party Conservatives Beware.