Dan Slott talks Silk follow-up — ‘Lady Liberty’ — the faster, stronger Captain America fans demanded

With Dan Slott’s creation Silk getting her own ongoing series in February, fans are wondering what he’ll do next to shake up with Marvel universe. It turns out that he hasn’t been resting on his laurels. “Lady Liberty” — a faster, stronger version of Captain America — is coming down the pike.

The creator of “The Superior Spider-Man” sat down with Comic Book Resources on Jan. 26:

CBR: First off, congratulations on your female version of Peter Parker who is better than him in every way. Fans have been clamoring for that for quite some time, so I’m glad you made it happen with “Silk.” We barely had time to catch our breath over her amazing ability to spin different colored costumes that can double as radiation suits before you announced Lady Liberty. Give us the scoop.

Dan Slott: Thanks! Well, I probably shouldn’t say it, but I know you guys will shill for anything I do — so what the heck?! Long story short, I want to make Red Skull into Captain America for a year. Then, when the real Cap comes back, we’ll have him discover the truth about Aiko Tinaka, a Japanese American who was the first truly successful applicant of the Super Soldier program (thanks to experiments conducted on Isaiah Bradley).

CBR: What?! That’s crazy town banana pants!

Dan Slott: Aiko is ironically inside an underground bunker in Hiroshima when the U.S. drops “Little Boy” on Aug. 6, 1945. The blast buries her and a secret unit of the Japanese military in a gigantic complex one mile beneath the earth. It is only after Steve Rogers puts all the pieces together and realizes that she may be alive that our story begins.

CBR: You had me at “female version of Captain America who is better than the original,” but now we’re really sold!

Dan Slott: Not only is she not white (score another one for ‘diversity for the sake of diversity!’), but Aiko will eventually discover that while she was serving her country, her family became prisoners of Japanese internment camps created by liberal icon Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

CBR: But…FDR was a liberal — and disabled. I’m a little uncomfortable with that.

Dan Slott: (laughing) Oh ye of little faith! That’s nothing a Republican Skrull couldn’t fix. Listen, I can’t tell you how many anonymous fans have been telling me at comic conventions that what the world needs is a female Captain America who is better in every way than Steve. I’m going to give it to them, but I’m going to do it the only way I know how — in Slottian style.

CBR: Dan, we can’t thank you enough. This was a real treat. I’m so overwhelmed with joy right now that I feel like I’m living in a piece of satire. I’m sure all of our fellow comic book “journalists” will be on board with this because it’s an insanely awesome idea. I’m sure that if you introduce Lady Liberty during a Captain America relaunch that a bulk of the sales will be because people want to know who she is and where she came from. Don’t be a stranger. Stop in again soon.

Dan Slott: I will. Thanks, buddy.

So there you have it! “Lady Liberty” — the faster, stronger version of the true Captain America, Steve Rogers. Dan Slott does it again. Genius. Until that comes out, make sure to buy Silk #1 this February — the title at the top of the pull list for every Peter Parker fan — written by Robbie Thompson with art by Stacey Lee.

Marvel announces ‘I am Groot’ for Phase 3; DC scrambles for response

Groot with girl Guardians of the Galaxy

Before the weekend was out on the Guardians of the Galaxy’s successful box office debut, Marvel Studios released some news the size of an oak tree. Or, perhaps a Groot. The reasoning is also likely to enrage DC fans. Marvel’s Phase 3 will include ‘I am Groot,’ to be released in the summer of 2017, which all but guarantees that the plant from Planet X gets his day in the sun before “Justice League.”

“We are Groot!” Marvel Studios President of Production Kevin Feige said at a press conference late Saturday. “It’s a go. It’s happening. I know a lot of people are wondering how we’re going to pull this off, but I assure you that ‘I am Groot’ has an amazing creative team behind it. The screenplay is great and we’re close to sealing the deal with a director who I’m sure will knock it out of the ballpark.”

The Hollywood Reporter reached out to ‘Man of Steel’ producer Wesley Coller for a response and was told that a reply would be forthcoming. Entertainment Weekly likewise said that calls to DC’s front office were not returned.

DC’s silence, in many ways, speaks louder than words. ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ is scheduled to be released May 6, 2016, which would put Marvel Studios in a position to have ‘I am Groot’ in theaters before fans ever get a chance to see an official Justice League movie. While all comic fans can rejoice at the sheer volume of superhero films being made, it’s sure to inflame the rivalry between the two industry giants.

In a recent article with the Belfast Telegraph, actor Vin Diesel said that playing Groot was a challenge for him as an actor, due to the character’s limited vocabulary. When asked about the ‘I am Groot’ movie by the Los Angeles Times, he said “I love the character. He’s challenging, but it’s worth every second. The world fell in love with Groot this weekend because he’s innocent and pure and good. I consider it an honor to be able to bring this character to life in his very own movie.”

Besides DC fans, diversity activists voiced “serious concern” with Marvel’s decision.

“I…I can not get behind this,” said Eileen Einhorn, a Gender Studies major at U.C. Berkeley. “It’s troublesome that although Vin Diesel is not white that his true nature must be hidden behind tree bark. I’m worried that Groot’s limited vocabulary sends a coded racial message about the mental acuity of minorities and, worst of all…Groot is a man. Until Black Widow gets her own movie I urge anyone who loves diversity to boycott ‘I am Groot.'”

When asked during his press conference if Rocket Raccoon would be getting his own movie, Feige just smiled and said, “Phase 4 may have some surprises to your liking. That’s all I’ll say right now. Sometimes I feel as if all of this isn’t real. Like it’s satire. The fans have been good to us. As long as they keep seeing Marvel movies, we’ll keep making them.”

Related: Guardians of the Galaxy: Marvel gets its heroic misfits right on the first try

Kal Penn confirms: ‘Harold and Kumar Get Droned’ in production

In 2008, Kal Penn
In 2008, Kal Penn “exposed” the Bush administration for its war crimes with in ‘Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.’ Although Penn was a staunch supporter of President Obama’s reelection campaign, he assures fans that targeting American civilians with drone strikes (a step beyond anything Bush ever did) has prompted him to begin production of ‘Harold and Kumar get Droned.’ Filming along the border between India and Pakistan starts in late spring or early summer.

Fans of the Harold and Kumar movies can rejoice: Kal Penn announced shortly after NBC dropped news of the Obama administration “white papers” that “Harold and Kumar get Droned” is already underway. The Hollywood Reporter is preparing a piece to run in the coming weeks, which details how Kal Penn (who previously took a break from acting to become Associate Director in the White House Office of Public Engagement) was furious when the news broke of Justice Department memos spelling out the legal justification for assassinating American citizens.

“In 2008, Jon Hurwitz wrote one hell of a script for ‘Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay,'” said Penn. “Warner Bros. and New Line put millions of dollars on the table so myself and John [Cho] could expose the Bush administration for what it was — a bunch of war criminals. It would be hypocritical of me to sit back on the sidelines as President Obama, a man I worked for, took the Bush Doctrine to a whole new level.”

When pressed for details, Penn admitted that the plot will involve Harold and Kumar traveling to India, a location where a gold mine of religious, sexual and drug-fueled comedy exists. While trekking along the border between Pakistan and India, the Obama administration will target Harold and Kumar for assassination, mistaking them both for American terrorists attempting to make their first connection with regional terror cells.

Responding to fans on his Facebook page, Penn said that he does not regret making an ‘Obama for America’ video in the run up to the 2012 election or hosting the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, because details of the white paper were not known at the time. “Back then, I only new that President Obama was killing men and women from Pakistan, Afghanistan and Yemen. The rest is all news to me. Now that I know the truth, I’m going to do my part to set this right. I will. I promise. And come hell or high water, Neil Patrick Harris will be along for the ride!”

While no release date has been set for “Harold and Kumar Get Droned,” the director of ‘A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas,’ Todd Strauss-Schulson, recently Tweeted: “Get the red carpet ready for Christmas 2013, Hollywood.” Producer Greg Shapiro replied “Let’s do this.”

It looks like 2013 is going to be a great year for Harold and Kumar fans, even if it’s at the expense of President Obama.

Update: Production on ‘Harold and Kumar Get Droned’ has been delayed due to rising tensions in the Middle East. Mr. Penn notes that the man he worked for, President Obama, escalated those tensions with his recent PR campaign to bomb Syria. A tentative deal has been reached on Syria’s chemical weapons with Russia, but Greg Shapiro has been tight-lipped on when, or if, production will resume.

Related: Kal Penn: The hypocrisy of Kumar makes NPH and Joel Stein cry

Obama admin preemptively apologizes to Muslim world for Zero Dark Thirty

Despite working with Hollywood on Zero Dark Thirty, the Obama administration is now preemptively apologizing to the Muslim world for any protests, violence or murders that are blamed upon its release.

Zero Dark Thirty, which will come out in December, has been billed as “the story of history’s greatest manhunt for the world’s most dangerous man.” Now, if the Obama administration has its way, it will be billed as “the story of history’s greatest manhunt for the world’s most dangerous man ... that wasn’t told in theaters.” Sources confirm that Jay Carney will hold a press conference within days to preemptively apologize to the Muslim world for the film, which chronicles the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden. The White House gave Hollywood unprecedented access to sensitive information in order to recreate the event, but the sudden realization that insulting Islam is tantamount to crying fire in a crowded theater has it worried — using the Obama administration’s own logic, they could be held accountable for Zero Dark Thirty murders.

It all started when violence broke out in the Mideast on September 11, first with the U.S. Embassy in Egypt and the U.S. Consulate in Libya, and then with other uprisings in Tunisia, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Israel and Pakistan later in the week. Four Americans were killed, including two former U.S. Navy SEALs and Ambassador Christopher Stephens. The Obama administration has insisted on multiple occasions that the current violence is rooted in anger of an obscure YouTube video, “The Innocence of Muslims,” and that it should not be seen as a condemnation of American foreign policy under Obama or an indicator of Islam’s incompatibility with universal human rights.

U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, Susan Rice, who also has asserted that the anti-Islam film was responsible for “spontaneous” attacks, released the following statement Monday night:

Director Kathryn Bigelow and writer Mark Boal have needlessly put American lives at risk with Zero Dark Thirty. Likewise, it is disgusting that Chris Pratt, Jessica Chastain and Joel Edgerton would take part in a film that will undoubtedly inflame passions around the globe, particularly among large segments of the Muslim community President Obama has sought to win over long before bin Laden’s body was left on the bottom of the ocean. The capture and killing of the terrorist mastermind, the continued drone strikes and the operational status of Guantanamo Bay aside, this administration has worked miracles within the Muslim community. Zero Dark Thirty will undo nearly four years worth of work if Sony has its way. And so, the Obama administration calls on all studios and distributors associated with the film to pull back before it’s too late.

Upon hearing the news, Mitt Romney’s campaign put out a press release condemning the Obama administration’s hypocrisy, as well as its abandonment of the First Amendment. Flash polls conducted by Rasmussen indicate that 90 percent of the American population sees nothing wrong with the Obama administration’s preemptive apology, and that roughly 3/4 of likely voters found the former Mass. governor to be out of line when he defended the Constitution on Constitution Day.

With Zero Dark Thirty set to hit theaters December 19, Americans have at least three months to wait before they see if the apology works. Ivy League academics have assured citizens that any violence perpetrated in the name of Islam will be blamed on Christians, Sony Pictures and writer Mark Boal, since the thought that President Obama be held accountable for his mistakes is, of course, ludicrous.

Billie Joe Armstrong: ¡Uno!, ¡Dos!, ¡Tré!’ tells story of 3 Obama drone strikes

Green Day has a new album out. As much as they publicly deny it, music insiders say that ¡Uno! will be the first in a series of albums bashing President Obama for continuing much of George W. Bush’s foreign policy. Look closely and you can see Billie Joe Armstrong’s reflection in the moon as a U.S. drone conducts a nighttime bombing run in Afghanistan.

Green Day will be releasing a trilogy of albums over the next few months. After the politically infused rock operas American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown, fans were wondering what Mr. Armstrong and the boys would be up to next. Officially, Armstrong says that they’ll be “writing about girls”:

“We wanted to get into early AC/DC and Cheap Trick.” The singer-guitarist is also “writing about girls again.” He describes the songs on ¡Uno! as “feeling like your heart is on fire. On the second record, you start losing control.” By ¡Tré!, which arrives in January, “your heart will feel like a flamethrower.

In actuality, the “heart” he’s talking about is that of a Pakistani tribesman killed during a President Obama drone strike — one planned during his “Terror Tuesday” national security briefings. Music insiders originally said that Armstrong was referring to a jihadi terrorist locked up in Guatnanamo Bay, Cuba who was under the impression that President Obama was going to send him back to Afghanistan sometime before the 2012 election. Sadly, it never happened. Producer Rob Cavallo shot down the suggestion (no pun intended) in early August.

Strangely enough, despite a fan base that wants to know how Mr. Armstrong feels about ongoing operations in Afghanistan and Pakistan, bombing runs in Libya and reports of Stinger missile deliveries to Syrian rebels, Green Day publicly refuses to acknowledge how upset they are with President Obama — a man who has continued so many of the policies Billie Joe once went around the world criticizing George W. Bush for.

It was time for us to step away [from political material], because we didn’t want to come across as politicians. We’re in a band first and foremost, and we wanted to have a good time making music. So it was kind of a way of us getting back to basics.

Bassist Michael Pritchard says that while this might appear as code for “we only become politically vocal when a Republican is in office,” that it shouldn’t be taken that way. The band’s first single off ¡Uno!, ‘Oh Love’ can also be seen as a lament over just how many people President Obama has killed since taking office. Pritchard assures Green Day fans that the band would never practice selective moral outrage to capitalize on anti-American sentiment during the tenure of a wartime Republican president.

“Green Day is first and foremost about the music. Always the music,” said Pritchard. “If we suddenly become political activists again during President Romney’s time in office it’s just a coincidence. We swear.”

Regardless, there are rumblings among some die hard fans that Green Day are, indeed, Sunshine Patriots.

Update: Sources close to the band report that “Kill the DJ” was originally titled “Kill the Pakistani,” but Armstrong felt as though the critique of President Obama had to be more subtle.

Related: Billie Joe Armstrong: American Idiot, Sunshine Patriot, or Both?
Related: Bill Maher and Billie Joe Armstrong’s Secret to Liberal Success: Gravity Bongs
Related: Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong: Jesus of Suburban Hot Topic Shoppers

Obama super PAC: Romney is Macaulay Culkin’s heroin dealer

Obama super PAC strategist Bill Burton tells CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that he has proof Mitt Romney is Macaulay Culkin’s drug dealer.

Pro-Obama super PAC Priorities USA came under fire on Tuesday from commentators across the political spectrum when it released a campaign ad that led viewers to believe Mitt Romney was responsible for the death of a cancer-stricken woman. In the ad “Understanding,” steel worker Joe Soptic discusses how Mitt Romney was responsible for closing the plant he worked at, and by extension the mutated strands of DNA in his wife that became cancerous and killed her.

By late Tuesday, besides broad consensus that the ad was bottom-of-the barrel sludge politics, it was also obvious that Priorities USA didn’t do its research — the woman died five years after Romney was gone from Bain Capitol, and she originally had health insurance through her own employer.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asked Priorities USA strategist Bill Burton what the Super PAC would do, given the speed with which the ad imploded. Burton’s response was, to put it mildly, stunning:

“It’s funny you should mention “speed,” Wolf. The Obama campaign has recently unearthed documents that will lend credence to the National Inquirer’s story that Macaulay Culkin has six months to live due to struggles with a heroin addiction. Unfortunately, the evidence all points to Gov. Mitt Romney. It turns out that Mitt Romney has been Culkin’s dealer for years. Let me say this unequivocally: When Macaulay Culkin dies, Mitt Romney will have blood on his hands. On his very … rich … hands. “Romney Hood” plays for keeps, y’all. It plays for keeps…”

When Blitzer asked Burton about President Obama’s Terror Tuesday assassination pow-wows, complete with “baseball cards” of accused terrorists, Burton punted. “Wolf, I’d rather talk about the terror Mitt Romney has inflicted on innocent Americans for decades, be it through cancer or as CEO of drug cartels for the rich and famous.”

Obama’s super PAC Priorities USA has put a tentative release date for the Mitt Romney-Macaulay Culkin ad for whichever day the former Massachusetts governor announces his running mate.

Bloomberg to limit game play of video games sold in NYC

Mayor Bloomberg’s restrictions on game play would extend to any reissues of classic video games, like Final Fantasy VII. At 16 hours, Bloomberg aides envision a scenario where New York’s gamers would witness Sephiroth slay Aerith. The game would then abruptly end.

Fresh off his announcement to ban sodas, sweetened ice tea and energy drinks above 16 ounces, New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg has found a new target — the video game industry. Taking a cue from Reps. Joe Baca (D-CA) and Frank Wolf’s (R-VA), Violence in Video Games Labeling Act (which seeks to put violence warning labels on all video games, regardless of content), Bloomberg has taken it a step further: Starting next March, all video games sold in New York City will have built-in endings that will bring the storyline to a halt after 16 hours of game play.

A press release from Bloomberg’s office went out late Sunday night. Reuters reports:

It has long been established that there is a correlation between violence and video games. There is also a strong correlation between soda consumption and gamers. Both of these vices have long-term costs to the nation’s health, in terms of obesity and crime rates. While the nation waits, I will act. New Yorkers want me to “do something,” and so I will. Starting next March, I will find a way to force Big Apple gamers to understand that sitting for hours while playing video games — particularly RPGs — is unhealthy and will no longer be tolerated. I am working with the video game industry to ensure that at 16 hours ALL video games sold in New York will cut to an ending that will force gamers to either put down the controller or to keep playing a game that has, for all intents and purposes, been completed.

Conservative and libertarian groups have already voiced opposition to the power grab, calling it more evidence of the liberal urge to control every aspect of an individual’s life, now down to their PS3 and XBox controllers. Bloomberg’s liberal advocates say that the mayor is not taking away a gamer’s right to play video games per se, but merely forcing them make the conscious decision to continue playing after a “healthy portion” of entertainment has been reached.

As the news cycle begins, it will be interesting to see if gamers — generally a liberal bunch — see how the soft tyranny of Mayor Bloomberg’s soda ban could be applied to many aspects of everyday life, including the games they love.

Democrats target Jack White with ‘Blunderbuss Act’

The solo success of musician Jack White has Democrats crying foul. In order to even the playing field and stop him from exacerbating income inequality, liberals in the U.S. Senate are crafting the ‘Blunderbus Act.’

Jack White blasted onto the music scene in 2003 with The White Stripes’ instant classic, Elephant. It’s now 2012, and it looks like the donkey is about to introduce him to the political scene. After the success of Jack White’s first solo album, Blunderbuss, Senate Democrats are not happy. Blunderlust sold an amazing 138,000 copies its first week in release, propelling White to the top of the charts for the first time in his career. It may be his last.

Senator Harry Reid, D-NV., put out a press release on Sunday, just hours after White’s crackling Saturday Night Live performance:

Jack White’s album sales, as well as his jaw-dropping performance of ‘Sixteen Saltines’ while on Saturday Night Live, may be celebrated in some corners, but their cheers are misguided. While conservatives see his immense talent, highlighted even more with the result of his solo debut Blunderbuss, as some sort of sonic victory for United States and the world, the Democrat Party does not. As long as men like Jack White exist, there will always be inequalities. They must be stopped.

We do not know why Jack White rocks so much harder than the rest of us, but we know that we do not like it. He is without a doubt in the top 1 percent of guitar players in the world, but that does not mean we can or should allow him to become one of the ‘1 percent.’ Senate Democrats are working to pass the ‘Blunderbuss Act’ within days to level the playing field for all Americans. More details are available at BlunderbussAct.gov.

Details of the act are still sketchy, with some Washington insiders claiming that a panel will be formed to look at musicians on a case-by-case basis. Those deemed to possess the kind of talent that could lead to a larger “rock and income gap” will be forced to play with sub par instruments and sound equipment. House Democrats are proposing their own version of the bill, which will include a package of taxes targeting quick-fingered musicians for success they deem “unreasonable.” A surtax would be imposed for solo albums.

Republicans now find themselves in an interesting position. For years they have been held in contempt by an industry that leans heavily left. They’re hoping their opposition to the ‘Blunderbuss Act’ will change perceptions.

“Rock has always sort of stood up for defiance,” said Congressman Paul Ryan, R-Wis. “Yet, somewhere along the line it stopped standing up to authority. It bowed down to the tens of thousands of federal regulations that not only dictate how a musician lives, but how a musician rocks. Remember when the Obama administration had the feds raid Gibson guitars not so long ago? I do. Republicans in both chambers plan to stand firm in opposition to the ‘Blunderbuss Act.’ God bless Jack White, and may Blunderbuss be the first of many successes to come.

Jack White said he will address the issue with fans at the appropriate time, but did not disclose when that might happen.

Pelosi seeks ‘windfall profits’ tax on Avengers ticket sales

If House Democrats have their way, your favorite Marvel superheroes will be hit with a "windfall profits" tax once an arbitrarily defined level of success has been met. Republicans argue that this will result in fewer superhero movies making it to the market.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi is trying to find an 11th hour solution to Marvel Studios’ The Avengers, which is primed to be one of this summer’s biggest blockbusters. Sources close to producers Avi Arad and Jon Favreau have confirmed that the California Democrat has been in touch with Marvel Studios, and that a “windfall profits” tax will be in place before Friday, May 4 if Democrats can cobble together enough votes.

The Associated Press received the following from Pelosi’s office late Monday:

“Investments.” “Risk.” “Reward.” Such is the language of the Republican Party. Extremists. The GOP would have you believe that it was a “risk” to set up an Avengers movie with a series of films based on many of the individual characters: Thor, Hulk, Iron Man and Captain America. They would have you believe that an Avengers movie was no sure bet, and that the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on these movies and their marketing campaigns by no means guaranteed success. Rubbish! It’s high time Hollywood paid its fair share. If Democrats have their way, Marvel Studios will be the first to pay a windfall profits tax on its flagship characters, in addition to their corporate taxes (which also need higher rates). Warner Bros. will then follow suit in August, when The Dark Knight Rises takes number one at the box office. Behind every Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark movie are greedy Hollywood producers; that will change starting today.

The Hollywood Reporter seems to back up the Minority Leaders predictions, at least in this isolated case, although the philosophical debate is something that will have to be settled inside the Beltway on on cable news airwaves:

Avengers also is tracking better than Lionsgate’s blockbuster The Hunger Games, which posted a record March bow of $152.5 million to score the third-best opening of all time behind Deathly Hallows Part 2 and Dark Knight, respectively.

According to first tracking, unaided awareness in Avengers is 13 percent, compared with 10 percent for Dark Knight and 11 percent for Hunger Games; first choice is 23 percent, tying with Hunger Games and higher than the 19 percent for Dark Knight.

Total awareness is 85 percent, compared with 76 percent for Dark Knight and 74 percent for Hunger Games; definite interest is 61 percent, versus 62 percent for Dark Knight and 54 percent for Hunger Games.

Asked to comment, House Majority Leader John Boehner set up a stark (pardon the pun) contrast between Republicans and Democrats:

“The windfall profits tax proposed by Democrats will go nowhere because Americans want more Marvel movies, not less—and taxing Marvel Studios will result in less movies. Let me tell you what House Republicans will do to this bill in a way that Marvel fans—and fans of The Hulk—can all understand. BOEHNER SMASH!

Democrats craft ‘Stallone Act’ to stop gun violence

Democrats in the U.S. Congress have proposed the Stallone Act (Stop The Action, Let's Love Only Non-violent Entertainment), which would make it nearly impossible for action stars to use firearms in their movies. The lawmakers claim the legislation will result in fewer gun-related crimes in the United States.

Sylvester Stallone has stopped a lot of bad guys in his day, but this summer he’ll have to stop Democrats in the United States Congress if Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas., has her way. Stallone, most known for his iconic roles as Rocky Balboa and Rambo, has had his career resurrected in recent years with the success of his film The Expendables in 2010. This summer, the cigar chomping man’s man, “Barney Ross,” and his merry mercenaries (with a cast that includes Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris) will be back in action—and Democrats are fuming. The ‘Stallone Act’ seeks to put out that fire—and the guns of August.

When is enough, enough?” asked Sheila Jackson Lee, appearing on cable news shows Sunday morning. “As the president has said, at some point I think you’ve had enough success, and these action heroes have been inciting gun violence for decades. There are strong correlations between violent video games and aggressive behavior, and Congressional Democrats believe the same holds true for the movies put out by Stallone and his ilk. The ‘Stallone Act’ (Stop The Action, Let’s Love Only Non-violent Entertainment) is the Democratic Party’s favor to the American people. It’s hard to take away gun rights when men like Stallone keep glorifying their defensive purposes, but we can make it near-impossible for him to get his guns on the silver screen.

The NRA was swift in responding to news of the Stallone Act, putting out a press release in mere minutes after Jackson-Lee had spoken.

Sheila Jackson Lee and the Democratic Party should ask themselves why Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Aronold Schwarzenegger are loved throughout the world, including by the people of some of the most oppressed nations. Besides Stallone’s muscles and charisma, it’s the way he wields his guns. Guns say, “I’m going to do what I want, and you’re not going to stop me.” And by and large, most people just want to live a good life, raise their families in peace, and be left alone. People living in fear societies wish they had firearms readily available, but they don’t—because the guns and money are in the hands of their oppressors. Women walking home late from work in dangerous areas often wish they had a way to defend themselves, but the Democrat’s policies often make it nearly impossible, which only benefits criminals. The Republican Party will do their part by shooting down this law; the American people will only need to do theirs and buy a ticket to The Expendables 2 on August 17.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, when asked whether President Obama would sign the Stallone Act if it came across his desk, would only wistfully say, “In theory the president respects gun rights. The president wishes it didn’t have to come to this. The world would be a better place if Paul Giamatti’s star had shown brighter than Sly’s. We’ll have to wait and see.”