Car Warning Label Bill Gains Liberal Support After Ryan Dunn’s Death.

The Federal Government has announced new warning labels for motor vehicles, inspired by the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act.

Liberals in the House of Representatives are busy working behind the scenes on a new “Car Label” bill that would mirror the recent cigarette labels chosen by the Department of Health and Human Services. Tentatively titled The Family Driving Prevention and Motor Vehicle Control Act, even high ranking Obama Administration officials do not deny the similarities to The Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act (which Obama signed into law in 2009). At one point, even the President—who still occasionally leans on nicotine to get him through the day—commented on the nascent driving bill:

”I know —I was one of those teenagers,” he said, standing beneath a punishing afternoon sun at a Rose Garden ceremony. ”I know how difficult it can be to break this habit when it’s been with you for a long time.”

Oddly enough, no one from the press asked him about the quote, which was identical to his statement on The Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act. Representative Debbie Wasserman Schultz, however, did weigh in:

The bottom line is this: Cars are dangerous. Really dangerous. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that there were over 37,000 fatalities in 2008 due to car crashes. That’s not including the effects on the rest of the 84,000 who were involved in an accident, whether something as serious as a loss of a limb to lasting psychological damage. If more people walked to work (with a helmet), we would have a safer, happier, and greener U.S. population.  Ryan Dunn’s untimely death should serve as a catalyst for the change America needs—not tomorrow—but now. If the federal government cares enough about its citizen-smokers to put labels on cigarettes, it should care enough about its citizen-drivers to put massive labels on the hoods of their cars. I’m looking forward to the recommendations the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration comes out with after our August recess, as are millions of other Americans.

When asked to comment, Speaker John Boehner got in his Jaguar XJ220, revved the engine, and peeled out down Washington Ave. towards Interstate 395.

Liberals in Congress want to know: If it works for citizen smokers, why won’t it work for citizen drivers?

Editor’s Note: This post brought to you by The Family Satire and Humorless Government Act of 2011.