Doctor Octopus – Page 3 – Douglas Ernst Blog

Dan Slott and Marvel’s Orwellian message boards can’t hide the truth: Fans want Peter Parker

July 26, 2013April 22, 2014by Douglas Ernst167 Comments

Anyone who has read George Orwell’s ‘1984’ is familiar with the Ministry of Truth and its “memory holes,” those fabulous tubes that get rid of pesky realities for the good of The Party. Anyone who has ever frequented the Spider-Man section of the Marvel message boards for any length of time knows that Ministry of Truth is alive and well, deleting comments that draw metaphorical blood from the monster that is Superior Spider-Man — or its creator Dan Slott.

Lucky, the Brotherhood exists … and proof of it can been seen in the search engine terms being used online each day by countless Peter Parker fans.

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength. Doctor Octopus is Spider-Man. It doesn’t have to be that way.

This blog is on pace to have roughly 25,000 page views for the month of July. The individuals who get here search any number of topics, from liquid fluoride thorium reactors to Navy SEALS, weightlifting advice to the national debt. However, readers also get here because they care about the character Spider-Man. I have taken one search result from each day this month in order to highlight what many Spider-Man fans are thinking:

July 31: “Is Peter Parker coming back?”

July 30: “When will Superior Spider-Man end?”

July 29: “Dan Slott should be fired”

July 28: “Will Peter Parker return?”

July 27: “Superior Spider-Man ending”

July 26: “Dan Slott is an asshole”

July 25: “Why Dan Slott ruined Spider-Man”

July 24: “Dan Slott is an asshole”

July 23: “Bring back Peter Parker”

July 22: “Will Peter Parker return as Spider-Man?”

July 21: “Dan Slott sucks”

July 20: “Fire Dan Slott Superior Spider-Man”

July 19: “Superior Spider-Man people are pissed”

July 18: “Can Marvel make Spider-Man good again?”

July 17: “Bring back Peter Parker”

July 16: “Why Dan Slott doesn’t want Peter Parker returns?”

July 15: “Dan Slott hates Peter Parker”

July 14: “Bring back Peter Parker”

July 13: “Dan Slott sucks”

July 12: “Why does everyone hate Dan Slott now?”

July 11: “When is Superior Spider-Man ending?”

July 10: “Bring back Peter Parker”

July 09: “I hate the Superior Spider-Man”

July 08: “When is superior spider-man going to end?”

July 07: “Idiots killed off Spider-Man”

July 06: “Sick of Superior Spider-Man”

July 05: “The Superior Spider-Man sucks ass”

July 04: “Will Peter Parker come back?”

July 03: “When is Peter Parker coming back?”

July 02: “Will Peter Parker come back?”

July 01: “I hate Dan Slott”

Here is a screenshot from the July 21 to give you an idea of what WordPress bloggers see on the back end. (Side note: I love that people are now searching ‘Harold and Kumar Get Droned’ because it was a piece of satire I wrote on Kal Penn’s hypocrisy that appears to have taken on a life of its own).

These are only a fraction of the search terms available, but even if I included the others a pattern becomes clear: There are a lot of dissatisfied fans out there who want Peter Parker back and many of them are not happy with Dan Slott.

Search Engine stats tell us exactly why the moderator for the Marvel boards has a penchant for deleting posts when they come from someone who might be perceived as Dan Slott’s intellectual “superior.” Search engine stats tell us why Dan Slott must turn to the moderators at Comic Book Resources and ask them to shut down the debate when he can’t goad guys like me into saying something that would get us banned.

“This whole topic has become abhorrent. Can the mods please close this thread? This has already gotten far more attention than it deserves,” (Dan Slott)

Search Engines stats are why the moderator at Newsarama shut me down — and then shut down all comments when strangers came to my defense.

And finally, search engines give us a clue as to why, perhaps, Dan Slott was a no-show at the San Diego Comic-Con for the Superior-Spider-Man panel. I suggest you watch it, if only to see 33 minutes of pure awkwardness. (At one point fans had to be asked to show their excitement for the book three times because the first two efforts sounded like a room full of kids being told to eat re-fried beans out of the can.) Dan Slott “phoned in” his participation towards the end, and when someone said they couldn’t relate to the Superior Spider-Man because Otto was essentially “Jerk Spider-Man,” the response by Mr. Slott and Steve Wacker was essentially: “The book is awesome! … Want to hear Dan Slott’s impression of J. Jonah Jameson?”

In the end, there will always be many more comic book fans than there are Peter Parker fans. That is why Dan Slott likes to talk about sales. And that is why when intelligent people start mulling over the actual merits of the book (e.g., How is this any different from turning the Red Skull into Captain America and then trying to pass it off as creative genius?) their comments go down the Mighty Marvel Memory Hole.

Rolling Stone put a real terrorist on the cover of its magazine, a lot of people got upset, and sales went up 20 percent. Dan Slott turned a fictional terrorist into Spider-Man, a lot of people got upset, and sales are up. Sales are not the sole litmus test for success, and they certainly aren’t the litmus test for decency. Hopefully, by offering you a glimpse into the search terms people use to get to this blog, your confidence will be renewed that there are plenty of fans out there who are not happy with the state of Spider-Man in 2013.

History will not judge this era of Spider-Man comic books kindly. In time a writer with true vision will come along who will unite ardent fans of Peter Parker, those with no particular loyalties who are just looking for an interesting tale — and yes, the lowest common denominator — who will buy anything as long as it says Spider-Man on the cover. And when that happens and sales skyrocket the world will see Dan Slott for what what he truly was, which was certainly not a good steward of one of the greatest characters of all time: Peter Parker.

Dan Slott was a no-show at the San Diego Comic-Con. Maybe when you mouth off to countless fans online you get worried that they might show up to confront you about it. Internet tough guys ... usually aren't in real life. — Dan Slott was a no-show at the San Diego Comic-Con. Maybe when you mouth off to countless fans online you get worried that they might show up to confront you about it. Internet tough guys … usually aren’t in real life.

The universe is an amazing place. Like I said: Dan Slott, internet tough guy. — Dan Slott, Internet tough guy. He talks about giving someone the “Jay and Silent Bob” treatment when the truth is, he’s scared someone is going to do that to him for all the jerky things he’s said behind a computer screen.

Dan Slott’s ‘Superior Spider-Man’: Genocidal ‘Peter Parker’ is really just like Hawkeye

May 15, 2013April 24, 2014by Douglas Ernst39 Comments

Update: The title of this has been changed after a civil conversation with reader xmenexpert. To see the conversation, click here.

Dan Slott is incredibly proud of the Superior Spider-Man, both as a hero and in regards to sales. And why not? It’s his creation. And to top it all off, he has plenty of fans who tell him at comic conventions how much they love the book. But that still doesn’t change the fact that one could arguably call Doc Ock the Superior anti-Semite.

Quite a charge, is it not? Is Doctor Octopus an anti-Semite, or was his actual end game “just” to kill six billion people (all the Jews included)? Let us revisit the “Ends of the Earth” storyline, shall we?

“But the human race is resilient and the first thousand or so who climb out of the wreckage … they’ll rebuild. Life will go on, and they’ll remember me. For that new society I shall live on in infamy — a mass murderer worse than Pol Pot, Hitler, and Genghis Khan combined!” (Doctor Octopus).

Here’s a little history lesson from the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C., to demonstrate just how evil of a man Otto would have to be to transcend Hitler, Pol Pot and Ghenghis Khan combined.

German SS and police murdered nearly 2,700,000 Jews in the killing centers either by asphyxiation with poison gas or by shooting. In its entirety, the “Final Solution” called for the murder of all European Jews by gassing, shooting, and other means. Approximately six million Jewish men, women, and children were killed during the Holocaust — two-thirds of the Jews living in Europe before World War II.

Got that? Doc Ock had a “Final Solution,” but it involved being a “superior” version of Hitler; he would implement a plan that would in effect kill all of the Jews instead of just those residing in Europe. And now he’s Spider-Man. In Peter Parker’s body. In fact, he’s Dan Slott’s Spider-Übermensch.

Kind of sick, isn’t it? And the only retort Dan Slott and his fans could possibly have is that Otto didn’t want to kill millions of Jews — he “merely” wanted to kill six billion people, which would just so happen to include all the Jews.

Silly me. The guy who “just” came within inches of an extinction level event because he hated all of humanity is now housed in Peter Parker’s body. And fans “love” the story. It’s what brought them back to the book. Congrats Mr. Slott, those are the kinds of winners I want giving me high fives and pats on the back at comic conventions…

With that said, it is also important to once again revisit how on earth Marvel fans could get a run-of-the mill genocidal maniac swinging around New York City in Peter’s body. Mr. Slott’s recent Newsarama interview gives the answer.

Nrama: With Superior Spider-Man, you’re writing Doc Ock as a lead character for really the first time, and a more long-term Doc Ock story than has really been seen before. We’re seeing the character put in very different situations, interacting with totally different characters. What kind of task has that been — approaching his mindset and his attitude in the position of a lead character?

Slott: He’s trying his best to be a hero, but he’s doing it in a very Doc Ock way. And Doc Ock’s an egotistical, annoying sh*t. It makes him an interesting character. At his core, he’s someone we don’t really think of heroic. But is he any more annoying than [former villain] Hawkeye used to be?

Hmm. Good question. Is Hawkeye “more annoying” than Otto, or has Mr. Slott’s moral relativism inadvertently produced Marvel’s first genocidal maniac superhero? Let me revisit the Holocaust Memorial Museum one more time:

The Nazis frequently used euphemistic language to disguise the true nature of their crimes. They used the term “Final Solution” to refer to their plan to annihilate the Jewish people. It is not known when the leaders of Nazi Germany definitively decided to implement the “Final Solution.” The genocide, or mass destruction, of the Jews was the culmination of a decade of increasingly severe discriminatory measures. …

After the June 1941 German invasion of the Soviet Union, SS and police units (acting as mobile killing units) began massive killing operations aimed at entire Jewish communities. By autumn 1941, the SS and police introduced mobile gas vans. These paneled trucks had exhaust pipes reconfigured to pump poisonous carbon monoxide gas into sealed spaces, killing those locked within. They were designed to complement ongoing shooting operations.

Question for Dan Slott: What issue did Hawkeye triumphantly declare that he would be remembered as a worse murderer than the guy who deployed gas vans to exterminate Jews? Just asking. Was that an annual, or a Comic Con exclusive?

Does a character go from wanting to transcend Hitler, Pol Pot, and Genghis Khan in terms of perpetuating pure evil upon the entire world to a “hero” just because a really good guy beamed his life story and “with great power comes great responsibility” into his head? Probably not. And since we’re talking about the Superior Spider-Man — the guy who blew a defenseless criminal’s face off — Magic 8 Ball says “Why would you ask me such a dumb question?”

Superior Spider-Man is an abomination. It’s an insult to Stan Lee, long-time Peter Parker fans and anyone with a shred of respect for the character. Sales may be fine for Superior Spider-Man, but history will not treat the book kindly. One day a group of editors with a working moral compass will be at the helm of the Spider-Man books and they will look back at this era and ask, “What were they thinking?”

The end of the book can not come soon enough, and the ‘Ends of the Earth’ arc tells us why.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Holocaust image that was previously here has been removed after reflecting on the request of a reader named Rogue. You can view her comment here. If Dan Slott had acted like an adult from the very beginning and demonstrated half the intelligence and grace as Rogue, it is very likely the picture would have been removed in May.

Update: Here is an email I received from a reader disagreeing with the decision to remove the photo:

“I think Rogue is way off on the sensationalism and especially the testosterone rationale. It is important to show what Slott so casually put in his dialogue and inside Spider-Man’s head. I agree they are real people with no voice, I agree it was horrible, I agree it’s grisly — but it was Slott who betrayed their legacy — and that needs to be shown. Obviously his own grandfather’s story didn’t keep Slott from writing a tasteless story with an iconic hero, so maybe that image drove it home. I respect Rouge’s opinion, but I wouldn’t have changed it. It was Slott who inserted this awful chapter of history into the comic,” (douglasernstblog.com reader).

Removing the image was an incredibly tough choice for me. The reader accurately sums up my feelings on the issue, but in this instance I think removing the image sends a more important message: How you conduct yourself with those with whom you have fierce disagreements will often determine the amount of progress you make towards finding an amicable solution.

Update: Dan Slott has called me a “bad” person and “immoral” for writing this blog post. He then was so incensed that I’m able to tactfully defend my decision that he requested the moderator close out the thread. In Dan Slott’s mind, asking if a character who wanted to transcend Hitler, Pol Pot and Ghengis Khan in terms of evil perpetrated upon the world is the same thing as accusing Dan Slott of being anti-Semetic. Reasonable people can separate the two, but Dan Slott can’t. That’s why he sticks to forums where he can control the moderators and count on his devoted fans to verbally attack. His moral relativism has warped his mind so badly that he now puts my soul on equal terms with real life dictators and despots. Telling.

Update II: Dan Slott is upset that the moderator at Comic Vine put him in his place, so now he’s trying to send his 39,000 followers here to give me grief. Welcome! Here’s the abridged version for some of you:

What Dan Slott doesn’t get (in some sense because moral relativism has warped his mind), is that this post points out the obvious — it doesn’t matter what Dan Slott’s intentions are if the end result is that a monster worse than Hitler is in Peter Parker’s body.

How fitting that only 48 hours after my "Beautiful Music Monday" on Facebook, featuring Schindler's List, Dan Slott would call me "immoral" for writing this blog post. That's okay, Dan, there are many, many others that can see why making a man who wanted to transcend the world's most notorious dictator the new Spider-Man is so wrong. — How fitting is it that after my June 10 “Beautiful Music Monday” on Facebook, featuring Schindler’s List, that Dan Slott would call me “immoral” on June 13 for writing this blog post. That’s okay, Dan. There are many, many others that can see why making a character who wanted to transcend the world’s most notorious dictator into the new Spider-Man is an abomination.

At one time Marvel had heroes who punched out Hitler on the cover. Now, with Dan Slott's Superior Spider-Man, fans have a "hero" who wanted to transcend Hitler in terms of successfully bringing forth murder and mayhem. Congratulations, Marvel. I'm glad "sales" are doing so well for you. It's just fascinating you can still look at yourself in the mirror. "With great power comes great responsibility." Just because you can write a particular story, it doesn't mean you should. I guess Dan Slott missed that lesson when he was reading Spider-Man as a kid. — At one time Marvel had heroes who punched out Hitler on the cover. Now, with Dan Slott’s Superior Spider-Man, fans have a “hero” who wanted to transcend Hitler in terms of successfully bringing forth murder and mayhem. Congratulations, Marvel. I’m glad “sales” are doing so well for you. It’s just fascinating that you can still look at yourself in the mirror. “With great power comes great responsibility.” Just because you can write a particular story, it doesn’t mean you should. Maybe Dan Slott missed that lesson when he was reading Spider-Man as a kid.

It’s April 18, 2014 — almost a year after this post was written — and Dan Slott is still obsessing over it. That’s what you call hitting a nerve. Deep down, he knows that my reasons for writing this piece were spot on.

Dan Slott YouTube service reply — Dan Slott wants people to believe I’m “deceptive,” a “weasel,” and someone who is an evil master of “semantics,” but yet I’m also “stupid,” “insane” and incapable of capturing nuance. Which is it? The truth is, he knows I’m highly intelligent. He’s admitted as much on CBR, where he said something along the lines of: “You know exactly what you’re doing.” Here’s the truth: Dan Slott does not think I am stupid — he thinks other people are stupid. Follow his Twitter feed and you will soon see evidence of this, as it manifests itself in his political tweets. Essentially, people are so stupid that they need 535 elitist masters in the nation’s capital to control every aspect of their lives.

Dan Slott used anger to sell Superior Spider-Man 9, but people are really just sad — for him

May 3, 2013November 15, 2013by Douglas Ernst175 Comments

Dan Slott and Marvel decided they would fuel sales by tapping into fan anger, which is rather sad. If you read Superior Spider-Man 9 you’ll see just how deeply the sadness runs. It’s Mariana Trench deep.

If you’ve read Spider-Man comics for years, you’ve likely felt as though the character of Peter Parker was growing and maturing with you. Time in a comic book doesn’t correlate to time in the real world, but it was fun to see Peter go from being a naive young kid into a responsible adult. Each stage of life has its own set of challenges and responsibilities we must face up to, and for awhile Peter was hitting his stride. Then, at some point the creators of Spider-Man began to shirk their duties. They were nervous about moving forward with the character, so instead they came up with a laundry list of reasons why the title wasn’t performing and ultimately began moving backwards. With Superior Spider-Man #9, Dan Slott proves that he is the Mole Man of Marvel writers; he can go extremely low. Subterranean low. Congratulations.

Years ago they said Mary Jane was a creative obstacle. Solution? Kill the marriage. The writing still stinks? Make Peter act like a younger dumber version of himself. Still not right? Here’s an idea: Let’s kill Peter Parker. In fact, let’s just kill off The Amazing Spider-Man and ride the gimmick-wave as long as we can (i.e., Doc Ock in Peter’s body), until people get sick of buying a superhero book about a “hero” who tried to kill six billion people and completely flouts the rule of law with impunity (e.g., blowing a defenseless guy’s face off in front of numerous witnesses).

Question: What does it say about a title when people tune in just to see how much damage one man can do to a beloved character? The great thing about comics is that a good writer with enough time could put Humpty Spidey back together again, but the fact remains: instead of uniting Spider-Man fans around a specific direction for Marvel’s flagship character, the Brain Trust has allowed the title to turn into a character study on the inner workings of Dan Slott’s mind. And Mr. Slott does not disappoint. By the end of Superior Spider-Man #9 we know exactly how he defines Peter: a mentally weak man-boy who at his core would allow a deranged psychopath like Doctor Octopus to bring him to his knees and wipe him from existence.

This is Dan Slott's Spider-Man. With decades of experience, at his core he's still just a scared little immature boy. Again: sad. — This is Dan Slott’s Spider-Man. With decades of experience, at his core he’s still just a scared little immature man-boy with tears welling up in his eyes. Sad.

Here’s a quick recap, so you don’t need to purchase the book:

1. Doc Ock figures out that a piece of Peter still remains locked away in his brain.
2. The villain attempts to erase this memory from existence while inside his laboratory and fails. Doc Ock must “go in.”
3. Having physically “killed” Peter in Amazing Spider-Man #700, writer Dan Slott gives Doctor Octopus a chance to “kill” him off psychologically as well. Once again, the true hero goes down in rather embarrassing fashion.
4. Doctor Octopus is triumphant.

Again, Marvel’s promotional campaign for the issue promised readers they would be angry, but why? Dan Slott does the equivalent of a double tap — he killed off Peter in ASM 700, and for all intents and purposes he did it again in SSM 9. Perhaps in a few more issues Doc Ock could make a deal with Mephisto to scatter Peter Parker’s soul into a billion pieces across the universe just to rub it in even further. Maybe Slott wants to go for the mind-body-soul hat trick of destruction. At this point, it’s almost to be expected.

If I was writing the book, I’d have Ock find all the secrets Mephisto locked away of Peter’s life with Mary Jane still inside his head. Ock could tell Peter the truth, undo “the deal,” and in many ways redeem himself by resurrecting true love. In the process, Ock would then create his own new enemy — Mephisto. It would be a great story, it would make fans happy and it would quickly undo a ton of damage done over the years in a plausible way. But hey … I’m just that “crazy conservative blogger” who loves Spider-Man. Who am I to talk? Call me when you want a writer who loves Spider-Man on your payroll, Marvel.

The real questions for Spider-Man fans are as follows:

Do you believe Marvel will bring back Peter Parker? If the answer yes, it will be obvious that he will have his reputation completely ruined and, on some level, be forced to build it back up from scratch. (This is actually a good idea, but the execution of it all — no pun intended — has been horrendous).
Given that, does anyone trust Dan Slott with the rebuilding process?

I’ll leave you with a quote from my brother, who read Amazing Spider-Man to me on his lap when I was a child:

You and Main Event don’t enjoy the story and [Dan Slott] comes back with sales. Let’s see … remember the Sesame Street “which of the 4 don’t belong?” game as a kid? My four are Jimmy Page, Aretha Franklin, Neil Peart, and Justin Bieber. Three are respected musicians with decades-long career success. I’ll say Bieber doesn’t belong in the others’ league. Then again, Bieber did have more “sales” this past year, so by Slottian logic I guess I’m an idiot, too.

Boom. Quality-wise, Superior Spider-Man is the Justin Bieber of Marvel titles. Enjoy those sales while they last. Years from now, it will be the quality that critics talk about, and they will not treat this era of Spider-Man kindly.

Update:

Here’s another question: Where was any meaningful presence of Uncle Ben in SSM #9? In Peter’s mind, Uncle Ben would have towered over Doctor Octopus like a colossus (or was that a Galactus?). In a battle for Peter’s existence, how cool would it have been for Uncle Ben to give Peter the strength and courage to adapt and overcome? How amazing would it have been to see Doctor Octopus quiver in the presence of a real man — Uncle Ben — and melt away like the Wicked Witch? We’ll never know, because Marvel wanted to make readers “angry” instead of inspired.

Fantom Comics, Washington, D.C. Union Station location. Sales are "Going okay. We had a drop off because I think what's going on with a lot of people is that they've shaken up the status quo so much that they're just uncomfortable with it." — Fantom Comics, Washington, D.C. Union Station location. According to the man behind the counter, sales are “Going okay. We had a drop off because I think what’s going on with a lot of people is that they’ve shaken up the status quo so much that they’re just uncomfortable with it.”

Dan Slott’s moral relativism killed Spider-Man: One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter

April 6, 2013April 12, 2017by Douglas Ernst35 Comments

Imagine if you will, a scenario where a thin-skinned comic book writer goes off on a tirade laced with ad hominem attacks on blogger who was simply putting forth a straight-forward critique of his work. Imagine that online outburst setting off a chain of events in which another fan ends up introducing the blogger to a Newsarama interview he was unfamiliar with. The reader says he’d like to see a response to the interview. Does the blogger do it?

Well imagine no longer, because that blogger is me and I intend to do address the issue. The Newsarama interview, in short, perfectly embodies everything that is wrong with Dan Slott’s approach to Spider-Man. As I did in my last piece, I will break it up into smaller sections so readers can see the two different visions side by side.

Nrama: With Superior Spider-Man, you’re writing Doc Ock as a lead character for really the first time, and a more long-term Doc Ock story than has really been seen before. We’re seeing the character put in very different situations, interacting with totally different characters. What kind of task has that been — approaching his mindset and his attitude in the position of a lead character?

Slott: He’s trying his best to be a hero, but he’s doing it in a very Doc Ock way. And Doc Ock’s an egotistical, annoying sh*t. It makes him an interesting character. At his core, he’s someone we don’t really think of heroic. But is he any more annoying than [former villain] Hawkeye used to be?

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but did Hawkeye ever try and put in motion plans to bring about an extinction-level event? If I missed that one, can someone let me know the issue so I can read it tomorrow? I would say that trying to incinerate 6 billion people is slightly more “annoying” than anything Hawkeye could ever dish out.

Slott: Also, when you look at Doc Ock, he was so much like Peter Parker. Peter Parker, if he didn’t know the lessons of power and responsibility, that teenage nerd would have grown up to be an Otto Octavius nerd, with the same kind of, “I’m going to make them pay.” This is the flip of that. This is Doc Ock getting to go back in time and be as young as Peter Parker, and have force-fed into him this sense of power and responsibility. He has that lesson from Uncle Ben in his core. That was Peter Parker’s parting gift to the world — I’m not going to leave the world a villain, I’m going to leave them a hero.

Peter Parker’s “gift” (i.e., Dan Slott’s “gift”) to the world was that he has allowed a character who should be serving 5,000 life sentences for crimes against humanity off the hook. Before redemption can occur on earth a man must pay for his crimes and atone for his sins. Doc Ock has the blood of countless innocents on his hands, but because Peter beamed “with great power comes great responsibility” into the villain’s head moments before he died then it’s somehow all okay? Of course not. And that’s why this current run is so repulsive to anyone with a shred of respect for the character; they would never allow Doctor Octopus to take up the mantle of Spider-Man.

Slott: Doc never intended to be on this path, and in his own way he’s very good at it. He’s just doing it differently than Peter would.

Do you see Punisher as a hero? Do you see Wolverine as a hero? If these guys can be heroes, why can’t Doc Ock?

And this is where the moral relativist in Dan Slott exposes himself for all the world to see. It’s the “one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter” mentality. One man’s Spider-Man is another man’s Doc Ock. One man’s Captain America is another man’s Red Skull. It’s sick.

Since when has the core of Wolverine’s or the Punisher’s character ever been about wanton destruction, innocents be damned? When have they ever took it upon themselves to devise plots and plans that would see countless men, women and innocent children blown to bits?

Do Wolverine and Punisher push the definition of what it means to be a hero to its limits? Yes. But reasonable people know that if they were ever tried and convicted in a court of law for taking matters into their own hands (e.g., tracking down a drug lord and killing him in his sleep) that is the price one must pay for dishing out vigilante justice.

That aside, the philosophical gap between Wolverine and Doctor Octopus is so enormous that to even ask why one can be a hero and the other can’t is ludicrous. When anyone can be a hero — despite a lifetime of evil they have not answered for— then we might as well all be villains.

Slott: Here’s someone as evil as Massacre — if Spider-Man had just captured him and webbed him up, he’d be out six months from now, doing this again. Yeah, sure he was helpless, and his wrist was snapped, and disarmed, but, “If I shoot him in the head, I’ve saved 30 people in the future.” Doc Ock can look at it almost as a math equation, and be very happy with himself, and sleep well at night knowing what he did. For him, that’s power and responsibility.

Again, unless the hero is on a battlefield or working on behalf of a sovereign nation to mitigate threats to national security, the discretion he has as it pertains to the use of deadly force is severely constrained. Cases like Massacre’s are what the criminal justice system is for. Maybe in the Marvel Universe citizens are so dumb that they have done away with the death penalty — I don’t know. But from what I gather, a justice system exists, and a real hero would attempt to work within the confines of the system as much as possible, given how difficult it would be in a world where Galactus could show up at a moment’s notice.

Given that Dan Slott’s Superior Spider-Man simply runs numbers in his head to determine whether or not he’s doing the right thing or not, what would stop him from wiping out an entire city of innocents to “save” lives? Perhaps one day the ‘Superior Spider-Man’ will go all evil Al Gore (is that redundant?) and determine that the only way to stave off global warming is to wipe out Los Angeles, New York and Chicago. If you torture numbers long enough they’ll tell you anything you want to hear, and Dan Slott’s own concept of what a “hero” is allows for megalomaniacs like Doctor Octopus to enter the tent.

Nrama: It might be too probably reading too much into it, but with the cutaway, and only Captain America out and out saying that Spidey killed Massacre, is he definitely dead, or is there some deliberate ambiguity there?

Remember a few years ago, during Marvel’s weird Bush-allegory, whereas the Civil War story line and the events surrounding the Superhero Registration Act gave readers their daily does of social commentary on the Patriot Act? I do. Captain America was fighting for the “rights” of the guy who could walk into his neighbor’s house on a daily basis, rape his wife and kids in front of them, and then mind-wipe the family so no one remembered the gruesome crimes took place.

What does that have to do with Superior Spider-Man? Quite a bit, actually. The liberalism that worked it’s way in to a Marvel event, in such a way that Captain America would be so insane as to oppose a federal registry of citizens in the U.S. with the power to alter space and time, is the same liberalism that allows allows Dan Slott to wonder why Doctor Octopus can’t be a hero — merely months after the character came within inches of triggering the apocalypse.

Slott: Massacre’s dead. I think what people are reading as ambiguous is what we can show you in a Spider-Man comic. We can’t show you brain matter shooting out of the back of a head. … With Massacre we can look at it, and go, “He just saved a lot of lives.”

And with Superior Spider-Man, Marvel is hemorrhaging tens-of-thousands of fans who would be happy to buy a Spider-Man book, if only the men in charge weren’t so morally confused that they would redefine the word ‘hero’ until it permitted Peter Parker to make a deal with the devil and for Doctor Octopus to ultimately don the true hero’s mask.

There’s only one word left to describe the state of Spider-Man today: Sad.

Update: Newsrama has seemingly blocked me from commenting on a blog about … me. I guess when you tactfully defend yourself you’re a troll. Or perhaps if you make Dan Slott look bad the powers that be cut you off. That happens when you’re friends with the writer.

This is why blogs are so important. They can not shut you up on your own blog. Marvel did the very same thing during OMD/BND to anyone who made “the brain trust” look bad. If you’re upset with the status quo, start your own blog.

Also, my traffic spiked again. As usual, that meant that Dan Slott was sending people off to Google search until they found me. But here’s the catch: I did not tweet the story, share it on Tumblr or post it to Facebook or any other social media platform. So that means Dan Slott kept tabs on me or was weirdly looking for stories about himself — and then had the nerve to call me crazy. Remember when he stalked “The Main Event”? I do.

Dan Slott stalked 'The Main Event'. Last night, I posted this piece, but did not share it on Twitter, Tumblr or any other social media platforms. — Dan Slott stalked ‘The Main Event’. Last night I posted this piece, but did not share it on Twitter, Tumblr or any other social media platforms. Slott obviously was keeping tabs on this site or weirdly looking for stories about himself, and then he has the nerve to call me crazy.

Dan Slott goes nuts over sales because he knows Spider-Man fans don’t respect him

April 3, 2013December 27, 2015by Douglas Ernst174 Comments

Dan Slott Captain America shirt — In one corner we have Dan Slott, who thinks that typing insults and using all-caps gives his assertions more validity. In the other we have a comic fan who is willing to debate the issues and stay on point. Is it any wonder why Dan Slott only insults “conservative bloggers” from a distance?

There’s an old saying that goes something like this: “He who thinks one man can’t be effective has never slept in bed with a mosquito.” And so, it is with that mentality that I blog away, whether it’s something as important as exposing the truth behind North Korean gulags or the small stuff like Dan Slott’s treatment of American icons like Spider-Man.

Dan Slott has referred to me multiple times in his Twitter feed, although never by name. It’s always been, pejoratively, “conservative blogger.” And yesterday, after pointing out that everyone but Dan Slott knows Superior Spider-Man is inferior to Amazing Spider-Man, he upped the ante with an extended rant — again not tagging me in the tweet or even linking back to the original post.

Yes, according to Dan, I am an “idiot.” If that’s the case, why would he go off on such a diatribe? And why would he shy away from exposing me as an idiot for all to see on my very own blog? Nothing would be sweeter than to once-and-for-all put that ‘idiot conservative blogger’ in his place, right?

The reason why Dan Slott throws out ad hominem attacks from afar with me is because he knows I’ll tear him to shreds.

So now, I will deconstruct Dan’s drivel for all the world to see — and invite him to exchange in a lively debate in the comments section, where he can pummel me to the ground like Doc Ock in command of Peter’s body.

Dear Conservative Blogger who was upset that Peter Parker/Spider-Man
saved North Korean soldiers instead of LEAVING THEM TO DIE– BECAUSE
HE REVERED ALL LIFE…

False. As I discussed before, the reason why I was upset was that with 6 billion lives on the line, Dan Slott’s Peter Parker took precious time — when every second counted — to lecture his teammates about the sanctity of North Korea’s gulag overseers. Yes, that same North Korean regime that is now threatening to nuke the United States.

My point was that Spider-Man enters war zones, and then refuses to act like a solider because the truth is, sometimes you have to take a life in order to save a life. Or in Spider-Man’s case, six billion. That is real life. That is what law enforcement agencies and soldiers must deal with every day. And that is the kind of moral conundrum that would make for an interesting Spider-Man story, instead of the half-baked ideas Dan Slott dishes out on a regular basis.

Dear Same-Conservative-Blogger who is NOW upset that Otto
Octavius/Spider-Man took out a crazed gunman who killed over 30 people
in a shooting INSTEAD of letting the police cart him away to prison–
BECAUSE Otto thought that man (even though helpless at the time)
deserved to die, might later get out, and kill again…

False. Again, there is a difference between a murderer on the streets of New York — who is due his day in court by a trial of his peers — and the combatant on a battlefield, who does not have the same constitutional rights granted to Americans. Now that it’s obvious that Dan Slott doesn’t know the difference between the two, we can better understand why Marvel spent time sending Captain America after the Tea Party instead of Taliban head-choppers in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

You are an IDIOT.

No, Dan — you appear to be the one without the intellectual chops, as has been demonstrated above. I have calmly shown how the only way you appear remotely intelligent is by misrepresenting what I say on a platform where your drones can not compare our arguments side by side. To top it all off, the only way I know you’re talking about me is because those very same drones are Googling my work, which shows up in my Wordress statistics when they finally land on the site.

I’m not saying that BECAUSE you are a Conservative Blogger.

Everyone is entitled to their own political beliefs.

I’m saying that BECAUSE you, specifically– independent of the fact
you’re a Conservative Blogger– ARE an idiot.

When someone’s beliefs/ideologies/presuppositions BLIND them to their
own hypocrisies– WHEREVER those beliefs/ideologies/presuppositions
lie– CONSERVATIVE, LIBERAL, or WHAT-HAVE-YOU– THOSE PEOPLE (like
yourself) ARE COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOTS.

Congratulations.

It says something about a guy who thinks because he writes the word ‘idiot’ multiple times and abuses the Caps Lock key that what he’s saying must be true.

You are NOT a rational, thinking human being. You’re an idiot who’s
had their brain removed and filled with the
pap/preconceived-notions/rhetoric/propaganda/talking-points of others.

There is no talking, conversing, or reasoning with you. Enjoy your
idiocy by yourself and those stupid enough to endure it, you brain
dead ideologue.

Again, Dan’s argument boils down to: “idiot-idiot-idiot-idiot-stupid-brain dead.” And yet, I’m supposedly the one who is “not rational”? Good one, Dan.

But it isn’t until the end that we see what really gets Dan’s goat:

And, BTW, it DOESN’T matter how many copies of SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN are
on the racks of your Barnes & Noble in Lynchburg, Virginia. The book
is doing PHENOMENALLY well.

How does one define “phenomenally well”? (I’m sorry if I don’t use all-caps like Dan. I understand that typing in big letters doesn’t magically give my point more validity.) If we’re talking about the tens-of-thousands of readers like me, who flip through Marvel comics these days only to put them back on the shelf to buy frozen yogurt, then I wouldn’t call that phenomenal. I still buy comics — just rarely anything Marvel.

It works like this: It’s a TOP 10 BOOK– one of Marvel’s BEST
performing titles– hell, one of the BEST performing titles in the
ENTIRE AMERICAN MARKET! Google the sales. THEN, once you see how it’s
ACTUALLY doing nationwide, factor THIS in: EVERY SINGLE ISSUE HAS SOLD
OUT ON THE DISTRIBUTOR LEVEL AND GONE BACK FOR MULTIPLE PRINTINGS– ON
TOP OF THOSE NUMBERS!

What does THAT mean? That means that LOTS of readers ACROSS the
country are buying enough copies that enough retailers are SELLING OUT
and having to place REORDERS– and that those REORDERS are eating
through whatever stock Diamond has. Not all books sell out. SUPERIOR
SPIDER-MAN does. So even though you’d like to paint its sales as “not
superior,” you would be DEMONSTRATIVELY WRONG. IN A VERY EASY TO PROVE
WAY.

Not once in my post did I make an argument for sales of Superior Spider-Man on a national or even a regional level. In fact, 95 percent of my post was about how Slott misses the boat when it comes to telling a compelling story. It has almost nothing to do with sales, except for one sentence about sales in Lynchburg, Va., specifically. Could I have talked about the comic shops in and around Washington, DC — where I actually live? Yes. Could I have talked about The Main Event’s take down of Slott and his on-the-ground experience with large comic shops in Philly? Yes. But I didn’t do that.

Congratulations Dan, for inventing a case I never made about sales and then putting me in my place for it. Here’s what I said:

The bottom line is this: After six issues of the Superior Spider-Man, it is more apparent than ever that the decision to kill off The Amazing Spider-Man in the manner Mr. Slott did was not worth the cost in good will towards Marvel. For every interesting morsel readers are given to chew on, there are mouthfuls of spoiled stale ideas that remind them why “Superior” is vastly inferior to its predecessor.

This morning, a Twitter follower read my post and told me to check out Marvel’s press release for Superior Spider-Man #9. It reads in part: “The hottest comic in comics comes to a turning point that will get you angrier than you were after Spidey #700!” (emphasis added).

Again, Dan Slott’s entire run is fueled on anger. It seems as though everything Marvel has done with Spider-Man over the past handful of years has been predicated on channeling anger to motivate people instead of love for one of the greatest comic book characters ever. And that’s what’s so sad, because it doesn’t have to be that way.

It’s okay to have your own opinions. It’s not okay to make up your own
“facts.” Especially when you’re drawing gross assumptions from small
and biased samplings.

This is coming from a guy who took me to task on a sales argument I never made in the blog post he was referencing.

Also, idiot, no rape took place in the pages of Superior Spider-Man.
And the OTHER idiot who lead you to believe that– the guy who writes
Aunt May fan-fic porn, commissions naked pictures of MaryJane Watson
art from people on DeviantArt, and makes bogus sales charts for
Amazing Spider-Man while purposefully leaving off the TOP THIRD of all
the (inaccurate) data he can find? The SAME idiot who created the
#SuperiorSpiderRapist hash tag? The SAME idiot who tweeted well into
the triple digits how MJ would DEFINITELY be raped in the pages of the
book? Even THAT idiot came out and admitted that he was WRONG and that
no physical rape took place. So congrats on keeping THAT
misinformation flowing, you idiot.

Aaaaand rant over. 😀

Notice how Dan Slott got all Clinton-esque, there? No “physical rape” took place. But we all know that the Superior Spider-Man is for all intents and purposes a wannabe rapist. There’s really no way around it. So instead of actually talking about what it would mean to have Doc Ock misrepresent himself to Mary Jane while trying to get in her pants, Dan Slott tries to insinuate that I somehow frequent fan fiction websites that dabble in Spidey porn.

No dice, Dan. And no amount of all caps or emoticons or ‘idiot’ references can hide the fact that unless you’re attacking me from afar I will nail you to the wall.

If Superior Spider-Man is such a hit, why does Dan Slott scour the internet like he was Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap, trying to right the wrongs of “idiots” like me? He wouldn’t, unless he knew that all the sales in the world won’t translate into respect. That’s why he must use ‘conservative’ as a pejorative instead of referring to me by name. That’s why he resorts to ad hominem attacks. That’s why he lashes out. In the end, all he has left is a desperate attempt to rob his critics of their legitimacy, even if it’s through infantile “rants” that end in smiley faces.

Newsflash: It’s not working.

I bought countless issues of Amazing Spider-Man out of sheer morbid curiosity and at times anger before I gave up on Marvel. And there are many others like me out there. Would Dan Slott like me to run through some of the incredibly crappy titles from the early 90’s that sold more copies than the “Top 10” books in 2013, just to show you how far the industry has fallen?

The real measure of “success” for any creator is what the fans will say about him after he’s gone. And Dan Slott knows that he is seen by throngs of fans as a petulant man-boy who doesn’t take criticism well. Taking to Twitter to call people “idiots” instead of having a measured discussion doesn’t help his case any.

Update: Newsrama has seemingly blocked me from commenting on a blog about … me. I guess when you tactfully defend yourself you’re a troll. Or perhaps if you make Dan Slott look bad the powers that be cut you off. That happens when you’re friends with the writer.

If you thought something was so stupid you had to vent about it on Twitter, wouldn't you direct your followers to it? Of course. That is, unless you know deep down that the object of your anger is actually rather intelligent and capable of drawing intellectual blood. — If you thought something was so stupid you had to vent about it on Twitter, wouldn’t you direct your followers to it? Of course. That is, unless you know deep down that the object of your anger is rather nimble and capable of drawing intellectual blood.

Dan Slott stalks comic fan, gets intellectually body slammed

February 1, 2013July 30, 2013by Douglas Ernst10 Comments

It was only weeks ago that Marvel’s Dan Slott “killed” off Peter Parker in Amazing Spider-Man #700 and handed the hero’s mantle to a villain who wanted to transcend Hitler and Pol Pot in terms of evil perpetrated upon the world. It was only a few weeks ago that Dan Slott thought long-time Spider-Man fans would be okay reading a rip-off of 2003’s “Freaky Friday” starring Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan — only with Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus. (Or was that 1988’s “Vice Versa” starring Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage?) And it was only a few weeks ago that Dan Slott assumed that no one would care if an American icon’s arch enemy took over the hero’s body and then put the moves on his true love. (Doctor Octopus isn’t a rapist — yet — he’s just a wannabe rapist, you “crazy town banana pants” little fool.)

Well, now the “Superior Spider-Man” has had two issues come out, and while fans haven’t yet been treated to the the “Superior Spider-Rapist,” Mr. Slott has assured us that we will forever have the Superior Self-Pleasuring Spider-Man. As the guys over a Spider-Man Crawlspace observed:

Everyone was so worried that a rape-by-deception would occur between Otto and MJ, this other possibility never even occurred to them: if you take over someone else’s body and then masturbate it in, is that rape?

Yes, this is how far Marvel has fallen. Narcissistic man-boys like Dan Slott are in control of the wheel, drunk on their editorial power. They’re so dizzy that they don’t even realize they’ve gone over a cliff and are careening for the pavement. The character of Spider-Man over the past six years or so has been talked about not because of his spell-binding stories, but because of the antics and gimmicks of the writers in charge.

And so, it was with great pleasure that I watched a comic fan absolutely destroy Dan Slott on YouTube for all the world to see. Dan Slott, the guy who trolls the internet looking for excuses to talk about how great he is or how dumb his detractors are, finally stalked the wrong dude.

Behold: Mr. Slott is intellectually pummeled into a pile of goo. For those who read Amazing Spider-Man #700, please recall the scene in which Doctor Octopus (in Peter’s body) punches the Scorpion’s jaw clean off with one blow. Imagine someone verbally making contact like that with Dan Slott’s body again … and again … and again, because that’s what The Main Event video is like.

If you’re a fan who has heard about the bizarre behavior of Dan Slott, you’ll love it. And if you’re like me, who was blocked from his Twitter account — even though I never even interacted with the guy (i.e., he finds stories about himself online and blocks people who disagree with him) — then you’ll enjoy it even more.

Dan Slott finally stalked the wrong guy. In one extemporaneous speech, the creator of The Main Event tore his online behavior to shreds. It was like he took his big strong hands, wrapped them around Mr. Slott's head, and just squeezed until all that was left was a giant puddle of ego on the floor. — Dan Slott finally stalked the wrong guy. In one extemporaneous speech, the creator of The Main Event tore the Marvel writer’s online behavior to shreds. It was like he took his big strong hands, wrapped them around Mr. Slott’s head, and just squeezed until all that was left was a giant puddle of ego on the floor.

First, the abridged version:

Dan Slott, you are not worthy to don the shirt of Captain America on your chest. You’re not. Especially with the way you act. You didn’t learn anything from Spider-Man. You didn’t learn anything (obviously) from Captain American. With your actions — the way you act — you should be ashamed of yourself. You are way too old to be online picking fights with people because they have a difference of opinion. It’s that simple. I’ll put it like this: I spent my eight dollars on ASM #700. It was not up to par. It was unsatisfactory — to me. Okay? I have a right as a consumer, to my opinion. It’s that simple. That’s how it works. If you don’t like it, deal with it. It’s that simple….

Apparently, Dan Slott does this all the time. That’s right. He goes on the forums and fights with people on the internet over stuff that is said about him. Mind you, I didn’t even say anything about him … but now he’s going on Spider-Man Crawlspace. … Apparently, he has a history of flaming people and fighting with people. At one point he does try to act somewhat like an adult until he tells the guy to f**k off. Literally: F**k off. You’ve got to be kidding me. This old man is acting that way. …

In another interview he complains so much about the fan backlash and death threats … And this is what a person said to him. They said to him on Twitter that they would take a pencil and ram in through his eye. This is what a person said to him. Do you know what Dan Slott said? He’s “old.” He’s “out of shape.” All right. So you should know if you’re out of shape you should be taking care of yourself. He’s out of shape and he can’t defend himself. That’s what he said. But what he would do, is sue.

So let’s get something straight here. You go online, you troll people, you fight with people, but when someone tries to bring it to you in the real you want to sue them. That’s the most cowardly thing I’ve seen in my life. And if that’s how you act, and you bring that behavior to your fan base (and that’s how they act) then there’s a problem.

And Marvel, I’ll put it like this: You need to take care of this. Because as far as I’m concerned, I will never buy a book with Dan Slott’s name on it ever again. … Understand Marvel, you hired Dan Slott. He represents you. And this is how he acts. Online. An old man. This is how he acts. Understand that this is not the way things are supposed to be. It’s time to put some of these dudes out to pasture. It really is. Dan Slott, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Boom. Smack down. Pile driver. Whatever you want to call it, this guy is spot on. The only thing that would make this video better would be if it turned out that he’s liberal. Then, given the conservative nature of this website, we can say that Dan Slott’s behavior is so strange and so odd and so worthy of condemnation that it transcends ideology.

Bravo, Dan. Bravo. You are truly a sight to behold, even if it’s for all the wrong reasons.

And now, the full video. Well done, sir. A classic.

Amazing Spider-Man #700: Doc Slott pens ending only villains could love

December 26, 2012December 28, 2012by Douglas Ernst10 Comments

Is the Superior Spider-Man a rapist? Has Dan Slott penned one of the most insulting send offs for an American icon in the history of comics? Given that the “Superior” Spider-Man would have slept with Mary Jane if given the chance in Amazing Spider-Man #700, it would be hard to argue with anyone who says “yes” to the former. (At a minimum, he’s a wannabe rapist.) The answer to the latter is, unequivocally, yes.

Dan Slott's Superior Spider-Man was given access to Peter Parker's memories and, not surprisingly, fallen for Mary Jane. Since he made no attempt to disclose this information while trying to sleep while simply kissing her — Dan Slott’s Superior Spider-Man was given access to Peter Parker’s memories and, not surprisingly, fell for Mary Jane. Since he made no attempt to disclose this information while trying to sleep with her or while stealing a kiss, readers will be forgiven if they refer to him as the Superior Spider-Rapist. (Image: Amazing Spider-Man #700)

Writer Dan Slott told readers to check out the book before passing judgment. Now that Amazing Spider-Man #700 has hit the shelves, the vast majority of fears regarding the issue have been realized. Besides, who needs to read the story when Slott has already spelled out exactly what his intentions were in an interview with CNN:

Dan Slott: For all intents and purposes, [Otto] was the adult Peter could have become, Spider-Man’s dark reflection. So what if we flipped it? What if we gave him a second chance? Peter’s final, heroic act was giving Doc all the memories and experiences that kept him on the right path. But is that enough? Can that overcome Ock’s true nature?

It was never Peter’s decision to give Doc a “second chance” because even in the Marvel Universe that pesky thing called the rule of law exists. A character with a history of murder, mayhem and crimes against humanity does not simply get to realize “with great power comes responsibility” and be absolved (legally and morally) for his sins. The evil cherry on top of Dan Slott’s poisonous sundae is that the villain murders the hero and then convinces himself that it’s okay because he’ll be “a better Spider-Man than you ever were. From this day forth, I shall become The Superior Spider-Man!”

Someone needs to tell Mr. Slott that you get a “second chance” after you’ve atoned for your sins. You get a “second chance” after you’ve legally paid your dues for the wrongs you have wrought on society. You don’t get a second chance simply because there’s a moment in time you realize what an evil maniacal bastard you’ve been for your entire adult life. Dan Slott’s attempt to convince readers that they should accept Otto Octavius as Spider-Man is an Orwellian effort only the Inner Party could love: War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength. Spider-Man is Doctor Octopus. Evil is Good. Deceit is Honesty.

There are consequences for our actions. The character Peter Parker let the thief go who ended up murdering his Uncle Ben and he had to live with the consequences for the rest of his life. Likewise, the character Otto Octavius openly stated he wanted to transcend Pol Pot and Hitler — and had the track record to prove he gave it his best shot. As much as writers would like to wonder “What if?” in regards to such a villain, a responsible creative team would never say, “Let’s kill off one of the world’s most beloved characters and try and convince his legions of fans that his arch enemy, deep down, was always the “superior” hero.”

With the release of Amazing Spider-Man #700, it’s official: Marvel has given its fans a gigantic radioactive middle finger. Hopefully, the response will be to treat the Super Spider-Man like the toxic insult he is.

It takes more than “unparalleled genius” and “boundless ambition” to be Peter Parker. “Friends, Romans, countrymen … Dan Slott hath told you that Spider-Man was an ambitious man … for Dan Slott is an honorable man.” (Image: Amazing Spider-Man #700)

Superior Spider-Man: Is Dan Slott asking readers to root for a rapist?

December 20, 2012May 15, 2013by Douglas Ernst48 Comments

Superior Spider-Man Doctor Octopus — Has Marvel turned The Amazing Spider-Man into The Amazing Rapist? If the leaks about Amazing Spider-Man #700 are true, fans may be looking at the destruction of an icon.

Amazing Spider-Man #700 has been leaked, and unless readers have been given the best head-fake of all time, it appears as though Doctor Octopus is the new “Superior” Spider-Man. In short, his mind is in Peter’s body. In his final moments, early indicators are that Peter helps bring Doctor Octopus to an epiphany: Deep down, Otto just wanted to be a hero.

It brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? Perhaps, if not for the fact that the guy who admittedly wanted to transcend Pol Pot and Hitler appears to have been sleeping with the real hero’s true love — under false pretenses. Unless Doctor Octopus disclosed to Mary Jane beforehand that his mind was occupying Peter’s body he is, essentially, a rapist. And, if the new Superior Spider-Man is a guy readers are supposed to root for, by extension Marvel is asking kids, young adults and longtime fans to give a nod of approval (in the form of strong monthly sales) to pure evil.

In my original post I voiced disgust at the idea that Mary Jane would ever consider dating a man whose crimes against humanity would embolden even the morally-bankrupt United Nations to call for his head. Having her sleep with the man turned my stomach, but it wasn’t until someone on Twitter actually used the word ‘rape’ that the enormity of what Dan Slott may have set the stage for sank in.

If Peter Parker really uses his dying breath to confer the mantle of “Spider-Man” onto Doctor Octopus it will be a tragedy of epic proportions. It would mean that Peter never truly grasped the rule of law, and that he had learned absolutely nothing — nothing — from Uncle Ben’s death. Giving Doctor Octopus the green light to essentially live his life — and thus absolving the criminal from taking responsibility for the heinous acts he has committed over the years — would be the worst send off Marvel could have ever given The Amazing Spider-Man. Dan Slott might as well have found a way to turn Uncle Ben’s killer into the new Spider-Man; it’s that bad.

Think of all the murder, carnage, destruction and evil that Doctor Octopus has wrought upon the Marvel Universe. For God’s sake, the guy was the mastermind behind The Sinister Six. And yet, because he has a psychological sob story readers are supposed to clap when Peter hands over his “great power” and implores his executioner to do the right thing? It’s sick.

Dan Slott’s Superior Spider-Man seems poised to be the poster child for the worst liberal moral relativism has to offer. One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter. One man’s Spider-Man is another man’s Doctor Octopus. Consequences for our actions? That’s so Uncle Ben of us to expect. Why shouldn’t a guy be able to take the world within an inch of Armageddon one day and then skip his day in court the next because he wants to put on the red and blue tights of real superhero? In the modern Marvel Universe, he can!

With that, I pray that I’m wrong. But what is a fan to think after the infamous deal with (for all intents and purposes) the Devil? Norman Osborn’s rape of Gwen Stacy? (And if it turns out that Mary Jane is the latest victim of such a crime, one must ask why Marvel is so obsessed with having the women in Peter’s life treated in such a way.) It’s hard not to believe the worst at this point.

Perhaps the only consolation I have at this point is the belief that the writers and editors have given themselves an escape hatch. There’s always an escape hatch. Granted, Marvel has pummeled Peter’s reputation into the ground, but with a strong creative mind at the helm there’s always a way out — even if takes them a decade to crawl to the surface.

If the worst predictions about Superior Spider-Man turn out to be true, I hope all die-hard Spider-Man fans do the right thing and encourage others to withhold cash.

While I'm not into Spider-Man porn, I am the "neo-con" who wrote about Spider-Man's absurd "no one dies" mentality proved what a naive loser he has become with Slott at the helm. Maybe Dan Slott never read up on North Korean gulags. It's a shame. — While I have nothing to do with Spidey porn, I am the “NeoCon” who wrote about how Spider-Man’s absurd “no one dies”mentality proved what a naive loser he has become with Slott at the helm. Maybe Dan Slott never read up on North Korean gulags. It’s a shame. He might learn something about how the world really works. As it stands, he has to resort to misrepresenting my positions in order to continue denying his own ignorance.

Another example of Dan Slott addressing me in a way that I would never see unless I was stalking his Twitter feed or a kind reader brought it to my attention. I wonder why I wasn't tagged or why Mr. Slott didn't comment here... Perhaps because he wouldn't be able to make disingenuous claims without having them shot to pieces. — Another example of Dan Slott addressing me in a way that I would never see unless a kind reader brought it to my attention. I wonder why I wasn’t tagged or why Mr. Slott didn’t comment here… Perhaps because he wouldn’t be able to make disingenuous claims without having them shot to pieces. Someone needs to ask Mr. Slott why Peter’s “no one dies” crusade really meant: *“No one dies — except me. By the bad guy.”*

Amazing Spider-Man #700: Marvel gives radioactive middle finger to its fans

December 16, 2012December 27, 2012by Douglas Ernst22 Comments

Marvel has gone from asking you to root for the anti-hero to asking you to root for the villain. Doctor Octopus' mind is now inside Peter Parker's body, but instead of a few issues it looks like he'll be around awhile. — Marvel has gone from asking you to root for its stable of antiheroes to the villain. Doctor Octopus’ mind is now inside Peter Parker’s body, but instead of a few issues it looks like he’ll be around awhile. Hopefully an exodus of readers ensues. (Image: ASM #699)

I grew up on The Amazing Spider-Man. For all intents and purposes I learned to read with the character. My older brother was the one who introduced me to Marvel comics. I’d sit on the arm of our old chair in the family room and he’d read to me. “With great power comes great responsibility” was engrained in my mind before “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal…” (although, truthfully, it’s not too hard to imagine that Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben would have fit in rather well with the Founding Fathers). I repaid Marvel for bringing the old web head into my life with years of loyalty — and Marvel then returned that favor by spitting in my eye.

In 2007, Marvel’s “One More Day” took the character tens-of-thousands of readers loved for his honesty and integrity and essentially had him make a deal with the Devil. Got that? The Devil. It was a move that was so fundamentally disconnected from anything Peter Parker would ever do that to this day it still makes me angry that a creative team that would allow for it to happen was placed in a position of authority.

What was “the deal” over? His grandmother. Peter Parker’s and Mary Jane’s marriage was “magically” erased (i.e., a deus ex machina that managed to make other deus ex machinas cringe) so that Peter could save his elderly grandmother, who had lived — any way you slice it — a full life. A grandmother who had a husband she wanted to be reunited with. A grandmother who knew her time was up and, rightfully, knew that at some point we all must face death.

One would think that after sucker-punching its fans and kneeing them in the kidneys Marvel would back off until the blood had disappeared from our urine. Wrong.

As the Amazing Spider-Man ends its run, Marvel has in effect put one of Spider-Man’s all time villains into his body. The Superior Spider-Man will apparently be none other than Doctor Octopus. The villain is now the hero. We’ve gone from being asked to root for the hero who compromises his principles to make a deal with the Devil to being asked to root for a monster. Up is down, down is up, good is bad and bad is good.

If Marvel was smart it would use a story about Peter defeating death to undo the deal with the Devil and finally put his marriage back together — but that increasingly looks like it isn’t going to happen. The same people who whined for years that a married Peter Parker was too hard to write made him single again — and shocker — the stories still sucked. That’s what happens when people who don’t respect the character’s core principles are at the helm.

To add insult to injury, the Superior Spider-Man (i.e., Doctor Octopus) slept with Aunt May and will now apparently be sleeping with Mary Jane. So the editors kill off the true hero and then ask us to shell out cash so we can be reminded once a month that the bad guy has been in bed with the good guy’s wife and his aunt. Classy.

Every time you pick up an issue of Superior Spider-Man you can be reminded that the villain slept with the real hero's wife ... and aunt. — Every time you pick up an issue of Superior Spider-Man in the future you can be reminded that the villain slept with the real hero’s wife … and aunt. (Image: ASM #699)

At some point in time Marvel decided that a good business model would be: “Let’s piss off our fans, particularly the ones who have been loyal to us for decades.” In a sane world, an organization seeks to find ways to hold on to loyal customers while bringing in new ones with each generation. Not Marvel. These days, when it comes to Spider-Man, smashing what’s left of his reputation seems to be the sole motivation for those in charge. The result? Many fans walk away all together, and some (like me), cut out basically every Marvel book they used to buy, only to sporadically purchase the one they love to hate out of sheer morbid curiosity.

The Amazing Spider-Man has become like an old dog to me. I grew up with and loved him for years, but he’s sick. He needs to be put down, but I haven’t been able let go because it’s not the old age that’s killing him; it’s a pack of self-absorbed men who keep poisoning his food. I think that with the new title, Superior Spider-Man, I’ll finally be able to say goodbye. Sadly, it seems as though that’s what “the brain trust” at Marvel was hoping would happen to readers like me all along.

Dan Slott’s Spider-Man: World’s Dumbest Super Hero

June 23, 2012December 13, 2015by Douglas Ernst11 Comments

The ‘Ends of the Earth’ storyline in Marvel’s Amazing Spider-Man has severely damaged the character’s credibility, due almost entirely to writer Dan Slott. I took flak from fans for mentioning that Spider-Man’s dangerously naive “no one dies” mentality is a war zone liability, and that only a fool would jeopardize a time-sensitive mission by worrying about the well-being of North Korean soldiers — when over six billion lives were on the line. Only a few weeks ago I said: “A hero is still a hero, but some of them are meant for city streets, and some of them are meant to determine the fate of the world.” And now, Dan Slott’s Spider-Man proved it through his own dialogue and actions:

“I’m not used to ‘End of the World’ stuff. Gimme a bank robbery or one of my regular bad guys. Now that I can handle,” (Dan Slott’s Spider-Man, Amazing Spider-Man #687).

Sadly, truer words were never spoken. Only pages later, Spider-Man is put in a situation where he must choose between saving Silver Sable’s life as she is held beneath rising water by the immovable Rhino, or stopping a satellite launch that will doom billions. Our hero feebly pulls at his enemy’s forearm like a little boy who yearns for a toy until Sable uses one of her last breaths to berate his idiocy: “If you don’t go — EVERYONE DIES! GO!”

Spider-Man Silver Sable — Look at Spider-Man with that blank stare on his face. You can almost see the wheels turning as he realizes what a fool his “no one dies” mantra is. Even in the face of death, Silver Sable has a clear enough head to know the correct course of action to take.

As I said before, Dan Slott’s Spider-Man is so myopic that he only sees the lives right there in front of him. He’s like a baby, tricked by peek-a-boo because his mind isn’t fully developed; if there are lives to be saved right in front of him, there’s a good chance he can be distracted.

With the climax of ‘Ends of the Earth’ at hand, Slott delivers — in the wrong way. The blinded fan will only remember Spider-Man finding an inner reserve of strength to break free from his bonds to save billions — again, thanks to the Silver Sable’s clear thinking at death’s door. What they won’t remember is that Doctor Octopus admitted he is pure evil right before Peter decided to save his life — instead of using the opportunity to return to Silver Sable. Doctor Octopus says: “I shall live on in infamy — a mass murderer worse than Pol Pot, Hitler, and Genghis Khan combined.

Only moments later, as Peter attempts to save the genocidal maniac from the crumbling fortress, he says: “I made a promise. As long as I’m around no one — … Come on. I’m getting you out of here.”

Note the pause. Peter obviously thinks of his teammate possibly drowning a few rooms over. I say ‘possibly’ because Spider-Man doesn’t know what happened after he left the room, and neither does the reader. Perhaps Silver Sable had one last trick up her sleeve. Perhaps another hero found a way to come to her aid. In that moment, wouldn’t the true hero have ditched the man who hoped to transcend Hitler, in an effort to check on his ally? In that situation, would it not have been better to at least recover her dead body over saving the man who was willing to subject billions to a burning death just seconds earlier? Let’s not even get into the many people who have been resuscitated after having been submerged in water for lengths of time conventional wisdom says is impossible…

It’s fitting that ‘Ends of the Earth’ would feature a character who (seemingly) died from drowning, because Dan Slott’s Spider-Man walks around like there isn’t enough oxygen going to his brain. Here’s to hoping that one day Spider-Man will come to his (spider) senses.