Dan Slott Superior Spider-Man

It was only weeks ago that Marvel’s Dan Slott “killed” off Peter Parker in Amazing Spider-Man #700 and handed the hero’s mantle to a villain who wanted to transcend Hitler and Pol Pot in terms of evil perpetrated upon the world. It was only a few weeks ago that Dan Slott thought long-time Spider-Man fans would be okay reading a rip-off of 2003’s “Freaky Friday” starring Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan — only with Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus. (Or was that 1988’s “Vice Versa” starring Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage?) And it was only a few weeks ago that Dan Slott assumed that no one would care if an American icon’s arch enemy took over the hero’s body and then put the moves on his true love. (Doctor Octopus isn’t a rapist — yet — he’s just a wannabe rapist, you “crazy town banana pants” little fool.)

Well, now the “Superior Spider-Man” has had two issues come out, and while fans haven’t yet been treated to the the “Superior Spider-Rapist,” Mr. Slott has assured us that we will forever have the Superior Self-Pleasuring Spider-Man. As the guys over a Spider-Man Crawlspace observed:

Everyone was so worried that a rape-by-deception would occur between Otto and MJ, this other possibility never even occurred to them: if you take over someone else’s body and then masturbate it in, is that rape?

Yes, this is how far Marvel has fallen. Narcissistic man-boys like Dan Slott are in control of the wheel, drunk on their editorial power. They’re so dizzy that they don’t even realize they’ve gone over a cliff and are careening for the pavement. The character of Spider-Man over the past six years or so has been talked about not because of his spell-binding stories, but because of the antics and gimmicks of the writers in charge.

And so, it was with great pleasure that I watched a comic fan absolutely destroy Dan Slott on YouTube for all the world to see. Dan Slott, the guy who trolls the internet looking for excuses to talk about how great he is or how dumb his detractors are, finally stalked the wrong dude.

Behold: Mr. Slott is intellectually pummeled into a pile of goo. For those who read Amazing Spider-Man #700, please recall the scene in which Doctor Octopus (in Peter’s body) punches the Scorpion’s jaw clean off with one blow. Imagine someone verbally making contact like that with Dan Slott’s body again … and again … and again, because that’s what The Main Event video is like.

If you’re a fan who has heard about the bizarre behavior of Dan Slott, you’ll love it. And if you’re like me, who was blocked from his Twitter account — even though I never even interacted with the guy (i.e., he finds stories about himself online and blocks people who disagree with him) — then you’ll enjoy it even more.

Dan Slott finally stalked the wrong guy. In one extemporaneous speech, the creator of The Main Event tore his online behavior to shreds. It was like he took his big strong hands, wrapped them around Mr. Slott's head, and just squeezed until all that was left was a giant puddle of ego on the floor.
Dan Slott finally stalked the wrong guy. In one extemporaneous speech, the creator of The Main Event tore the Marvel writer’s online behavior to shreds. It was like he took his big strong hands, wrapped them around Mr. Slott’s head, and just squeezed until all that was left was a giant puddle of ego on the floor.

First, the abridged version:

Dan Slott, you are not worthy to don the shirt of Captain America on your chest. You’re not. Especially with the way you act. You didn’t learn anything from Spider-Man. You didn’t learn anything (obviously) from Captain American. With your actions — the way you act — you should be ashamed of yourself. You are way too old to be online picking fights with people because they have a difference of opinion. It’s that simple. I’ll put it like this: I spent my eight dollars on ASM #700. It was not up to par. It was unsatisfactory — to me. Okay? I have a right as a consumer, to my opinion. It’s that simple. That’s how it works. If you don’t like it, deal with it. It’s that simple….

Apparently, Dan Slott does this all the time. That’s right. He goes on the forums and fights with people on the internet over stuff that is said about him. Mind you, I didn’t even say anything about him … but now he’s going on Spider-Man Crawlspace. … Apparently, he has a history of flaming people and fighting with people. At one point he does try to act somewhat like an adult until he tells the guy to f**k off. Literally: F**k off. You’ve got to be kidding me. This old man is acting that way. …

In another interview he complains so much about the fan backlash and death threats … And this is what a person said to him. They said to him on Twitter that they would take a pencil and ram in through his eye. This is what a person said to him. Do you know what Dan Slott said? He’s “old.” He’s “out of shape.” All right. So you should know if you’re out of shape you should be taking care of yourself. He’s out of shape and he can’t defend himself. That’s what he said. But what he would do, is sue.

So let’s get something straight here. You go online, you troll people, you fight with people, but when someone tries to bring it to you in the real you want to sue them. That’s the most cowardly thing I’ve seen in my life. And if that’s how you act, and you bring that behavior to your fan base (and that’s how they act) then there’s a problem.

And Marvel, I’ll put it like this: You need to take care of this. Because as far as I’m concerned, I will never buy a book with Dan Slott’s name on it ever again. … Understand Marvel, you hired Dan Slott. He represents you. And this is how he acts. Online. An old man. This is how he acts. Understand that this is not the way things are supposed to be. It’s time to put some of these dudes out to pasture. It really is. Dan Slott, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Boom. Smack down. Pile driver. Whatever you want to call it, this guy is spot on. The only thing that would make this video better would be if it turned out that he’s liberal. Then, given the conservative nature of this website, we can say that Dan Slott’s behavior is so strange and so odd and so worthy of condemnation that it transcends ideology.

Bravo, Dan. Bravo. You are truly a sight to behold, even if it’s for all the wrong reasons.

And now, the full video. Well done, sir. A classic.

Related: Dan Slott and Marvel’s Orwellian message boards can’t hide the truth: Fans want Peter Parker

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About the Author Douglas Ernst

I'm a former Army guy who believes success comes through hard work, honesty, optimism, and perseverance. I believe seeing yourself as a victim creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. I believe in God. I'm a USC Trojan with an MA in Political Science from American University.

10 comments

    1. Awhile back I was told he mentioned me on Twitter, and then when I tried to check it out I realized I was blocked. It was strange. Now I just think it’s funny.

    2. You’re a real winner, Justin. I’m such a creeper that someone else had to tell me Dan Slott mentioned me on his Twitter account (i.e., “NeoCon” and “Conservative blogger”).

      I talk about Dan Slott a lot? Really? 600 blog posts and maybe six deal with Spider-Man, Dan Slott, etc. So that’s 1 percent. You totally got me.

      You must not come here very often, because then you would know that I like when guys like you comment. The reason why is self-evident.

    3. I like the assumption that I would simply block someone who disagrees with me. No. No thanks. I like handing people a lot of rope and then watching what they do with it.

    1. It’s funny how guys like Justin Michael Klinger take their shots and then scurry back into whatever dark recesses of the internet they came from. Accuse me of being the kind of person who would block people, get proven wrong, and then “poof!” — they’re gone (in effect blocking themselves). It’s fascinating to watch someone who sees a particular creator as an idol flail about in the deep end of the pool without their water wings (i.e., a crowd of like-minded fans who can chime in with distractions and personal attacks).

  1. Douglas,
    I just want to say that I respect you as a writer and as a person. You tell your views and you are willing to listen to others. I would also like to thank you for inspiring me to start a blog (I plan to have one soon). I will look forward to reading your fair and honest view on any topic in which you write about.

    1. Thanks for the compliments, Fuzzball. While I generally come at my political posts from a conservative point of view, I do always strive for honesty. Usually it’s not the data someone disagrees with me on, but the interpretation of that data (as you’ve found out with Dan Slott). However, unlike Dan Slott, when we disagree I won’t demonize you or call you names, etc. I’ve only deleted a handful of comments, and those were by people whose only “contribution” was a string of expletives (usually in all caps and with exclamation marks).

      Although, truthfully, I like when someone disagrees with me and is willing to post. I’m confident in my point of view, and when I have others who disagree then it just helps provide the contrast for anyone who happens to end up at the site.

      And finally, I’m glad that you decided to start your own blog! If I helped to nudge you over a line that you’ve always wanted to cross, then that makes me happy. I’m sure that as you work through your blogger “growing pains” (it takes awhile to find your voice, build an audience, etc.) you’ll also inspire others along the way. Send me a link once you start it up. I’d love to go there.

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