Tag: Peter Parker

Amazing Spider-Man #14: Dan Slott puts ‘lipstick on a Regent-pig’

Posted on by 46 Comments

Regent SheThor

Marvel scribe Dan Slott hit a home run with 2015’s Renew Your Vows, but the feat happened despite the creation of a lame villain — Regent. ASM #14 attempts to once again elevate the character into upper echelons of evil, but one cannot help but think of the old line about putting “lipstick on a pig” while reading. Giuseppe Camuncoli puts forth a worthy effort to make the character look cool in costume (don’t ask about supporting cast), but readers care more about the side-stories than the main event.

Here is what you need to know about ASM #14.

  • Ms. Marvel, Nova, Captain America, Vision, and She-Thor are all captured by Regent.
  • Peter Parker, Tony Stark, and MJ tell Miles Morales’ parents that their son (also taken hostage) won a science contest, but is safe … somewhere … with no internet access … on purpose. (Note: This kind of idea only worked in Captain America: Civil War because Peter Parker wasn’t missing.)
  •  MJ tells Peter, “You have no idea how glad I am to have all of this ‘secret identity’ nonsense out of my life. Tony’s not perfect, but with him everything is out in the open.” (Don’t tell Dan Slott, but that is 180 degrees from the truth — Bendis’ Tony Stark disappears for weeks at a time for undercover missions, and no-one knows if he’s dead or alive.)
  • Aunt May coughs up blood and keeps it from her husband.
  • Harry Osborn Lyman calls for a meeting with Augustus Roman and reveals that he knows the businessman is Regent. Harry says he knows Betty Brant was kidnapped, and then uses webware to warn Spider-Man that he is in danger.
  • Spider-Man and Iron Man are crushed by Regent, whose suit was pushed to its limit.

Even if one were to take the position that Regent is an exciting new character, it doesn’t change the fact that readers are getting a rehashed version of Renew Your Vows less than one year after its publication. At least when Marvel does something as tired and worn out as Aunt May dying…the company waits a few years before hitting the “recycle” button. This is like a rerun of your favorite television show after the first three episodes of its new season.

Aunt May

As is often the case with Mr. Slott’s work, there are a lot of pieces shuffled around the chessboard while ultimately not a whole lot goes on. The story bounces from setup to setup (You’re going to love how this comes together in Dead No More, kids!) while ignoring the attention to detail that makes single issues soar.

For instance, Regent dispatches with heavy-hitting heroes like Vision and Captain America in a single panel. He battles She-Thor in what is teased as an epic clash, only to show her captured in an energy bubble two pages later. It’s jarring. It’s strange, and it just isn’t enough for a relatively new character who is met with indifference by most fans.

Regent

If you are the kind of Marvel fan who has collected ASM since 1975 and don’t want to break up your complete set, then make sure to head on out to your local comic book shop this week. For everyone else, I suggest waiting until the reviews for Dead No More are published before you consider opening up your wallets.

‘Civil War II: Amazing Spider-Man #1’: Gage offers reprieve from Slott fare

Posted on by 18 Comments

Civil War II ASM 1

Civil War II: Amazing Spider-Man #1 came out on Wednesday, which gave Marvel fans an opportunity to see how everyone’s favorite wall crawler reacted to the Inhuman prognosticator at its core.  It is safe to say that writer Christos Gage offered more intrigue in a single issue than ASM writer Dan Slott in months.

Here is what you need to know for Civil War II: Amazing Spider-Man #1:

  • Peter Parker lands in New York City after a long flight from Shanghai. He crawls into bed at Parker Industries headquarters to take a quick nap and is shocked to find Johnny Storm — naked. He tells Johnny to put some clothes on or “flame on” so he can turn around. The Human Torch reminds Peter that he is scheduled to spend time with Ulysses, the Inhuman who can see and “experience” possible futures.
  • Spider-Man takes down the Vulture and the “Vulturions” over New York City. Ulysses is with the hero.
  • The two men make their way to Chinatown and stop a rage-filled man who was going to murder his ex-girlfriend.
  • Spider-Man tells Ulysses that if he hones his power, then he can help Parker Industries narrow down projects that will make it through the research and development phase — and therefore help a greater number of people.
  • Ulysses takes a tour of Parker Industries and meets Harry Osborn  **cough**Lyman**cough** and Clayton Cole.
  • Ulysses tells Spider-Man that Clayton Cole, aka Clash, will likely revert to his old ways. The Inhuman tells Spider-Man to prepare for an attack.

As I mentioned in the comments section of my review for Civil War II #1, there is incredible danger in fully embracing a man who only sees possible futures. Ulysses actually admits in the issue that his predictions “almost” always come true, but not 100 percent of the time.

What if, simply by allowing doubt to creep into his mind over his employee’s integrity, Peter Parker inadvertently plants the seeds for Mr. Cole’s recidivism?

What if Ulysses is unknowingly a harbinger of doom that can only transpire if heroes alter the “future-dominos” for him?

These are all very interesting questions, the kind of which are sorely lacking in The Amazingly Immature Spider-Man these days.

Clayton Cole Cvil War II ASM 1

Perhaps the only odd note the issue hits is the opportunistic way that Peter latches onto Ulysses and his ability. He rightly tells the young man that he can probably use his powers to affect more lives than he realizes, but the moment is ruined with a hasty job offer at Parker Industries. Readers want to believe Peter is not exploiting the situation, but it’s hard not to wonder given how petty and immature the character is under Slott’s direction.

Overall, if you’re looking for a book that gets the Civil War II ball rolling, then check out Christos Gage’s work. His effort also serves as a good audition for the role of lead ASM scribe. For the first time in many months I have not felt embarrassed for the title, and that is a good thing. I look forward to buying Civil War II: Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Civil War II ASM 1 Spider-Man

Exit Question: Is it me, or did this issue highlight how Peter Parker filled his entire inner circle at the company — courtesy of Dan Slott — with back-stabbers, criminals, and super villains?

  • Anna Maria Marconi: Doc Ock’s girlfriend. She went behind Peter’s back with Sanjani on Doc Ock’s nano-technology project.
  • Sanjani: She tried to strike a deal with The Ghost — a corporate saboteur — to destroy Parker Industries.
  • Lien Tang: Peter’s girlfriend tried to murder Spider-Man and traded company secrets to a terrorist organization.
  • Jacob Fury, aka Vernon Jacobs: Parker Industries’ biggest shareholder — and Peter’s “secret Santa” at the company Christmas party — ended up being the terrorist mastermind Scorpio.
  • Clayton Cole: Mr. Cole was formerly the villain known as Clash.
  • Harry Osborn: It’s really only a matter of time before Harry falls off the Green Goblin wagon. We might as well get it over with.
  • Living Brain: The robot is Doctor Octopus.

Molina’s Amazing Spider-Man 1.5: Car crash scene a perfect metaphor for story

Posted on by 5 Comments

ASM 1.5 wagon

Jose Molina’s latest installment of The Suddenly Atheist Spider-Man was released on May 25, and fans of the wall crawler will be glad to know the he apologized for being “less than respectful” to the Santerians over their religious beliefs. That is, unfortunately, the one bright spot in an issue that is best represented by a car crash scene later in the book.

Here is what you need to know for The Amazing Spider-Man 1.5:

  • Spider-Man is still on the hunt for Julio Manuel Rodriguez, the man who mysteriously came back from the dead and performs miracles.
  • Writer Jose Molina actually thought it was a good idea to feature Spider-Man as a (female?) horse-drawn carriage driver.
  • Don Anselmo is “reborn” as a young man after a ceremony due to his faith. His god tells him Julio is controlled by a “false god.” (Question: Wouldn’t Don Anselmo’s god also be a false god since it isn’t God?)
  • Julio causes a car accident and then performs a miracle to resurrect a dead woman.
  • Spider-Man and the Santerians apologize to one another and then use Iron Man (shoe-horned into two pages) to locate where the spiritual conduit is that Julio’s host draws power from.
  • Iron Man gives the group an an address in Harlem and Spider-Man says “showdown time.”

ASM 1.5

It is very rare to see a Marvel comic that fails on pretty much every level imaginable. The entire creative team appears to given up all hope for salvaging the book.

  • Jose Molina continues to write a sloppy, poorly paced story that reads as if he has the attention span of a squirrel.
  • Artists Simone Bianchi and Andrea Broccardo have slapped together one of the ugliest issues of ASM of all time. Marvel would have gotten a better product if they asked a kid on Deviant Art to do them a favor for $100 bucks. Spider-Man wouldn’t look like a marshmallow, police cars wouldn’t look like they came off a Detroit assembly line in 1973, and Peter Parker wouldn’t look like Ace Ventura.
  • Editor Nick Lowe, who allowed a writer to have Peter Parker blame God for Uncle Ben’s death, is still M.I.A.
  • Question: Is it possible for a letterer to underperform? It seems like even the “AaaaaIIIEEEEEEE!” “KRIIIIII” and “CCRRNNNCHHH” in the crash panel are font failures, if that’s even possible.

In short, Marvel should be ashamed that there is essentially zero quality control for its “point” issues of ASM. There is one remaining issue of “Amazing Grace,” which is fitting because the few readers who are left will be singing the famous hymn after they finish.

Stay far, far away from ASM “point” issues for the foreseeable issue — at least until Mr. Lowe decides to do his job.

ASM 1.5 crash

Amazing Spider-Man #12: Slott’s Peter Parker impotent, Alpha Stark cradles MJ

Posted on by 38 Comments

SpiderMan IronMan

The introduction to the 12th issue of The Amazing Spider-Man informs readers that Peter Parker has returned to New York City to “breathe a sigh of relief” after his recent showdown with the Zodiac terrorist organization. Indeed, writer Dan Slott then goes on to provide a palate-cleanser in the form of an old-school team-up between Spider-Man and Iron Man. It’s generally a fun tale that includes the return of Mary Jane, plenty of action and humor, and set-ups for Marvel’s Civil War II and the return of Regent. Mr. Slott’s fundamental misunderstanding of who Peter Parker is, however, needlessly produces a character who is socially impotent and politically aligned with his adversary.

The story goes as follows:

  • Parker Industries is hosting a black tie event to raise money for the Uncle Ben Foundation.
  • Tony Stark and his personal assistant, Mary Jane, are in attendance.
  • Augustus Roman (aka, Regent) of Empire Unlimited shows up.
  • Corporate saboteur “Ghost” crashes the party.
  • Spider-Man and Iron Man team up to save the day.
  • Roman’s facility for super-powered criminals, The Cellar, is introduced.

If you are the type of reader who mindlessly consumes comic books like I devour chocolate-covered raisins before a big-budget movie, then stop reading now and buy ASM #12.

If you are the type of reader who wonders why Peter Parker so often does not seem right under Mr. Slott’s direction, then read on. You may want to save that $4.00 for another book — perhaps the next issue of Charles Soule’s Daredevil.

ASM #12 demonstrates from the very first panel that Dan Slott does not know how to strip his own politics from the book to provide a superior (no pun intended) product.

If you, dear reader, were to become the CEO of a major company, then you would have no problem buying a nice tuxedo for black tie events. If attending charity fundraisers was a recurring obligation you had as CEO of “Successful Business Dude Inc.,” then taking time out of your schedule to rent and return cheap suits would be bizarre.

Dan Slott’s Peter Parker, however, embraces the bizarre and as a result becomes, for all intents and purposes, politically aligned with corporate saboteur Ghost.

ASM12 Parker Harry

Only moments before Ghost attacks his fundraiser, Parker equates buying cheap suits with doing business “right.” Instead of being a CEO who finds a proper balance between thriving in a cutthroat industry and giving back to local communities, he possesses a mentality that is one step removed from the villain calling him a “fat cat” member of “the one percent.”

In short, Peter Parker can be a CEO without becoming self-loathing about it. I suggest Dan Slott read up on Tony Robbins if he wants a good blueprint for how to write about business and finance.

ASM12 Ghost

Finally, one cannot talk about ASM #12 without covering the return of MJ.

ASM12 Stark MJ

“I can face Doctor Doom or the Juggernaut. Easy,” says Peter Parker. “But knowing you’re right there, MJ … and with Tony Stark? Everything’s wrong. It shouldn’t be like this,” (emphasis added).

Indeed, long-time fans of ASM would concur that MJ locking arms with Tony Stark at a party is wrong. Likewise, seeing Stark cradle her head while asking if she is okay during an attack feels gross. Dan’s Slott’s decision is to have Peter react to the meeting by a.) first freezing up at the podium, and then b.) calling Pepper Potts and offering her a job at Parker Industries. She rejects the offer without hesitation.

Question: Is that really how Peter would react?

Answer: He would obviously be upset at seeing MJ with another man, but it seems sad and unacceptable to have him respond with a kind of impotence and immaturity that would signal she is better off with Stark.

One shudders to think of the indignities to come as Marvel writers explore the professional (as of now) relationship between MJ and Tony.

Amazing Spider-Man #11: Hero says ‘you didn’t see that coming’ after pushing villain into pure ‘power’

Posted on by 30 Comments

ASM11 SpiderMan

Imagine you are a superhero. You have tracked an international terrorist for months as he feverishly looked for an inter-dimensional field of pure “power” and “information.” In short, your suspect wanted to locate a “door into the future.” You catch up to him at the very moment he finds his target. Would you decide to push the terrorist into a quantum field of infinite possibility and lock the door, or would you try to pull him out?

Dan Slott’s Spider-Man chooses the former and says, “I bet you didn’t see THAT coming.”

Fans of The Amazing Spider-Man do not typically expect their hero to aid villains in their evil machinations, so it is true that most of them probably would not have anticipated such a move. Touché, Dan Slott. Touché, indeed.

ASM11

Here is an easy experiment: Glance at your front door. If you were standing under the threshold and a man pushed you inside, locked it from the outside and exclaimed, “Well, we don’t need to worry about that guy anymore,” then how would you react?

My guess is that you would laugh at the man’s stupidity before opening the door and demanding your key back. In a worst-case scenario you would go out your garage, a back door, or possibly one of many windows.

Key

The Amazing Spider-Man #11 is technically the culmination of many months of stories surrounding the Zodiac terrorist group, its mastermind Vernon Jacobs, and his plan to usher in the “age of Scorpio.” The issue was supposed to serve as this story’s climax, but in the end Peter Parker “saves” the world by kicking the can down the road — one year to be precise.

Note: Superheroes are not supposed to treat villains like the U.S. treats its $19 trillion debt and then declare victory. It doesn’t work that way. Regardless, here is the abridged version of how ASM #11 unfolds:

  • Nick Fury turns the International Space Station into a giant beacon for Morse code and sends Scorpio’s location to Spider-Man since most of earth’s satellites are inoperable.
  • Spider-Man, Anna Maria, and Living Brian (aka: Doctor Octopus), and Mockingbird  arrive at Greenwich, London, to stop Scorpio but are quickly dispatched by a giant energy pulse from the Zodiac Key.
  • A doorway to the future is opened and Jacobs reveals that he is the grandson of the original Scorpio, Jacob Fury.
  • Spider-Man decides the best way to defeat Scorpio — as the portal telepathically gives him immense power and precognition — is to push him through and shout, “Take a closer look!”
  • Peter Parker tells Mockingbird he “smacked [Scorpio] into next year,” and she jokes that he did it so they have an excuse to spend more time together.
  • Anna Maria tells Peter that Mockingbird likes him, and then tries to make her “jealous” by clinging to his arm.
  • Doctor Octopus witnesses the “intolerable” act and vows to make his “superior return!”

Regular readers who are disappointed with how the Zodiac tale wrapped up should look at the bullet points above and notice an ongoing trend: Dan Slott, fittingly, often expends more care setting up future events than he does with the task at hand (i.e., telling a tight and compelling story in the here and now).

ASM11 Scorpio push
“It’s ‘so clear now’? You can ‘see it all’ with the power surging through your veins and the information flowing through your brain? Let me just push you closer into a field of infinite possibility…even though you’re evil.”

Just as Batman v Superman faltered because the writers spent too much time trying to set up a Justice League movie, Slott’s ASM regularly falls flat because he focuses too far into the future. No one except Mr. Slott and his good friends will care if 10,000 plot points over the course of ten years can be amusingly traced on a Saturday night if the stories connecting them are mediocre.

It is unfortunate, but once again ASM’s creative team over-promised and under-delivered. Giuseppe Camuncoli should take a bow for consistently stellar art, but he may want to ask to work on a title where his efforts are not a metaphorical life raft.

Exit Question:

The International Space Station orbits the earth at over 17,000 miles per hour. Someone can correct me if I am wrong, but ASM appears to have been written like it is a fixed object in space. My guess is that Morse code would not have been a possibility for an object orbiting that fast at 155 miles above the earth.

ISS

Editor’s Note:

The Amazing Spider-Man may be the first Marvel comic to actually acknowledge the existence of the Islamic State group. The first person who can confirm this one way or the other will win a “Doug Prize.”

ASM11 Scorpio

Dan Slott’s Peter Parker: ‘I’m an idiot’ (Fans wonder when recurring theme will end)

Posted on by 22 Comments

ASM 10 Scorpio

Readers of The Amazing Spider-Man know that a recurring theme under writer Dan Slott’s watch has been Peter Parker’s Sudden Onset Idiocy (we’ll call it SOI), such as forgiving multiple women in his inner circle who allied with corporate saboteurs or terrorists groups to destroy his company. ASM #4 featured the time a child had to clue him in on how to stop a terrorist attack. Years from now, however, it appears at though ASM #10 will cited more often as the quintessential Slottian Spidey.

The latest issue of ASM takes place moments after the hero’s “nuke the fridge” moment — Spider-Man has fallen to earth like a meteor and survived. The terrorist leader Scorpio stands over Spider-Man ready to administer a death blow when his Gemini minions earn their deus ex machina badge. They tell Scorpio that he will miss “The Ascension” if he uses an extra second to blast through Frenchmen acting as a human shield for the hero.

Luckily for Peter, Anna Maria Marconi and Living Brain (i.e., Doctor Octopus) arrive in a flying car to help him locate the villain once he escapes. They eventually track him down to the Chunnel, where SOI rears its ugly head — Parker tries to spray his web-shooters forward on a train going 186 miles per hour and then somehow comes to the conclusion that Scorpio — who would be firing an energy weapon backwards — can’t get “a good shot either.”

Scorpio inexplicably decides to target Anna and Living Brain instead of Spider-Man, who can barely keep his footing on the fast-moving train and is rendered highly immobile. The terrorist escapes again.

With time running out before The Zodiac take control of the future, Peter needs to find clues as to where Scorpio might be. He’s stumped. SOI returns, but Doctor Octopus hidden within Living Brain jogs his memory regarding ways to track Scorpio’s movements.

“Brain. I’m an idiot. And YOU, are one smart robot!” Peter says for the intellectual assist.

ASM 10

The trio eventually wind up in the home of Vernon Jacobs, Parker Industries’ “biggest shareholder and investor.” After admitting that Jacobs (aka: terrorist Scorpio) was his “Secret Santa” for Christmas, Peter’s SOI kicks in and he asks Anna for help figuring out how Parker Industries’ technology was exploited.

Anna (who does not suffer from SOI) tells Peter to utilize his employees, calls them in for a hologram meeting, and harnesses their collective genius to quickly figure out what Scorpio has been up to for months.

ASM 10 Anna

The issue comes to a close with Scorpio appearing via a hologram and threatening to use his inside knowledge of Parker Industries to bring it all crashing down.

Spider-Man responds by saying Peter would still have “responsibility” if his company tanked, and that “losing it all” would be worth it if the end result were Scorpion’s defeat. Fans are asked to come back next month for a showdown that should have happened seven issues ago.

If readers are looking for a graphic analogy for ASM’s Zodiac story line, I will liken it to a bout of diarrhea I recently suffered while on vacation: It was funny at first for all the wrong reasons, annoying and embarrassing, repetitive, it went on for far too long, and in the end it was downright exhausting.

The stars are speaking, and this story needs to come to a close as soon as possible. Scorpio is a dud as a villain, which is always unfortunate, but he is now a failed foil who will have consumed at least eleven issues of ASM during its latest relaunch.

Do not buy this book unless you enjoy seeing Peter Parker repeatedly bailed out after outbreaks of Sudden Onset Idiocy.

Editor’s Note: Did anyone else find it odd that Peter Parker could run calculations in his head that would allow him to enter Earth’s atmosphere as a human meteor, but he doesn’t know how to convert kilometers to miles? There’s that SOI again…

Invincible Iron Man #8: ‘Ninjas and robots and Rhodey…oh my!’

Posted on by 8 Comments

IronMan8

Say what you want about Brian Michael Bendis, but the man’s self-awareness is better than 95 percent of the rest of the writers employed by Marvel. When he knows a particular story is open to criticism, he tends to find ways to subtly acknowledge the problem within the issue as a way of disarming bloggers like yours truly.

Take, for example, Invincible Iron Man #8, which is bursting at the seams with all it’s trying to accomplish. It is busy, busy, busy — but at one point Spider-Man says of the situation, “Ninjas and robots and Rhodey in his embarrassing boxers, oh my!”

Touché, Mr. Bendis. Touché.

For those who have not been reading the story, it goes as follows: Tony Stark offered a job to Mary Jane, Rhodey disappeared in Japan trying to find bio-hacking ninjas, and Spider-Man was called to help find him.

IIM #8, again, is a very busy issue. Mary Jane appears to walk away from Stark’s job offer (we know that won’t last), Iron Man and Spider-Man look for Rhodey, and it all culminates in a battle involving a horde of ninjas and a gigantic Iron-Man-inspired suit that utilizes mysterious technology.

Question: Is it a good issue?

Answer: Yes — with one minor caveat.

The problem with writers who take on Tony Stark and Peter Parker is that sometimes they use the sarcasm button too many times in a single issue. Yes, both men are masters at the one-liner. Yes, both men use sarcasm to mask all sorts of fears and insecurities, but it is possible to overdo it. Using such a trait when it’s uncalled for makes a character come across as a jerk. Luckily for Bendis, he realizes that one way to add extra gravity to the book is to find a situation so dangerous that it finally shuts Tony up.

IronMan8 Tony

Whoever this new villain is, he or she found a way to leave Tony speechless by the last page. It was a welcome surprise after countless panels of Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Rhodey all basically blowing off what appeared to be a serious opponent.

In many ways IIM #8 was going to succeed or fail based upon what happened on the final page, and it is safe to say that Bendis … detonated it.

IM8 explosion

Invincible Iron Man continues to be one of Marvel’s most carefully crafted books. If you want stories by a “writer’s writer,” then you should check out Bendis. If you want “nuke the fridge” moments reminiscent of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, then I suggest checking out Dan Slott’s run on The Amazing Spider-Man.

Bendis Bonus:

If you’re like me, then you were glad to see that Bendis seems to feel the same way about Spider-Man’s stupid glowing spider on the new suit. In response to finding out that Iron Man’s suit has A.I., Spider-Man says, “Cool. My spider glows now for no apparent reason.”

Zing!

IronMan SpiderMan

 

 

Molina’s Spider-Atheist: God ‘a lie’ because Uncle Ben died

Posted on by 21 Comments

ASM Peter

Peter Parker’s origin has been told numerous times over the course of decades, but one thing that has remained consistent is that he primarily blames himself for Uncle Ben’s death. Writer Jose Molina, however, used the publication of The Amazing Spider-Man 1.4 to give Peter an easy way to avoid responsibility for his behavior on that day. Who does Peter blame for his uncle’s death? Answer: Jesus.

Yes, that’s right, Molina’s Amazing Spider-Atheist had his beliefs solidified on the day he infamously told a cop that looking after “number one” was all that mattered — right before the fugitive he let escape killed his uncle. It was all God’s fault, which is why years later the character is obsessed with proving that Julio Rodriguez did not return from the dead and miracles are all lies. (Note: At no point in this story does Peter bother to think about that time he died and came back to life…or the times he interacted with dead loved ones.)

SpiderMan fugitive

Sadly, this tale requires Anna Maria Marconi to be the voice of reason by mentioning that man’s purpose in time is, as Whittaker Chambers put it, not God’s purpose in eternity.

It seems safe to say that God would not be God if his totality were transparent to self-centered teenagers and cocksure adults, but that never dawns on Molina’s Peter Parker; acting out of character can do that to a superhero.

ASM AnnaPete

Perhaps the only bright spot in this story is that it will soon be over. Spider-Man goes full-Batman, dangles Julio’s murderer over a balcony, and finds out that dying was always Rodriguez’s intention. He apparently needed to sacrifice himself — just as he had to sacrifice his father in the previous issue.

Spider-Man finally tracks Julio down and he admits that his resurrection was all part of a plan to restore faith in mankind. The two are separated when a police helicopter unleashes a hail of bullets, and the next time readers see Julio he is in church allegedly talking with Jesus. This “Jesus” (we’ll just assume Julio has been possessed by a demon and give Molina the benefit of the doubt) promises that superheroes will come to Rodriguez like “lambs to the slaughter.”

ASM Julio

The final page of ASM 1.4 asks, “You want to know what happens next? Don’t miss The Amazing Spider-Man 1.5.”

Well, yes, I do want to know what happens next, but for all the wrong reasons.

  • Will Suddenly Spider-Atheist be vindicated?
  • Will Jesus be a new Marvel villain? (I wouldn’t put it past Marvel these days.)
  • Will Julio actually be possessed by a demon, or will he be a cyborg that will allow Spider-Atheist to rest easy at night?

Julio Rodriguez may have returned from the grave in this story, but copies of this book certainly deserve to be buried six-feet under.

RELATED: Dan Slott uses terror attack to mock Christians, play partisan politics

Dan Slott’s Spider-Meteor: Peter Parker ‘Nukes the Fridge’

Posted on by 63 Comments

ArachnoRocket ASM

Your friendly neighborhood blogger correctly predicted months ago that Dan Slott was on a stupid-trajectory to write”Spider-Rockets” into The Amazing Spider-Man. “Arachno-Rockets” are officially part of Spider-Man history with the ninth issue of ASM. Sadly, it also includes Peter Parker’s “Nuke the Fridge” moment, which anyone remotely familiar with Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will understand.

Here is the set-up: Peter Parker and S.H.I.E.L.D. are desperately looking for an international terrorist organization known as Zodiac, more specifically its leader Scorpio. The group hijacked all of S.H.I.E.L.D.S. satellites to locate an artifact known as The Orrery. Peter thinks he can manually take back control of the satellites and use them to pick up the energy signature of the artifact, a plan that coincidentally eluded Zodiac’s soothsayers because he came up with the idea exactly “one second after midnight.” (Seriously.)

The issue begins with Spider-Man giving Nick Fury a spacesuit he happened to have on hand (it also makes digital logos “on the fly”), and the two literally take off from a launching dock connected to Parker Industries. After successfully locating The Orrey and fending off satellites doubling as battering rams (the “Arachno-Rocket” was destroyed in the process) Spider-Man tells Fury to “space walk” to the international space station while he turns himself into a human meteor and heads for Paris, France.

ASM web foam

It is hard not to read ASM #9 and wonder if Marvel has instructed Dan Slott to destroy all of Peter Parker’s credibility at any cost. Besides the jaw-dropping recklessness of turning himself into a meteor over Paris — without knowing if his plan would even work, where he would land, or how populated the area might be — one then needs to deal with the absurdity of “Spider-Suit Emergency Beacons, Spider-Back Spinnerets, and Emergency Web-Foam.

ASM Spider-Meteor

One must assume that it is only by the grace of God that Spider-Man only destroyed multiple vehicles (hopefully no-one was inside), instead of the nearby crowd of stunned citizens.

Spider-Man eventually pulls himself out of the wreckage like Indiana Jones from a refrigerator after a nuclear test, and the terrorist Scorpio appears. The villain says there is no way the Spider-Man will “make it to tomorrow,” but readers know that in many ways their hero is already dead.

Indiana Jones refrigerator

It is an absolute shame that the quality of Brian Michael Bendis’ “Spider-Man” towers over The Amazing Spider-Man. There is certainly room in the Marvel universe for fans of both Miles Morales and Peter Parker, but there is no excuse for allowing Dan Slott to “Nuke the Fridge” in the pages of ASM. At this point Nick Lowe is only nominally ASM’s editor because it appears there is little, if any, push-back against Dan Slott’s worst ideas.

The ninth issue of The Amazing Spider-Man should have been renamed The Atrocious Spider-Man. Do not buy it unless you plan on using it for toilet paper.

Iron Man #7: MJ hired by Stark, but is mystery girl Tony’s future replacement?

Posted on by 13 Comments

Iron Man 7

The issue of Invincible Iron Man that Mary Jane fans have been waiting for has arrived. The seventh issue on Bendis’ run features MJ’s first day at work for Tony Stark, and before it’s over she needs to reach Peter Parker at his emergency number. It may be the character who is introduced on the final page of the book, however, who Stark fans should be talking about.

One of the things Bendis understands, which certain other high-profile writers at Marvel do not, is that sometimes it is absolutely necessary to slow things down and just focus on character development, character development, character development. (Should I say it a fourth time?)

IIM #7 dedicates almost the entire issue to Tony’s first professional interactions with his new hire. They talk…and talk…and talk, but in this case it’s okay because standards are set, boundaries are established, and chemistry needs to form.

Readers simply need to imagine what a similar introduction between Peter Parker and Pepper Potts would look like in The Amazing Spider-Man. Instead of devoting 95 percent of the issue to authentic human interactions, Pepper would get a cursory introduction and then a calamity would strike. The audience would weirdly be expected to care for the new relationship simply because it’s Pepper and Peter working together — and then Comic Book Resources would give it the obligatory glowing review.

Iron Man

Perhaps one of the few awkward things about Stark’s decision to hire MJ is his cluelessness about her past. He invites a woman into his inner circle but does not really vet her. Only issues before he was telling his girlfriend about telepathic espionage, etc., and now he impulsively hires a former club owner. Regardless, Bendis’ scenario as it is written passes the smell test (barely).

Iron Man MJ

Aside from MJ’s meeting with her new boss, the rest of the issue is dedicated to Rhodey, who was sent to Japan to investigate a group of bio-hacker ninjas until Stark can get around to it. Rhodey goes missing, and through a strange twist of fate it turns out that technology titan Peter Parker is in country.

“You know your bodyguard, Spider-Man? Is he doing anything right now? Listen, I need a favor. It’s kind of a big one,” Stark says after getting Parker on the phone, which nicely sets up IIM #8.

One would think the issue would end with Iron Man racing to save his friend, right? Wrong. Bendis cuts to Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where a young woman appears to be making her own “Iron Man” suit in one of its labs. She is scolded by some older staffers who call her a “kid” in the final panel.

Who is this kid genius? Why is she making “Iron Man”-type armor? (And yes, I realize I am asking these questions when “to be continued…” obviously means that we will get answers in due time.)

The previous questions need to be asked because Marvel has made no secret of its desire to social justice the heck out of its own universe. It seems entirely plausible that Bendis could be setting the stage for Tony to be “killed” or temporarily replaced, just like Captain America, Thor or even Spider-Man (e.g., Bendis’ Miles Morales wants to be seen as “the” Spider-Man”).

If you have thoughts on IIM #7, feel free to share them below. I’d love to hear what you thought of MJ’s first day on the job, Bendis’ mystery character, or predictions for the next issue.

Iron Man issue 7