Tag: Spider-Man

Amazing Spider-Man #12: Slott’s Peter Parker impotent, Alpha Stark cradles MJ

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SpiderMan IronMan

The introduction to the 12th issue of The Amazing Spider-Man informs readers that Peter Parker has returned to New York City to “breathe a sigh of relief” after his recent showdown with the Zodiac terrorist organization. Indeed, writer Dan Slott then goes on to provide a palate-cleanser in the form of an old-school team-up between Spider-Man and Iron Man. It’s generally a fun tale that includes the return of Mary Jane, plenty of action and humor, and set-ups for Marvel’s Civil War II and the return of Regent. Mr. Slott’s fundamental misunderstanding of who Peter Parker is, however, needlessly produces a character who is socially impotent and politically aligned with his adversary.

The story goes as follows:

  • Parker Industries is hosting a black tie event to raise money for the Uncle Ben Foundation.
  • Tony Stark and his personal assistant, Mary Jane, are in attendance.
  • Augustus Roman (aka, Regent) of Empire Unlimited shows up.
  • Corporate saboteur “Ghost” crashes the party.
  • Spider-Man and Iron Man team up to save the day.
  • Roman’s facility for super-powered criminals, The Cellar, is introduced.

If you are the type of reader who mindlessly consumes comic books like I devour chocolate-covered raisins before a big-budget movie, then stop reading now and buy ASM #12.

If you are the type of reader who wonders why Peter Parker so often does not seem right under Mr. Slott’s direction, then read on. You may want to save that $4.00 for another book — perhaps the next issue of Charles Soule’s Daredevil.

ASM #12 demonstrates from the very first panel that Dan Slott does not know how to strip his own politics from the book to provide a superior (no pun intended) product.

If you, dear reader, were to become the CEO of a major company, then you would have no problem buying a nice tuxedo for black tie events. If attending charity fundraisers was a recurring obligation you had as CEO of “Successful Business Dude Inc.,” then taking time out of your schedule to rent and return cheap suits would be bizarre.

Dan Slott’s Peter Parker, however, embraces the bizarre and as a result becomes, for all intents and purposes, politically aligned with corporate saboteur Ghost.

ASM12 Parker Harry

Only moments before Ghost attacks his fundraiser, Parker equates buying cheap suits with doing business “right.” Instead of being a CEO who finds a proper balance between thriving in a cutthroat industry and giving back to local communities, he possesses a mentality that is one step removed from the villain calling him a “fat cat” member of “the one percent.”

In short, Peter Parker can be a CEO without becoming self-loathing about it. I suggest Dan Slott read up on Tony Robbins if he wants a good blueprint for how to write about business and finance.

ASM12 Ghost

Finally, one cannot talk about ASM #12 without covering the return of MJ.

ASM12 Stark MJ

“I can face Doctor Doom or the Juggernaut. Easy,” says Peter Parker. “But knowing you’re right there, MJ … and with Tony Stark? Everything’s wrong. It shouldn’t be like this,” (emphasis added).

Indeed, long-time fans of ASM would concur that MJ locking arms with Tony Stark at a party is wrong. Likewise, seeing Stark cradle her head while asking if she is okay during an attack feels gross. Dan’s Slott’s decision is to have Peter react to the meeting by a.) first freezing up at the podium, and then b.) calling Pepper Potts and offering her a job at Parker Industries. She rejects the offer without hesitation.

Question: Is that really how Peter would react?

Answer: He would obviously be upset at seeing MJ with another man, but it seems sad and unacceptable to have him respond with a kind of impotence and immaturity that would signal she is better off with Stark.

One shudders to think of the indignities to come as Marvel writers explore the professional (as of now) relationship between MJ and Tony.

Amazing Spider-Man #11: Hero says ‘you didn’t see that coming’ after pushing villain into pure ‘power’

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ASM11 SpiderMan

Imagine you are a superhero. You have tracked an international terrorist for months as he feverishly looked for an inter-dimensional field of pure “power” and “information.” In short, your suspect wanted to locate a “door into the future.” You catch up to him at the very moment he finds his target. Would you decide to push the terrorist into a quantum field of infinite possibility and lock the door, or would you try to pull him out?

Dan Slott’s Spider-Man chooses the former and says, “I bet you didn’t see THAT coming.”

Fans of The Amazing Spider-Man do not typically expect their hero to aid villains in their evil machinations, so it is true that most of them probably would not have anticipated such a move. Touché, Dan Slott. Touché, indeed.

ASM11

Here is an easy experiment: Glance at your front door. If you were standing under the threshold and a man pushed you inside, locked it from the outside and exclaimed, “Well, we don’t need to worry about that guy anymore,” then how would you react?

My guess is that you would laugh at the man’s stupidity before opening the door and demanding your key back. In a worst-case scenario you would go out your garage, a back door, or possibly one of many windows.

Key

The Amazing Spider-Man #11 is technically the culmination of many months of stories surrounding the Zodiac terrorist group, its mastermind Vernon Jacobs, and his plan to usher in the “age of Scorpio.” The issue was supposed to serve as this story’s climax, but in the end Peter Parker “saves” the world by kicking the can down the road — one year to be precise.

Note: Superheroes are not supposed to treat villains like the U.S. treats its $19 trillion debt and then declare victory. It doesn’t work that way. Regardless, here is the abridged version of how ASM #11 unfolds:

  • Nick Fury turns the International Space Station into a giant beacon for Morse code and sends Scorpio’s location to Spider-Man since most of earth’s satellites are inoperable.
  • Spider-Man, Anna Maria, and Living Brian (aka: Doctor Octopus), and Mockingbird  arrive at Greenwich, London, to stop Scorpio but are quickly dispatched by a giant energy pulse from the Zodiac Key.
  • A doorway to the future is opened and Jacobs reveals that he is the grandson of the original Scorpio, Jacob Fury.
  • Spider-Man decides the best way to defeat Scorpio — as the portal telepathically gives him immense power and precognition — is to push him through and shout, “Take a closer look!”
  • Peter Parker tells Mockingbird he “smacked [Scorpio] into next year,” and she jokes that he did it so they have an excuse to spend more time together.
  • Anna Maria tells Peter that Mockingbird likes him, and then tries to make her “jealous” by clinging to his arm.
  • Doctor Octopus witnesses the “intolerable” act and vows to make his “superior return!”

Regular readers who are disappointed with how the Zodiac tale wrapped up should look at the bullet points above and notice an ongoing trend: Dan Slott, fittingly, often expends more care setting up future events than he does with the task at hand (i.e., telling a tight and compelling story in the here and now).

ASM11 Scorpio push
“It’s ‘so clear now’? You can ‘see it all’ with the power surging through your veins and the information flowing through your brain? Let me just push you closer into a field of infinite possibility…even though you’re evil.”

Just as Batman v Superman faltered because the writers spent too much time trying to set up a Justice League movie, Slott’s ASM regularly falls flat because he focuses too far into the future. No one except Mr. Slott and his good friends will care if 10,000 plot points over the course of ten years can be amusingly traced on a Saturday night if the stories connecting them are mediocre.

It is unfortunate, but once again ASM’s creative team over-promised and under-delivered. Giuseppe Camuncoli should take a bow for consistently stellar art, but he may want to ask to work on a title where his efforts are not a metaphorical life raft.

Exit Question:

The International Space Station orbits the earth at over 17,000 miles per hour. Someone can correct me if I am wrong, but ASM appears to have been written like it is a fixed object in space. My guess is that Morse code would not have been a possibility for an object orbiting that fast at 155 miles above the earth.

ISS

Editor’s Note:

The Amazing Spider-Man may be the first Marvel comic to actually acknowledge the existence of the Islamic State group. The first person who can confirm this one way or the other will win a “Doug Prize.”

ASM11 Scorpio

Bendis gives Miles ‘toughest villain yet’: Christian grandmother

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SP3 promo

The promotional material for the third issue of Brian Michael Bendis’ Spider-Man promised Miles Morales would go up against “his toughest villain yet.” It did not disappoint, as the young hero and his family are subjected to an irascible jerk of a woman for most of the book. I found myself at times shocked that social-justice obsessed Marvel would allow a minority character to be written with so many flaws until Bendis disclosed the reason why: She’s a Christian hypocrite.

Miles Grandmother

Spider-Man #3 is a perfect example of how Marvel’s track record for inserting politics into comics alienates fans and mars an otherwise good title. It also shows how a good writer can subtly insert an agenda into his book so that many readers will be none the wiser.

Unlike other writers at Marvel, Bendis understands that most people will not care about the character under the mask if his personal life is not adequately developed. Readers will not be invested in supporting cast members if they randomly fly past the hero’s obit on occasion like a comet.

If Miles’ grandmother is going to play a huge part in his life moving forward, then it makes sense that an entire issue would be devoted to introducing her to the audience. If not, then the decision was a waste of time. I’m inclined to give Bendis the benefit of the doubt due to his track record.

Miles Dad

The problem, at least as far as this reader is concerned, is that once again a Marvel book shines an unfavorable light on Christianity.

Miles grandmother generally acts like a buffoon. The way she treats his father is horrible. She shows zero respect for her own daughter. She barrels through the house and leaves anger and confusion in her wake, and then when she tries to show a softer side she tells Miles, “Let Jesus be your guide.”

Indeed, that is great advice. Unfortunately, it seems as though the only time Marvel talent puts a spotlight on Christianity it is in a negative light.

  • Dan Slott of The Amazing Spider-Man tells Christians who win legal cases before the U.S. Supreme Court to go to “Christ-Land.” (I’m still waiting for him to tell a bunch of Jews to go to Jew-topia over a similar disagreement, but I don’t think that will happen.)
  • Nick Lowe dresses up as the pope for Halloween for laughs because dressing up as Mohammed or an Orthodox Jew would require personal and professional courage.
  • Dan Slott used the San Bernardino, California, terror attack to mock Christians who prayed to God after the massacre.
  • Jose Molina’s “point” tales in ASM turned Peter Parker into The Amazing Spider-Atheist — so much so that he called God a “lie” after Uncle Ben’s death.

Under normal circumstances there would be no reason to care about having a Christian hypocrite appear in the Marvel universe because everyone is guilty of hypocrisy at some point. We are all fallible.

The reason why it is an issue with Marvel as a company is because there is a repeated pattern of anti-Christian sentiment disseminated by its staff.

Jose Molina’s Peter Parker will call God “a lie,” but where is the Marvel character who openly calls God “the Truth” in print? Daredevil is a Catholic, but his faith is regularly ignored and Tom Brevoort makes jokes of that fact on Formspring. 

How sad is it that fans of the character have to watch the Netflix series to see him go to confession or make the sign of the cross?

Brevoort Formspring Daredevil

Brian Michael Bendis will introduce a Christian hypocrite who is incredibly grating to readers, but when will they get a Christian character who is the modern equivalent of Saint Francis, Dom L. Scupoli Apulia, G.K. Chesterton, St. John of the Cross, etc.?

Regular readers of this blog know that I have given Bendis’ work great word of mouth for months — for both Invincible Iron Man and Spider-Man.

I want to support Marvel, but there is almost no reason to do so when time after time its creators needlessly take sucker punches at my faith or political persuasion.

Miles Morales Grandma

With that said, the only other development in the issue involves Black Cat, who apparently wants to go after the “new” Spider-Man in town.

Marvel’s insistence on portraying Black Cat as a wannabe Mafia Queen is laughable. As is the case with every other editorial misstep, the guys in charge would rather dig their heels into a stupid-trench than admit they were wrong.

Black Cat Hammerhead

Spider-Man #3 is an important issue in terms of establishing family dynamics that will come into play in the months ahead, but it should also serve as a red flag for potential customers of faith.

When there is a chance to denigrate your worldview, Marvel will almost always jump at the opportunity. Its best writers insult you with kind of finesse that on some level is impressive, but they insult you nonetheless.

Do not buy this book if you are sick and tired veiled and unveiled political pot shots by Marvel’s writers and editors.

Exit question: Should I continue reviewing Bendis’ Spider-Man? On some level I feel as though it is important to shed light on what Marvel is doing. My thought process is that I may spend $50 a year reviewing a book, but exposing political or religious suck-punches will cost the company more in the long run. Let me know what you think in the comments section below.

Invincible Iron Man #8: ‘Ninjas and robots and Rhodey…oh my!’

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IronMan8

Say what you want about Brian Michael Bendis, but the man’s self-awareness is better than 95 percent of the rest of the writers employed by Marvel. When he knows a particular story is open to criticism, he tends to find ways to subtly acknowledge the problem within the issue as a way of disarming bloggers like yours truly.

Take, for example, Invincible Iron Man #8, which is bursting at the seams with all it’s trying to accomplish. It is busy, busy, busy — but at one point Spider-Man says of the situation, “Ninjas and robots and Rhodey in his embarrassing boxers, oh my!”

Touché, Mr. Bendis. Touché.

For those who have not been reading the story, it goes as follows: Tony Stark offered a job to Mary Jane, Rhodey disappeared in Japan trying to find bio-hacking ninjas, and Spider-Man was called to help find him.

IIM #8, again, is a very busy issue. Mary Jane appears to walk away from Stark’s job offer (we know that won’t last), Iron Man and Spider-Man look for Rhodey, and it all culminates in a battle involving a horde of ninjas and a gigantic Iron-Man-inspired suit that utilizes mysterious technology.

Question: Is it a good issue?

Answer: Yes — with one minor caveat.

The problem with writers who take on Tony Stark and Peter Parker is that sometimes they use the sarcasm button too many times in a single issue. Yes, both men are masters at the one-liner. Yes, both men use sarcasm to mask all sorts of fears and insecurities, but it is possible to overdo it. Using such a trait when it’s uncalled for makes a character come across as a jerk. Luckily for Bendis, he realizes that one way to add extra gravity to the book is to find a situation so dangerous that it finally shuts Tony up.

IronMan8 Tony

Whoever this new villain is, he or she found a way to leave Tony speechless by the last page. It was a welcome surprise after countless panels of Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Rhodey all basically blowing off what appeared to be a serious opponent.

In many ways IIM #8 was going to succeed or fail based upon what happened on the final page, and it is safe to say that Bendis … detonated it.

IM8 explosion

Invincible Iron Man continues to be one of Marvel’s most carefully crafted books. If you want stories by a “writer’s writer,” then you should check out Bendis. If you want “nuke the fridge” moments reminiscent of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, then I suggest checking out Dan Slott’s run on The Amazing Spider-Man.

Bendis Bonus:

If you’re like me, then you were glad to see that Bendis seems to feel the same way about Spider-Man’s stupid glowing spider on the new suit. In response to finding out that Iron Man’s suit has A.I., Spider-Man says, “Cool. My spider glows now for no apparent reason.”

Zing!

IronMan SpiderMan

 

 

Molina’s Spider-Atheist: God ‘a lie’ because Uncle Ben died

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ASM Peter

Peter Parker’s origin has been told numerous times over the course of decades, but one thing that has remained consistent is that he primarily blames himself for Uncle Ben’s death. Writer Jose Molina, however, used the publication of The Amazing Spider-Man 1.4 to give Peter an easy way to avoid responsibility for his behavior on that day. Who does Peter blame for his uncle’s death? Answer: Jesus.

Yes, that’s right, Molina’s Amazing Spider-Atheist had his beliefs solidified on the day he infamously told a cop that looking after “number one” was all that mattered — right before the fugitive he let escape killed his uncle. It was all God’s fault, which is why years later the character is obsessed with proving that Julio Rodriguez did not return from the dead and miracles are all lies. (Note: At no point in this story does Peter bother to think about that time he died and came back to life…or the times he interacted with dead loved ones.)

SpiderMan fugitive

Sadly, this tale requires Anna Maria Marconi to be the voice of reason by mentioning that man’s purpose in time is, as Whittaker Chambers put it, not God’s purpose in eternity.

It seems safe to say that God would not be God if his totality were transparent to self-centered teenagers and cocksure adults, but that never dawns on Molina’s Peter Parker; acting out of character can do that to a superhero.

ASM AnnaPete

Perhaps the only bright spot in this story is that it will soon be over. Spider-Man goes full-Batman, dangles Julio’s murderer over a balcony, and finds out that dying was always Rodriguez’s intention. He apparently needed to sacrifice himself — just as he had to sacrifice his father in the previous issue.

Spider-Man finally tracks Julio down and he admits that his resurrection was all part of a plan to restore faith in mankind. The two are separated when a police helicopter unleashes a hail of bullets, and the next time readers see Julio he is in church allegedly talking with Jesus. This “Jesus” (we’ll just assume Julio has been possessed by a demon and give Molina the benefit of the doubt) promises that superheroes will come to Rodriguez like “lambs to the slaughter.”

ASM Julio

The final page of ASM 1.4 asks, “You want to know what happens next? Don’t miss The Amazing Spider-Man 1.5.”

Well, yes, I do want to know what happens next, but for all the wrong reasons.

  • Will Suddenly Spider-Atheist be vindicated?
  • Will Jesus be a new Marvel villain? (I wouldn’t put it past Marvel these days.)
  • Will Julio actually be possessed by a demon, or will he be a cyborg that will allow Spider-Atheist to rest easy at night?

Julio Rodriguez may have returned from the grave in this story, but copies of this book certainly deserve to be buried six-feet under.

RELATED: Dan Slott uses terror attack to mock Christians, play partisan politics

Dan Slott’s Spider-Meteor: Peter Parker ‘Nukes the Fridge’

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ArachnoRocket ASM

Your friendly neighborhood blogger correctly predicted months ago that Dan Slott was on a stupid-trajectory to write”Spider-Rockets” into The Amazing Spider-Man. “Arachno-Rockets” are officially part of Spider-Man history with the ninth issue of ASM. Sadly, it also includes Peter Parker’s “Nuke the Fridge” moment, which anyone remotely familiar with Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will understand.

Here is the set-up: Peter Parker and S.H.I.E.L.D. are desperately looking for an international terrorist organization known as Zodiac, more specifically its leader Scorpio. The group hijacked all of S.H.I.E.L.D.S. satellites to locate an artifact known as The Orrery. Peter thinks he can manually take back control of the satellites and use them to pick up the energy signature of the artifact, a plan that coincidentally eluded Zodiac’s soothsayers because he came up with the idea exactly “one second after midnight.” (Seriously.)

The issue begins with Spider-Man giving Nick Fury a spacesuit he happened to have on hand (it also makes digital logos “on the fly”), and the two literally take off from a launching dock connected to Parker Industries. After successfully locating The Orrey and fending off satellites doubling as battering rams (the “Arachno-Rocket” was destroyed in the process) Spider-Man tells Fury to “space walk” to the international space station while he turns himself into a human meteor and heads for Paris, France.

ASM web foam

It is hard not to read ASM #9 and wonder if Marvel has instructed Dan Slott to destroy all of Peter Parker’s credibility at any cost. Besides the jaw-dropping recklessness of turning himself into a meteor over Paris — without knowing if his plan would even work, where he would land, or how populated the area might be — one then needs to deal with the absurdity of “Spider-Suit Emergency Beacons, Spider-Back Spinnerets, and Emergency Web-Foam.

ASM Spider-Meteor

One must assume that it is only by the grace of God that Spider-Man only destroyed multiple vehicles (hopefully no-one was inside), instead of the nearby crowd of stunned citizens.

Spider-Man eventually pulls himself out of the wreckage like Indiana Jones from a refrigerator after a nuclear test, and the terrorist Scorpio appears. The villain says there is no way the Spider-Man will “make it to tomorrow,” but readers know that in many ways their hero is already dead.

Indiana Jones refrigerator

It is an absolute shame that the quality of Brian Michael Bendis’ “Spider-Man” towers over The Amazing Spider-Man. There is certainly room in the Marvel universe for fans of both Miles Morales and Peter Parker, but there is no excuse for allowing Dan Slott to “Nuke the Fridge” in the pages of ASM. At this point Nick Lowe is only nominally ASM’s editor because it appears there is little, if any, push-back against Dan Slott’s worst ideas.

The ninth issue of The Amazing Spider-Man should have been renamed The Atrocious Spider-Man. Do not buy it unless you plan on using it for toilet paper.

Bendis weakens established heroes to elevate Miles, readers notice cheap shortcut

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Miles Blackheart

Writer Brian Michael Bendis has a tricky job ahead of him. He is trying to establish Miles Morales as the Spider-Man, but he wants to do it in a short amount of time. While the first issue of Spider-Man was admittedly a fun read, the second issue shows some of the challenges Bendis’ social-justice project presents.

SM #2 begins with Spider-Man — the original — asking Miles who or what took out all the Avengers, yet retreated when he entered the fray. As the two are discussing the matter, along with whether or not Miles should continue to go by just “Spider-Man,” the demon Blackheart returns from the spirit world and essentially takes Peter Parker out of the fight with a single blow. Miles uses multiple venom blasts and Captain America’s shield to quickly dispose of the villain.

“You did this?” Tony Stark asks as he regains consciousness and stumbles forward. Even Bendis knows this is absurd, so he has Miles reply, “Well, uh, I mean it was more like a group effort.”

Miles IronMan Falcon

There is only one problem with that line: It wasn’t a group effort. Everything about the first two issues — including the cover, with Miles triumphantly standing with Cap’s shield over helpless Avengers — screams, “Respect this Spider-Man! Respect him! Seriously! Please?”

The reason for the cheap shortcut comes soon afterward, when word spreads of the new Spider-Man. A girl calls Miles “black Spider-Man” and this annoys him.

“I don’t want to be the black Spider-Man. I want to be Spider-Man,” Miles tells his friend Ganke.

“Okay, poof, you’re Spider-Man,” his friend replies.

If only it were that easy — but it’s not.

Readers can simultaneously appreciate Bendis’ mastery of the craft of writing while acknowledging that Miles is getting an embarrassing assist in the credibility department.

Miles SM2

Fact: In a world where Peter Parker exists, he will always be seen as the Spider-Man. Any derivative of him can never be the Spider-Man because Peter Parker was and always will be the original. Readers can either call Miles “black Spider-Man” because he is black, or because he chose to wear a black costume.

At the end of the day, it is bizarre to arbitrarily make Captain America black, Thor a woman, and Spider-Man a black guy when the original characters — who are still popular — are something else. Many Marvel readers get this, despite the creators’ best efforts to brainwash them otherwise.

Is Spider-Man a good book? Sure. So far. Is it worth spending $4.00 on? Yes. Will I ever consider Miles Morales the Spider-Man? No — because he’s not. He’s a Spider-Man (a good one), who came after Peter Parker.

I look forward to reading the third issue of Spider-Man. I just hope Bendis doesn’t have Miles taking down Ultron to prove the character’s worth.

 

Molina’s Amazing Spider-Atheist makes mockery of Peter Parker’s history

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ASM Uncle Ben

Writer Jose Molina’s take on The Amazing Spider-Man is like beef stew, if all the carrots, potatoes, and onions were fresh and well-prepared, while the star of the show — the beef — were rotten. Issue 1.3 of Amazing Grace features The Amazing Spider-Atheist, which makes zero sense given the character’s history. Worse, he is not a tactful skeptic, but a condescending jerk.

For those who are not up to speed, Peter Parker: the Spectacular Atheist is investigating the death and resurrection of a man named Jose Rodriguez. While a mystical group of heroes called the Santerians attempt to get DNA samples from Rodriguez, Peter goes down to Cuba to find out what happened when the terminally ill man was there.

What makes Amazing Grace doubly disappointing is that scenes deserving of kudos for their ambition are spoiled by Molina’s betrayal of the character. Conversations happen with the spirit of Uncle Ben and Beast that intellectually tower over anything Dan Slott has dished out in years, but yet the scenes fall flat because a worldview that Peter Parker has never held has been shoved into his word balloons.

ASM Beast SpiderMan

Mike McNulty over at Whatever a Spider Can described the situation perfectly in his review of the issue:

Spider-Man lives a universe (albeit a comic book one) where real magic, gods, ghosts and demons do exist. He’s talked with Uncle Ben’s ghost before, courtesy of Doctor Strange, in Amazing Spider-Man #500. He’s knows people who have come back from the dead, himself included. He’s teamed-up with the likes of Ghost Rider and Thor, the later whom Beast even mentions in his theological debate with Spider-Man. He even had a lengthy conversation with God Himself in Sensational Spider-Man #40. And don’t even get me started again on his run-ins with Mephisto, who is the Marvel Universe’s version of the devil. Spider-Man has always been a scientific rationalist and his own religious upbringing is rather generic if not ambiguous; but the notion he would reject any supernatural explanation, or that he’d be so dismissive of those who subscribe to religion, faith or mysticism, is outright laughable and disingenuous given the character’s own history.

Boom. McNulty rightly drops a Truth Bomb on Molina’s head, and potential customers are better off for it.

Marvel has an enormous problem when it comes to Spider-Man. In the ongoing ASM series, Dan Slott has turned the character into Peter Parker-Wayne-Stark-Zuckerberg-Jobs-Musk. Now, with the “point” issues, readers are also subjected to a writer who dismisses core components of the character to suit his storytelling desires. There is almost zero fidelity to the “soul” of the character (no pun intended). The writers seem to treat ASM like the family van, with themselves in the role of the angry parents shuttling everyone on a vacation.

Slott or Molina: “I’m in charge, kids! We go where I want to go. Don’t make me turn this van around!”

Meanwhile, the passengers are wondering why their driver wants to take the van off a cliff.

If Peter Parker had always been a hard-charging skeptic, then none of this would be an issue. He has never been weirdly preachy or begged his friends to read the Bible, but it is abundantly clear that he has a quiet spirituality to him. To blatantly dismiss that fact and have him sneer at men of faith is an insult to anyone who cares about continuity.

Do not buy this book unless you want to watch a car crash play out for the next couple of months.

 

 

Embarrassing ‘Spider-Rockets’ predicted by Douglas Ernst in October, Dan Slott ahead of schedule

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Spider Rocket

The Amazing Spider-Man #9 does not come out until March 9, but regular readers of this blog will be happy (or is that sad?) to know that epic levels of stupidity that were predicted by yours truly in October 2015 are included in the issue. Dan Slott’s “Spider-Rockets” will finally arrive, as revealed in Marvel’s “free previews” handout. Spider-Man is eventually seen crashing and burning into earth’s atmosphere like a piece of space junk, and at this point it is hard not to apply the analogy to the actual product.

As I wrote for my review of ASM #2 on Oct. 21, 2015:

“At this point it doesn’t seem far-fetched to predict Dan Slott turning him into Marvel’s Elon Musk. Instead of Space-X, perhaps Peter Parker will launch “Spider-X.” If readers criticize the “Spider-Rockets” that are introduced in ASM #25, then they will be mocked and ridiculed by those who “know better” (i.e., Marvel’s writers and editors).”

It turns out writer Dan Slott is 16 issues ahead of schedule. Unfortunately, that is a bad thing.

ernst blog ASM review

Question for fans of The Amazing Spider-Man: What does it say about a book where a blogger can come up with an absurd prediction to highlight the book’s decline, and then have it come true in less than six months?

Stay tuned to douglasernstblog for a review of ASM #9. The stars are aligning for a review that has been five months in the making.

ASM 9

Dan Slott, habitual liar, gets caught — again

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Marvel writer Dan Slott has a big problem — besides the fact that he is a habitual liar. That problem: The internet exists, which means that his lies are easily exposed. Once again yours truly will demonstrate the pathetic lengths The Amazing Spider-Man writer will go to in order to get sympathy tweets from his followers.

An old blog post I wrote — one where I exposed Dan Slott’s lie that I deny climate change — has seen a spike in traffic. I thought that was odd, so I investigated. Low and behold, the writer is again taking veiled shots at this blog, which of course always results in people trying to figure out who he is talking about.

You see, dear reader, Dan Slott is terrified of addressing me in a forum he doesn’t control. That is why he uses red herrings about global warming when all of my ASM reviews focus on the craft of writing and editorial decisions.

Mr. Slott was back to his lying ways Feb 5: “I’m so happy one of my loudest critics also happens to be a climate change denier. Because it’s nice to know he’s objectively an idiot.”

Dan Slott Twitter lie

Dan Slott is a liar. He lies about my position on climate change, and he was grossly dishonest after stalking Philly YouTuber The Main Event.

Dan Slott Main Event stalk

If you haven’t seen The Main Event’s reaction, then I highly suggest checking it out. It is one of the most brilliant take-downs of a thin-skinned comic book writer you will ever see.

Main Event Slott

Once again, for all the world to see, here is my position on Climate Change:

There is no doubt that the climate ‘changes.’ The question is: How big of a role does man play? Is it big enough to warrant the redistribution of wealth — to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars — from the private sector to a bureaucratic Leviathan? Answer: No. Is shaving a few degrees off computer models that even the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change now admits are flawed worth the price in individual liberty? Of course not.

Do you remember when Al Gore predicted a Global Warming apocalypse would unfold over the course of ten years — in 2006? I do. It was the Dan Slotts of the world who actually believed him.

Actor Ted Danson claimed in the 1980s that the world’s oceans would be polluted beyond repair by the late 90s. It was the Dan Slotts of the world who actually believed him.

Dan Slott despises this blog because every year he sees that more and more people read my reviews. He sees people sharing them on Facebook and Twitter. He knows that every single day people read through my old work — including the time he randomly trolled a young woman and then mocked her life.

This bothers him to no end, so to deal with it he makes up lies about what I believe on issues unrelated to comic books. He’ll never actually quote me (ironic, since he cries about his critics taking him out of context on a regular basis), and he won’t come here to challenge my assertions head on. Instead, he will continue to fish for compliments from fans who blindly accept his lies and tell him that he is awesome.

In truth, he is not awesome. He is not even awesome at lying, which is sad since he has so much practice at it.

If you want to see the review Mr. Slott is bent out of shape about this week, here it is: Dan Slott’s lesson for Peter Parker: Don’t hire women.

If you want to see The Main Event expose Dan Slott as the liar he is in grand fashion, then watch the video below. It’s a classic.

UPDATE:

Dan Slott is talking about me on Twitter — again.

Note: The guy who blocked me and Hube over at Colosus of Rhodey is taking screenshots over our conversations. Interesting, isn’t it?

Apparently, Dan Slott thinks it’s “stirring the pot” to let The Main Event know that he has been stalked for years on social media by the writer of The Amazing Spider-Man. Apparently, it’s stirring the pot to let The Main Event know that Dan Slott exploits a charity event to get retweets by his followers. Good luck with that argument, Dan.

Dan Slott stalk screenshot