Prediction: Ellen Page and Rainn Wilson’s “Super” Sad Liberal Dud.

These days, if you had to bet whether Ellen Page would take a super hero script with moral clarity or one with relativist fog, which would it be? That’s what I thought. “Super” will be drenched in cynicism, and the laughs will collapse under the weight.

If you’ve read my blog you know how I feel about the movie Kick Ass. It generally did just that. And whether it was intentional or not, the movie came with clear doses of moral clarity. Evil was called evil, and the good guys were able to recognize and confront it. As I’ve mentioned before, one of my favorite moments was when Dave Lizweski puts his life on the line for a complete stranger and a gang of thugs ask him if he’s crazy. He responds:

“Three a**holes laying into one guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what’s wrong with me? Yeah, I’d rather die.”

It was refreshing to see young characters on film who would lay down their life for the idea that there are universal truths that should guide us. The credo that all evil needs to succeed is for good men to do nothing was addressed in Kick Ass, and I can’t help but think that part of the reason why the finished product ended up so satisfying was because it was made without the standard Hollywood gatekeepers’ approval and financial resources.

With that said, I’d like to address another movie that will be heading to theaters sometime soon. Liberals Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, and Liv Tyler have teamed up with writer and director James Gunn (brother of Matt Gunn, who writes for Bill Maher), and the result is the movie Super.

Why do I get the feeling that the insipid rantings of Ellen Page will return for promotion of the movie Super, as they did with Inception? And why do I get the feeling that this “dark comedy” will really just be a bad deconstruction of the super hero genre that will leave the audience in a pool of moral relativist pap?  Answer:  because the odds of a gaggle of cynical liberals coming together and crafting something as uplifting as Iron Man aren’t very good.

Let’s look at the clips of Super that have already come out.

Boltie: We did it! We did it! We totally f**king beat evil!

Frank: You’re not supposed to kill him!

Boltie: And then he’d never key a car again, would he? A brand new f**king Jetta, Frank! Melissa loved that car!

Frank: Don’t say that.

Boltie: What?

Frank: Don’t…stop saying “f**k”.

*Man groans and writhes in pain as blood gushes from his head*

Frank: He really keyed your friend’s car?

Boltie: Yeah. I’m pretty sure it was him.

Besides the exchange above, another clip exists where Frank bludgeons a man for cutting in line at a movie theater, which is supposed to be hilarious.  Correction: the hand held camera used in the scene, which obviously makes it feel more realistic, elevates the comedy to “darkly hilarious.” Bravo!

Perhaps I’m just cocky in the wake of the Seth MacFarlane prediction that went even better than expected.  Or, perhaps I’ll be wrong and pleasantly surprised. However, something inside tells me that if I go to see Super I’ll witness a bunch of bitter characters using capes and masks as a vehicle with which to channel misplaced emotions. They’ll have a moral compass with zero magnetic north.  I’ll be cued to laugh at the “unexpected” times it spins and some mildly annoying character is punished disproportionately to the actual crime (as defined by the film’s mercurial “heroes”).  Along the way some really bad people will die unceremoniously and the obedient audience will wonder, “What’s it all mean? Is good and evil just an artificial construct? Is it all relative?” And then they’re supposed to slough it off because Ellen Page is “cute” and Rainn Wilson is “OMG, so funny!”

I’m hoping Kick Ass 2 doesn’t follow suit. It looks like the comic might veer off in that direction, but I have my fingers crossed it won’t (I stopped reading the first one when it became an exercise in getting as much violence into the panel as possible).  Regardless, keep this post in mind since Super will be heading to theaters soon.  If I’m wrong, I will own up and apologize. If I’m right…it’s going to be a fun weekend.

Somewhere, a producer thought, “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the dude from The Office graphically lacerated someone on film? And wouldn’t it be cool if we could make it so weirdly disturbing that it was funny?  Dwight. Blood. Violence for violence’s sake.  Let’s go for it!”

President Barack “Sea Bass” Obama.

I love the guys at hotair, but at the same time they really need to stop

Who knew the President was modeling his presidency on "Sea Bass" from Dumb and Dumber?

calling President Obama “Kickass.”  Why? Because Kickass is actually a great movie with American Exceptionalism written all over it! I’d hate for anyone to start associating that movie with President Obama because a faux macho charade was employed to appease the “glib” Matt Lauers of the world during a time of crisis.

Personally, I’d like people to start calling the President “Sea Bass” from the Jim Carrey classic, Dumb and Dumber. I think the “Kick his ass, Sea Bass!” refrain fits rather nicely when making Gulf oil spill presidential analogies as well.  And, in some strange way, I think it’s safe to say Americans feel like Jim Carrey in the infamous gas station bathroom scene…

If the kids were looking for hopeandchange, they now know that they didn’t get it. How can I make such a claim? Easy. When Jon Stewart goes Wolvie Berserk style and leaves the President with intellectual adamantium poisoning and claw slashes inches deep…it’s over.  It’s just sad that it took so long for so many people to see the Milli Vanilli nature of it all.  It’s little consolation to consider myself part of the “called it way back when” crowd.

So, in short, as much as I love the fake movie posters, I don’t want to see a great movie like Kickass sullied by the President’s handling of the BP Oil Spill. If you start linking good movies with liberalism, even in jest, Hit Girl’s nemesis, Roger Ebert, might start liking her. And that would just be wrong.

Many Americans are closing their eyes, sucking their thumbs, and deciding to pretend nothing bad happened after it's all over. I'm not one of them...but I understand the desire to do so.

Roger Ebert: Hit Girl too “dark.” The Woodsman’s Child Molester? Intriguingly Chartreuse.

Kevin Bacon has an interesting career. Sometimes he plays characters who

Roger Ebert isn't a fan of Hit Girl because she's "dark." Yet, Kevin Bacon as a child molester in The Woodsman is apparently an intriguing shade of chartreuse?

can’t fight the compulsion to stand up and dance, and sometimes he plays characters who must fight the compulsion to ummm…molest children. However, this post isn’t going to be about Kevin Bacon. Instead, I’d like to concentrate on Roger Ebert.  You know, that guy who is so bright he calls his readers “nutjob Teabaggers.”

First off, I’m not here to bash The Woodsman. I can see where many people might find it “thought provoking” or “daring.” Or, as Ebert put it:

The reason we cannot accept pedophilia as we accept many other sexual practices is that it requires an innocent partner, whose life could be irreparably harmed. We do not have the right to do that. If there is no other way to achieve sexual satisfaction, that is our misfortune, but not an excuse. It is not the pedophile that is evil, but the pedophilia.

While I find it interesting that Ebert doesn’t use the same pattern in logic to come to a Ted Nugentonian conclusion on Gun Rights, what piques my interest the most is Ebert’s fawning praise for a piece on humanizing child molesters—and sneering condescension at a world where a little girl can defend herself against drug dealers, gangsters, and the amoral dregs of society:

The little girl is named Mindy (Chloe Grace Moretz). She adopts the persona of Hit Girl. She has been trained by her father, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage), to join him in the battle against a crime boss (Mark Strong). Her training includes being shot at point-blank range while wearing a bulletproof vest. She also masters the martial arts — more, I would say, than any other movie martial artist of any age I can recall. She’s gifted with deadly knife-throwing; a foot-long knife was presented to her by Dad as, I guess, a graduation present…

The early scenes give promise of an entirely different comedy. Aaron Johnson has a certain anti-charm, his problems in high school are engaging, and so on. A little later, I reflected that possibly only Nic Cage could seem to shoot a small girl point-blank and make it, well, funny. Say what you will about her character, but Chloe Grace Moretz has presence and appeal. Then the movie moved into dark, dark territory, and I grew sad.

So “dark, dark, territory” for Ebert is apparently only kosher when Kevin Bacon is struggling with fantasies about girls like…Hit Girl! I get it. And so, following Ebert’s earlier logic, it is not the drug dealer or the crime lord (who puts people in giant industrial microwaves for lumber and pushes the ‘on’ button) who we should hate, but their desire to do so… Hit Girl’s problem is that she didn’t feel remorse for ridding the world of guys who would give Tony Soprano a Gene Kelly aura of innocence.

Guess what, Ebert: the world likes seeing pure evil blown up, shot, smashed, and killed. And, while I don’t think child predators should be harassed upon their release from prison, I do wonder why liberals like you and Oliver Stone are always trying to put guys like Hitler “in context.” Yeah, we get it—they’re human. They’re complex. But guess what, Roger: some people do things that are so beyond the pale we call them evil. And when I see a movie where someone like Hit Girl gives society’s skid marks a taste of their own medicine, I cheer.

I suppose that’s the tell tale sign I’m a“nutjob Teabagger,” right Roger? Well…I’m fine with that if proud socialists like you are the one’s setting the definitions. I.will.not.be.obedient.

Update: Big Hollywood’s take on Kick Ass might be worth a read if you have the time.

Kick Ass Just a Movie? American Exceptionalism Is Real.

Kick Ass is now in theaters. And, while many Americans will without-a-doubt be angry with the foul language and violence depicted in the film (most notably proud socialist Roger Ebert), there are aspects of “Dave Lizewski’s” life I think should give everyone hope.

Stand up against moral relativists. Stand up for American Exceptionalism. In short: Kick Ass.

For those unfamiliar with the film, all they need to know is that Dave Lizewski is a high school kid who saw first-hand that good and evil exist in real life, and wondered why no one has ever decided to put on a costume and really become a super hero. Other characters, like “Big Daddy” and his daughter Mindy “Hit Girl” MacCready, have similar (albeit darker) motivations for coming to the same conclusion. They spend the movie tied up in a web of crime spun by the city’s kingpin.

What does this have to do with American Exceptionalism you ask? Quite a bit, actually. In a world increasingly filled with moral relativism and multi-culturalism (Destroyed here by Mark Steyn), the movie gives hope for America moving forward.

Kick Ass will be a success while the last Superman—with “Truth, Justice, and ALL THAT STUFF”— was basically a failure. Why? The same reason (at least in part) why The Lord of the Rings and 300 were successes: much more moral clarity. “Good” and “Evil” are not the subjective ideas liberal moral relativists would have you believe. Sure, there is vigilante justice in films that take place in modern day America, but that’s because the characters exist in a time where those who share the sentiments of Michael “behead civilians and I might just call you a freedom fighter” Moore have been given the bully pulpit and the ability to leave their mark on our collective psyche:

“The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not “insurgents” or “terrorists” or “The Enemy.” They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow — and they will win,” (Michael Moore).

Dave Lizewski is like so many other Americans out there who are yearning for somone—anyone—to articulate the kind of ideals they know in their gut to be true. Kick Ass isn’t hypocritical for having vigilante costumed heroes engaged in violence while deploring it–they’re byproducts of a society where the majority of people sit at home disengaged, playing XBOX while it all goes to hell in a hand basket! When Dave is asked by the ringleader of a group of muggers if he’s insane for putting his life on the line for a man he doesn’t even know, Dave responds:

Three a**holes laying into one guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what’s wrong with me? Yeah, I’d rather die.

Dave lives in a world where Alexis de Tocqueville would be looked upon as a right-wing kook for his defense of the American experiment. Dave lives in a world where a president creates hubbubs over speeches because no one knows what he believes about American leadership on the world stage. As of right now, you can’t find social circles that live by codes such as Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage unless you’re in the military. Correction: the real US military. I say that because  Captain America has turned into a whiney liberal version of his former self, whose enemy is the Tea Party movement instead of al Qaeda terrorists with Worldwide Sharia Law machinations… It’s sad.

American Exceptionalism used to be more about our system of government, the Rule of Law, and our never-ending quest to secure individual liberties for citizens while staving off the “soft despotism” of an ever-expansive federal government. But today, we are increasingly America Alone when it comes to moral clarity.

I believe, when you look out over the throngs of Tea Party activists embracing a return to First Principles instead of a future of economic stagnation due to a liberal activist government and entitlement spending on steroids, there’s a reason to be optimistic. There are still millions of Americans out there who know deep down that this is a special place that needs to be preserved. This November, make a pledge to go to the voting booth and Kick Ass.

Update: Big Hollywood has a good article up on Kick Ass. However, I think I beat them to the punch by days on this one, mainly because I’m a comic nerd.

Greg Gutfeld: Bionic Commando Dismantles “Hip-Hop” Professor, Progressives Everywhere.

I suppose if Mark Steyn is Mega Man that would make Greg Gutfeld the conservative movement’s Bionic Commando. Once again, Gufeld delivers a punishing response to the “leading hip-hop intellectuals” (Yes, Mark Lamont Hill actually believes that) and liberal pundits trying to paint the Tea Party movement as some sort of pseudo-Scooby Doo villain, who pulls off a mask to reveal the racist, bigot, homophobe beneath.

It goes like this: for the media, anger is only okay if its targets meet their stereotypical, romanticized criteria. Meaning: the corporation, the conservative, the daddy who never loved them.

Here’s a list of people doing angry things the media is okay with:

-People calling Bush a Nazi
-Students and non students rioting on college campuses
-Animal rights freaks dousing rich folks with paint
-Actors wishing average folks would get rectal cancer
-Bureaucrats labeling military vets as potential violent right wing extremists
-Radical environmentalists advocating violence against loggers
-Pranksters throwing pies at conservative commentators (you know, somehow they never pie Michael Moore, which makes him sad; he likes pie)

But this health care bill anger is different from all that – not just because it’s right, but because it involves Obama. And being angry at Obama is like being mad at Santa Claus. How can you be mad at Santa, when he brings us so many gifts?

And so, this anger is scary! It’s a mark of incivility! It’s deadly!

For some reason I don’t recall Mark Lamont Hill, Professor Hip Hop with a minor in pre-Civil Rights scat battle reenactments, being concerned over liberal kiddies who “Funk the War” by smashing in the windows of military recruitment centers with cans of yellow paint, but perhaps that was just an innocent mistake. I would hate to think that intellectuals like Hill are okay with a little subversion and sabotage when it’s perpetrated by big-government misfits and malcontents (or the Beastie Boys).

Greg Gutfeld: Bionic Commando

In general I’m not too worried about this tactic working. Sure, Organizing for America can use it in a fundraising effort, but that’s about it. The old racism card doesn’t work anymore. Sorry. Conservatives are through playing games and have more important things on their mind, namely, ensuring that the United States we leave to our kids and grandkids still Kicks Ass.

American Exceptionalism is real. Conservatives aim to keep it that way. As Gutfeld notes:

We are angry not because we lost, but that we lost to losers. I’m not talking about Obama, or the Dems. They’re winners, sadly. I’m talking about progressivism. The reason why I’m angry, my friends are angry, and my imaginary unicorn Captain Sparkles is angry – is because the greatest, most winningest country in the history of the world, just embraced the loser’s doctrine.

For two hundred plus years we’ve kicked ass, and we’re now choosing the belief system of the idiots whose asses we’ve kicked.

Whether you’re of the segment of the population that’s known for quite some time that progressivism is a loser, or if you’ve just taken off your Mind-Forged Manacles, welcome. But as I said the other day: If this is your first night, you have to fight. Welcome to The Club.