President Barack “Sea Bass” Obama.

I love the guys at hotair, but at the same time they really need to stop

Who knew the President was modeling his presidency on "Sea Bass" from Dumb and Dumber?

calling President Obama “Kickass.”  Why? Because Kickass is actually a great movie with American Exceptionalism written all over it! I’d hate for anyone to start associating that movie with President Obama because a faux macho charade was employed to appease the “glib” Matt Lauers of the world during a time of crisis.

Personally, I’d like people to start calling the President “Sea Bass” from the Jim Carrey classic, Dumb and Dumber. I think the “Kick his ass, Sea Bass!” refrain fits rather nicely when making Gulf oil spill presidential analogies as well.  And, in some strange way, I think it’s safe to say Americans feel like Jim Carrey in the infamous gas station bathroom scene…

If the kids were looking for hopeandchange, they now know that they didn’t get it. How can I make such a claim? Easy. When Jon Stewart goes Wolvie Berserk style and leaves the President with intellectual adamantium poisoning and claw slashes inches deep…it’s over.  It’s just sad that it took so long for so many people to see the Milli Vanilli nature of it all.  It’s little consolation to consider myself part of the “called it way back when” crowd.

So, in short, as much as I love the fake movie posters, I don’t want to see a great movie like Kickass sullied by the President’s handling of the BP Oil Spill. If you start linking good movies with liberalism, even in jest, Hit Girl’s nemesis, Roger Ebert, might start liking her. And that would just be wrong.

Many Americans are closing their eyes, sucking their thumbs, and deciding to pretend nothing bad happened after it's all over. I'm not one of them...but I understand the desire to do so.

Roger Ebert: Hit Girl too “dark.” The Woodsman’s Child Molester? Intriguingly Chartreuse.

Kevin Bacon has an interesting career. Sometimes he plays characters who

Roger Ebert isn't a fan of Hit Girl because she's "dark." Yet, Kevin Bacon as a child molester in The Woodsman is apparently an intriguing shade of chartreuse?

can’t fight the compulsion to stand up and dance, and sometimes he plays characters who must fight the compulsion to ummm…molest children. However, this post isn’t going to be about Kevin Bacon. Instead, I’d like to concentrate on Roger Ebert.  You know, that guy who is so bright he calls his readers “nutjob Teabaggers.”

First off, I’m not here to bash The Woodsman. I can see where many people might find it “thought provoking” or “daring.” Or, as Ebert put it:

The reason we cannot accept pedophilia as we accept many other sexual practices is that it requires an innocent partner, whose life could be irreparably harmed. We do not have the right to do that. If there is no other way to achieve sexual satisfaction, that is our misfortune, but not an excuse. It is not the pedophile that is evil, but the pedophilia.

While I find it interesting that Ebert doesn’t use the same pattern in logic to come to a Ted Nugentonian conclusion on Gun Rights, what piques my interest the most is Ebert’s fawning praise for a piece on humanizing child molesters—and sneering condescension at a world where a little girl can defend herself against drug dealers, gangsters, and the amoral dregs of society:

The little girl is named Mindy (Chloe Grace Moretz). She adopts the persona of Hit Girl. She has been trained by her father, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage), to join him in the battle against a crime boss (Mark Strong). Her training includes being shot at point-blank range while wearing a bulletproof vest. She also masters the martial arts — more, I would say, than any other movie martial artist of any age I can recall. She’s gifted with deadly knife-throwing; a foot-long knife was presented to her by Dad as, I guess, a graduation present…

The early scenes give promise of an entirely different comedy. Aaron Johnson has a certain anti-charm, his problems in high school are engaging, and so on. A little later, I reflected that possibly only Nic Cage could seem to shoot a small girl point-blank and make it, well, funny. Say what you will about her character, but Chloe Grace Moretz has presence and appeal. Then the movie moved into dark, dark territory, and I grew sad.

So “dark, dark, territory” for Ebert is apparently only kosher when Kevin Bacon is struggling with fantasies about girls like…Hit Girl! I get it. And so, following Ebert’s earlier logic, it is not the drug dealer or the crime lord (who puts people in giant industrial microwaves for lumber and pushes the ‘on’ button) who we should hate, but their desire to do so… Hit Girl’s problem is that she didn’t feel remorse for ridding the world of guys who would give Tony Soprano a Gene Kelly aura of innocence.

Guess what, Ebert: the world likes seeing pure evil blown up, shot, smashed, and killed. And, while I don’t think child predators should be harassed upon their release from prison, I do wonder why liberals like you and Oliver Stone are always trying to put guys like Hitler “in context.” Yeah, we get it—they’re human. They’re complex. But guess what, Roger: some people do things that are so beyond the pale we call them evil. And when I see a movie where someone like Hit Girl gives society’s skid marks a taste of their own medicine, I cheer.

I suppose that’s the tell tale sign I’m a“nutjob Teabagger,” right Roger? Well…I’m fine with that if proud socialists like you are the one’s setting the definitions. I.will.not.be.obedient.

Update: Big Hollywood’s take on Kick Ass might be worth a read if you have the time.