Kevin Smith: I’ll make ‘Christzilla’ — but my courage ends at Muhammad vs. Mothra

Kevin Smith Mothra

Remember when Kevin Smith’s Westboro Baptist Church-inspired horror flick ‘Red State’ barely cracked $1 million dollars? Since portraying roughly half the nation as potential religious whack jobs worked out so well for him, he’s decided to up the ante by pitting humanity and Satan against a giant raging “Christzilla” figure. As usual, the “daring” filmmaker failed to disclose any plans to ridicule Islam.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

Smith shared details about that project and updates on other movies in the works, and also revealed how he’s going to approach his film career going forward, in an extensive Facebook post on Monday.

The filmmaker wrote that he’ll soon start writing a movie about mankind teaming up with Hell to fight a rapturing giant Jesus.

Here’s what Smith said on his Facebook page:

“[R]ight now, the aim is to shoot CLERKS III this May — so this HELENA HANDBAG picture would still be a ways off anyway. But why sit around commenting on other people’s lives and art on the internet when I can try to make some NEW art instead? As for the title: If you heard the podcast, you know Scott suggested CHRISTZILLA in place of HOLY CHRIST! – the title of the fake movie in the original podcast. I asked the audience to offer up their suggestions at #BeatChristzilla and they were all really fun! But I’m going with the title HELENA HANDBAG – which comes directly from the plot of the flick (it’s kind of a nod to David Lynch’s unproduced ONE SALIVA BUBBLE screenplay, too — which was also about the end of the world and also carried a title that didn’t really prepare you for what the movie was about). So I’m off to write HELENA HANDBAG.

“Clerks III” followed by another attempt to get under the skin of religious folks? Perhaps in a few years “Clerks IV: Dante’s Inferno” can fuse Kevin Smith’s two primary go-to career options. Jay and Silent Bob can travel to the depths of Hell to save Brian O’Halloran.

For younger moviegoers, it is hard to explain how time has exposed Smith’s incredibly limited range as a writer and director. 1994’s “Clerks” was a truly inspired effort, and “Chasing Amy” solidified his reputation at the time as a witty guy with his finger firmly planted on the pulse of American pop-culture. People started copying his style, and instead of searching out new intellectual landscapes to explore he stayed in the same arena of thought with the usual creative teams. With each iteration, the “Kevin Smith” brand became more stale. Smith, however, doesn’t quite see it that way:

JERSEY GIRL, ZACK & MIRI, COP OUT – while I love them all, these are movies anybody could make. Like ’em or hate ’em, nobody else but me could’ve (or would’ve) ever made CLERKS. Or CHASING AMY. Or DOGMA. Or RED STATE. Or CLERKS II. Or MALLRATS. Or JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK.

  • Mall Rats — a funny movie about slackers. No one but Smith would have done that? The 90s would disagree.
  • Chasing Amy — a sharply written romantic comedy involving Lesbians? No one but Smith would make that? The growing Netflix section on gay and lesbian movies says otherwise.
  • Dogma — a critique on the Catholic Church. No one but Smith would make that? Okay.
  • Red State — a horror flick that blasts fundamentalist Christians. No one but Smith would make that? Gotcha.

Does Kevin Smith use the caps lock button to convince himself that his assertions are true, or does he think that talking loudly convinces the rest of us of the veracity of his claims? Will the sequel to “Helena Handbag” be called “Islamabad Burka”? Don’t count on it.

If Kevin Smith wants a movie that no one else would make, perhaps he could write a film that pits Giant Muhammed against Mothra. Giant Muhammed could also have a harem of topless women the size of The Sacred Mosque Al-Masjid Al-Haram. But Smith won’t go there because it’s easier to needle Christians with “Christzilla” than it is to make a film that lands on the radar of the world’s nuttiest Islamic clerics. Just ask Mark Basseley Youssef (formerly Nakoula Basseley Nakoula), the director of “Innocence of Muslims.” He’s the guy the Obama administration couldn’t act fast enough to pull out of his home for a perp walk. Crime? Daring to criticize Islam.

Kevin Smith is an intelligent guy with some good instincts. He was way ahead of the game when it came to podcasting and the format plays to his strengths. However, his role as screenwriter and filmmaker has suffered from years of staying inside his comfort zone. Worse, he still thinks that making jokes at the expense of devout followers of Jesus is edgy. It’s not. It’s just sad and, on some level, cowardly considering many of the real threats to the creative freedoms he enjoys as a citizen of the United States.

Kevin Smith doesn't want to end up like Mark Basseley Youssef (Nakoula Basseley Nakoula), the director of "Innocence of Muslims," so he sticks to mocking Christians.
Kevin Smith doesn’t want to end up like Mark Basseley Youssef (Nakoula Basseley Nakoula), the director of “Innocence of Muslims,” so he sticks to mocking Christians.

Related: Red State’s Kevin Smith Plays Silent Bob on Radical Islam

Related: Red State Teaser Trailer Hits Christians because Teasing Muslims Terrifies Kevin Smith

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Comic-Con Episode IV: Morgan Spurlock Hypocrisy?

Morgan Spurlock is the documentary filmmaker most known for his 2004 hit Supersize Me, in which he comes to the shocking conclusion that shoving McDonald’s down your throat for thee meals a day for 30 days can be detrimental to your health. Many of the changes McDonalds made to its menu, and the legislative reactions by individual states (think of New York’s “trans fat” and “sodium” police) over the years can be traced to the film; the words “Supersize it” are no longer uttered at counters across America. Sure, obesity in American is arguably worse now than it was in 2004…but fans of the Nanny State still have those “victories” under their belt. Spurlock’s Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope looks to be an overall winner, but I can’t help smelling some hypocrisy.

Featuring cameos by comics legend Stan Lee, Kevin Smith, and Seth Rogen, the film appears to be a celebration of the annual event, four days of the most awesome nerdery you can imagine, accompanied by a media blitz. Cos-play, panels of writers and directors and artists, exhibitions, and attendees who love pop culture are what makes Comic Con one of those pilgrimages all nerds must make at least once in their life. (Similar insanity can probably be found at Atlanta’s Dragon Con, which this author has attended twice).

The trailer for Comic-Con Episode IV features three people, “The Collector”, “The Geek”, and “The Designer”. Their personal stories will undoubtedly convey to viewers why the event is so special. The thousands of fans who dedicate time, money and resources to everything Comic Con embraces are also ubiquitous. Perhaps the snippets from “The Collector” and Red State director Kevin Smith give the best glimpse of Spurlockian hypocrisy:

The Collector: “My wife is not to ecstatic about this whole toy collecting thing, but I will not leave that Con until I have those figures.”

Kevin Smith: “If I can go back in time and tell the 11 year old me, ‘one day not only do you go to comic con, you go to Comic Con every year, so much so that you get greeted by Stan Lee when you show up.’ And the 11 year old me would be like, “How did we get so fat?”

If Morgan Spurlock thought for a moment before making Supersize Me, he would have realized that there’s a difference between correlation and causation. Just because some people enjoy spending their cash on fast food—sometimes to the detriment to their health and interpersonal relationships—it doesn’t mean that businesses are at fault. It also doesn’t mean that federal and state laws should be changed so that Morgan Spurlock’s definition of “The Good Life” can be realized. In Spurlock’s world you get fat from McDonalds, but he could have just as easily come to the conclusion that perhaps Kevin Smith has an “unhealthy” obsession with comic books. His 2004 documentary could have been Don’t Make Mine Marvel. Since the liberal mind only seeks ways to control people in order to build a better world, it’s really a crap shoot as to what industry or behavior they target next. When a group of liberals come to a consensus that something is “bad” for you, it will be targeted.

Why is Kevin Smith fat? I don’t know. I don’t care, because I’m a conservative. It’s his life, and as long as he doesn’t infringe on my life and my personal liberties I’m not particularly interested. The liberal does “care,” which is why they need to find ways to “help.”

Why does “The Collector” have an obsession that compels him to fill his house with a bunch of action figures? I don’t know. I don’t care. It’s his money, and if his wife leaves him because he spends too much money on Marvel Secret Wars action figures from the 1980’s…that’s his business. I won’t be making a documentary about the marketing of Marvel executives, and how it brain washes little kids, who then become nerdy and obese adults.

I was a nerd before being a nerd was cool. I have a collection of comics and I eat a lot of food that would “concern” Morgan Spurlock and liberal do-gooders in New York. I plan on seeing Spurlock’s new movie, but it’s sad that in the back of mind I’ll always be thinking of the statist claptrap he preaches, and how it just as easily can be applied to the people who frequent comic conventions…

I eat large quantities of hamburgers. I go to comics conventions. And yet, I’m not fat, like the objects of a Morgan Spurlock hit job on McDonalds or liberals like Kevin Smith. So why do they feel the need to advocate for legislation that seeks to impose their version of the good life on me? Someone tell Morgan there’s a difference between causation and correlation.

Kevin Smith’s Red State: A Conservative Review

Writer and Director Kevin Smith forgot basic algebra; it doesn't matter how hard you try if you're using the wrong equation. In Red State, tired liberal tropes result in an answer most moviegoers seem to agree is off the mark.

Red State, Kevin Smith’s public service announcement horror film on the dangers of fundamentalist Christians, came out months ago. I already questioned the idea of creating a film that automatically insinuates half the U.S. population is filled with Fred Phelps wannabes. I already wondered why Kevin went Silent Jihad on Islamic radicals, but came out with guns blazing for the War on Ostracized Christian Outliers.

However, I didn’t review the film—until now. If you’re looking for a fair-minded conservative review, you’ve found it.

Red State begins with “Travis,” played by actor Michael Angarano, being driven to high school for his first period class. The problem is that Travis looks like he’s in his mid-twenties. This slightly jarring, chuckle-inducing moment is emblematic of a film that on multiple levels goes on to miss its marks.

The plot of the film is fairly straight forward: Three teenage boys answer an online invitation to have group sex with a willing woman on a Friday night. After side-swiping a vehicle on the way to the rendezvous, they decide to carry on anyway to realize their goal. Hours later their plans of wild sex has gone awry; they’ve been drugged, bound up and wound up tight, and on display for a fundamentalist church that specializes in sinner-sacrifices. A chain of events, set in motion by the earlier car accident, ensures a Waco-style standoff between the church and the federal government, with everyone fighting for their lives.

Sounds like a pretty good action-thriller, right? Not quite. Michael Parks, as intolerant preacher Abin Cooper, and John Goodman as a level-headed ATF Agent, do the acting equivalent of turning water into wine, but even they can’t save Red State from itself. Kevin Smith edits an entertaining gun battle, but an entertaining gun fight doesn’t necessarily make a movie (an exception might be John Woo’s classic, Hard Boiled).

What truly hampers Red State are a slew of long, drawn out diatribes by Parks and Goodman (again, both delivered flawlessly) that do little more than wallow in stereotypical rants you’ve already written in your mind the moment the characters appear on screen. Think about an anti-gay screed based on what you know about fundamentalist Christians. Now imagine it going on for what feels like 30 minutes and you can cook yourself dinner without missing a thing. The one moment where the film flirts with excellence—a climax tied to the Book of Revelation—comes to a screeching halt with, ironically, a Deus ex Machina I can only hope was due to time or budgetary constraints. Confused? All you need to know comes from an ATF Agent who ties everything up eloquently, shortly before the credits, when he says: “Patriot Act, b**ch!”

I stand by what I wrote in December of 2010:

Kevin needs some critical acclaim.  He’s taking the Billie Joe Armstrong route, which is to douse his work in ideological pheromones that a number of critics won’t be able to resist. It may be a smart move in the short run, but the long term effects are rather damaging.

It’s obvious that Kevin Smith was trying with Red State, but just like an algebraic story problem, it doesn’t matter how hard you try if you’re using the wrong equation. In this instance Kevin factored in far left, tired tropes into his equation for success, and the answer was rejected by most moviegoers outside his hard core, cultish fan base.

Here’s to hoping (and praying) that Kevin rebounds with his next movie.

Red State’s Kevin Smith Plays Silent Bob on Radical Islam.

Silent Bob goes silent on jihad because it's easier to make fun of Christians (they tend not to murder you in broad daylight when they're offended).

Imagine if you will, a scenario where director Kevin Smith releases his indie horror film, Red State, in March of 2011.  Inspired by the infamous Westboro Baptist Church and the cultish followers of Fred Phelps, it causes quite a stir. One day as Smith walks the streets of Santa Monica, California after one of his popular podcasts an enraged Christian slits his throat and leaves a note behind, warning Lady Gaga that her advocacy of gay rights has endangered her life.

On the other side of the globe, a director by the name of Theodore Van Gogh releases a documentary titled Submission. Written by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, it pulls no punches in its criticism of Islam.  Although irate, the Muslim community in the Netherlands essentially shrugs its shoulders, issuing a few press statements and holding a few sparsely-attended boycotts.  A Dutch-Moroccan Muslim by the name of Mohammed Bouyeri appears on The Hofstad Network, a Fox News of sorts, where he has a spirited debate with a Dutch version of Bill O’Reilly.  No one dies.

If you experienced such a reality it would be time to worry, as it would be apparent that you crossed over into The Twilight Zone.

The reality is this:  Theo Van Gogh was murdered by Mohammed Bouyer.  An ominous note was left on the stabbed, bullet riddled, and bloody body for Ayaan Hirsi Ali. The Hofstad Network is composed of a group of individuals who would like to behead Hollywood’s inspiration for Social Network, and Ayaan Hirsi Ali requires security guards close at hand.  In the United States, however, Christians respond to “art” like Andres Serrano’s Piss Christ with, essentially, a collective grumble.

And that is why Kevin Smith made Red State instead of, say, Islamic State.

Hollywood artists were great at patting themselves on the back for speaking “truth to power” when BushHitler (one word) was in the White House, but the dirty little secret is that their courage generally only rears its head when the power they’re confronting shows absolutely no interest in sending them off to gulags (i.e., North Korea), stoning them (e.g., Iran), or assassinating them in the vein of Theo Van Gogh.  The reason why Kevin Smith is able—by his own admission—to make a movie that is “so fucking vicious and nasty and mean and stark…” is because he lives in the United States of America.  The country’s Christian heritage paved the way for the kind of rights Kevin takes for granted.  Those same rights he thinks are at risk because of inconsequential nincompoops like Fred Phelps and his followers—so much so that he used his own limited time and resources to make a horror movie about them.

The most puzzling aspect of Kevin Smith’s War on Ostracized Christian Outliers is that he comes from New Jersey.  He was a hop, skip, and a jump on 9/11 (a Silent Bob jump, nonetheless) from Ground Zero to see the smoldering rubble, twisted metal, and shattered lives because of the machinations of Islamic terrorists.  After comparing that national tragedy with the battle scars left behind by the Catholic outrage over his 1999 movie Dogma (note: there weren’t any), one wonders why he’d return to the Christian-bashing well.  Fear and cowardice have already been mentioned.  The other — desperation.

Kevin Smith needs a hit.  Badly.  Even his stronger offerings in recent years (Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Clerks II), while ultimately making the studio money, haven’t been breakout successes.  Consider this:  Zach and Miri was beaten out its first week by High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

The easiest way for a Hollywood liberal to immediately get fawning coverage is to douse their work in condescension towards the conservative worldview; it’s an accelerant for positive reviews by liberal leaning critics.  However, what Hollywood types don’t get is that accelerants are often used to commit arson, and a movie like Red State will most likely leave a big black hole in Kevin’s career—what’s left of it—where conservative fans once stood.

While the knee jerk reaction might be to boycott the kind of tired, predictable, cliched Christian-bashing Kevin Smith offers with Red State, that kind of attention is exactly what he wants.  Instead, I wish conservatives would familiarize themselves with the movie and flock to blogs in droves to ask why Kevin Smith keeps playing Silent Bob when it comes to radical Islam.

Red State Teaser Trailer Hits Christians because Teasing Muslims Terrifies Kevin Smith.

If Kevin Smith had any artistic courage his horror movie would have addressed the kind of fundamentalism that's responsible for honor killings. That would have irritated the kind of people who issue fatwas and death threats, so it didn't happen. Note: They're not Christian.

The Red State Teaser Trailer has dropped. If you haven’t been following its progress, you should watch it with this in mind:  Kevin Smith is more of a danger to toilets than Middle America’s Christians are to the nation.  He may want you to believe that all “Red States” are filled with Westboro Baptist Church Fred Phelps fans itching to torture teenagers (You know, that guy who ran for public office as a Blue State Democrat multiple times), but historically Kevin’s butt has been more of threat to the structural integrity of buildings than the stooges who inspired his latest movie:

“I broke a toilet. That’s how heavy I am,” said Smith. “I can’t take all the credit — that was an old toilet and a very waterlogged wall — but my size took that toilet down. I cannot cognitively reframe it and be like, ‘It wasn’t me — it was the toilet.’ It was definitely me. And that’s a wake-up call!”

Do you want to know what else was a wake up call for millions of Americans?  September 11th, 2001.  And since then there’s been a number of terrorist plots thwarted, all of which served as a reminder:  the real monsters out there aren’t fundamentalist Christians.  The real monsters are extremists of another faith, but Kevin Smith would rather not focus on them because:

  • He doesn’t want fatwas and death threats thrust upon him like the creators of South Park, gays, Jews, women, non-muslims, and…the actress from the Harry Potter flicks who dared to have a non-muslim boyfriend.
  • Liberal movie critics like Roger Ebert are more inclined to give rave reviews when a fellow liberal is going after crazy Christians and other “red state” stereotypes.  And Kevin needs a hit right about now.  Exhibit A: Cop Out.

A common refrain as of late is that Kevin is going back to his “indie roots” with Red State (i.e., a euphemism for “on the cheap because we had to”?).  However, it should be noted that a number of famous horror flicks that were made on shoestring budgets came from promising upstarts and artists who couldn’t get buy in from producers who fund Ben Stiller sell outs. In Red State’s case, the director in question is returning to his indie roots because box office performance (or underperformance) has brought him full circle.

What irks me about Kevin and his liberal friends—like Ben Affleck—is that they go out of their way to take shots at conservatives. The last time I checked, conservatives watched movies too. So why couldn’t Smith simply come up with a title that didn’t paint at least half of America as having an affinity for Fred Phelps’ mindset?

As mentioned, Kevin needs some critical acclaim.  He’s taking the Billie Joe Armstrong route, which is to douse his work in ideological pheromones that a number of critics won’t be able to resist. It may be a smart move in the short run, but the long term effects are rather damaging.  If Kevin wanted to do something outside the box he’d have made a horror flick that centered around the kind of guys with a thing for honor killings… but once again that would require him to have a shred of artistic courage.

Someone needs to look at the statistics to see how many people each blogger out there represents, because there are a lot of Americans who feel the same way I do about Kevin:

  • Smith is a witty writer who once inspired a generation of young filmmakers with Clerks and Chasing Amy.  He helped bring comics into the mainstream (which may be a bad thing if you’re a nerd’s nerd).
  • Somewhere along the line it was established that quick wit isn’t synonymous with directing talent…and Smith turned into a bit of a whiner who couldn’t see how he came across to anyone outside his own cultish fan base. Insulated by rabid fans who tune in to smodcasts and visit SModcastle, he’s oblivious to how he alienates those who generally like his work but didn’t drink the Kool Aid.
  • As any foundering Hollywood type from the 90’s does when fame wanes, he ups the liberalism ante to stop the slide or pick up traction with a new audience.  It seldom works.  Just ask Janeane Garofalo.

I remember the good old days, when Kevin’s pals played hockey on roofs to Soul Asylum… and the politics didn’t poison anyone’s perception of his work. I wish that feeling could be recaptured, but just as Kevin can’t unbreak a toilet seat, we can’t turn back time.

Here’s hoping Kevin one day dials back on the liberal pot shots and returns to what he’s good at. If he does, I’ll be sending my disposable income his way. Until then, I hope Red States give Red State a stink palm.

Kevin was inspired to write about "Red State" Christians who use chokers to torture teenagers. Too bad he wasn't inspired to write about Sharia Law followers who chop off heads in real life.

PS: I once met Jason Mewes in a Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash in Santa Monica when it first opened. He was a super nice guy. Snoogens.

Kevin Smith’s Red State Rolls. Making Green By Disparaging Half the Nation? Michael Moore Q.E.D.

John Goodman's career includes playing right wing nut job stereotypes really, really, well. Congrats to Kevin Smith for landing him. However, Smith isn't The Coen Brothers...so I think I'll hold on to my chips instead of placing bets on this one.

Kevin Smith’s Red State is under way.  If you’re not familiar with it, all you need to know is that it’s his horror flick inspired by Westboro Baptist Church, its preacher Fred Phelps, and the urban liberal-elitist belief that anyone with religious convictions from a “red” state is an empathetic blood brother with fundamentalist whack jobs.

As far as casting goes, Smith couldn’t have done a better job when it came to landing John Goodman. Anyone who has seen The Big Lebowski knows what he’s capable of. Ditto for his work in O Brother, Where Art Thou? I’d say to forget about The Flintstones, but it seems as though Goodman’s life’s work has prepared him for Red State:

  • Vietnam Vet (Conservatives are crazy war mongers)
  • Klan member (Conservatives are racists)
  • Cave man (Conservatives are neanderthals)

Kevin Smith will undoubtedly mine Goodman for a number of tropes.  I’ll be looking forward to the movie, if for no other reason than to comment on them.  I still need to see Robert Rodriguez’s Machete for that very reason…

In the coming months, I’ll probably tune in to a few of Smith’s Smodcasts to hear how production is going.  And, even when he isn’t talking about the movie, I’m sure he’ll provide material to supplement upcoming blogs.  For instance:

“The theater is the very first podcasting theater on the planet, and if you had told me a year ago that we were ever going to be involved in that I would have been like, “Nah!” I’m so proud of that “world’s first podcasting theater” thing. It’s like, there’s not many things that you can say you did first. Even with making the flicks,  people were doing that years before  we ever did that. Even with doing a podcast, people were doing that years before we ever did that. Nobody was ever stupid enough to open a theater for something that is given out for free on the internet.”

Since Kevin is proud of his firsts, I should point out his glaring oversight: He’s also the first person to make a movie in which he openly disparages half the nation with the title, content, and marketing. No one has been stupid enough to do that, either. Congrats, Kevin.  You obviously didn’t get that advice from the President, who is awkwardly attempting to woo Americans, but who knows how it will all pan out. Oddly enough, because you live in the United States…it just might work!  Just ask Michael Moore.

Kevin was the first to have a podcasting theater. He's also the first to openly disparage half the nation with the title, content, and marketing of a film. Somewhere, Michael Moore is really jealous.

Kevin Smith’s Red State Moves Forward. Career Continues Downward Spiral.

It turns out that Kevin Smith, director and threat to national security, is moving forward with the long talked about project Red State:

Plot via IMDB: A horror film in which a group of misfits encounter fundamentalism gone to the extreme in Middle America.

Or, as Smith notes of his pet project to paint half the American electorate as Westboro Baptist Church fan club members:

“It’s so f***ing vicious and nasty and mean and stark, and it’s not funny … It’s this weird f***ing dark little Seventies horror movie…that nobody wants to make.”

Note to Kevin: Maybe the reason “nobody want[ed] to make” your film was because conservatives like horror movies just as much as the next guy, and it’s tough to promote a product that says to half the nation: “Watch my movie; it’s one big metaphor showcasing my belief that you’re a monster!

Or, perhaps, no one was really psyched about making Kevin’s movie

Kevin Smith: Watch my movie because it portrays you as a monster. Is that blood splatter representative of my upcoming movie, or my hemorrhaging career?

because…he’s simply not a very good director.  Fact: Kevin Smith is a witty guy who’s quick on his feet, an astute observer of the pop culture landscape, and a capable writer who can turn out gems from time to time—provided he doesn’t stray too far outside his comfort zone. If you remember Cop Out (I think it lasted a few weeks in the theaters and couldn’t even break 50 million domestically, right?), his name was nowhere near the promotional material. When you factor in Kevin’s loyal following is usually worth at least $15 million, and Bruce Willis’ awesomeness should generate another $25 million (minimum), the honest analyst will tell you Cop Out was a stink bomb (bonus points if you got the Mallrats reference).

If Kevin wants to use his talent to cast aspersions on conservatism and the states that are friendly to it, fine. But I find it a little ironic that the liberal guy who actually has what many would call a cult following is now doing a film about extremist cults in the heart of Middle America. Go on any website overrun with Kevin Smith’s fans, offer up some constructive criticism, and watch their heads spin. Even Kevin has shown that he’s so uber sensitive to online critics that he’s willing to write his frustrations into his flicks in the form of teenager and clergy beat-downs… Again, I wouldn’t mind, but this is the same guy who hosts regular pod casts, spouting off his non-expert opinions and ruminations to anyone who will listen.

Note: Liberals are just as prone to the “do as I say, not as I do,” hypocrisy as anyone else. They just don’t want you to know it, because then their racist, redneck, homophobic red herring house of cards will come crumbling down.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch Bruce Willis do his thing in a Gorillaz video.

Update: The teaser trailer for Red State is out. For some reason there doesn’t seem to be anyone who practices Sharia Law in it. Perhaps that’s because it would have required courage on Smith’s part…

Kevin Smith: Threat to National Security

I really didn’t want to do it. I really didn’t want to do a “fat director kicked off plane” blog post, but the more I thought about it the more necessary it became.

Kevin Smith, while not as outspoken in his liberalism as his friends Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, is still liberal. In fact, he’s wanted to do a horror move called Red State for some time now. Nothing says box office success like blatantly using half the country as an inspiration for a horror flick. I’m meandering, but has anyone watched the trailer for Cop Out? Have you seen Smith’s name anywhere near it? Didn’t think so…

Anyway, back to the subject at hand: Smith’s weight. One would think that the liberal Smith would have listened to Michelle Obama, who linked the country’s obesity problem with national security.

Or what about New York, the “Blue State” that is now working on creating a new elite Salt Police unit. Oh, I forgot, Smith is from New Jersey. Their liberalism is of the kind that creates rules against pumping your own gas.

I suppose I answered my question yesterday when I linked to Bill Maher and his rant based on the premise that military men and women are idiots (Those “Red State” recruits that sign up in droves). Smith isn’t a threat to national security because he wouldn’t be signing up for a stint in the Army even if he was at fighting weight. He’s too busy writing comics that sometimes, maybe, sorta…make it to your local comic shop.

But seriously, Kevin, I wish you the best of luck. Eat to your heart’s content. And get back to another incarnation of Clerks because…that’s what you’re good at. And the Soul Asylum song on the soundtrack? Classic.

Snoogens.