Michael Moore isn’t going to be happy with his Cuban filmmaker counterparts. The self-made millionaire who laments capitalism and the astute observer of freedom who said that it seems Cuba has “a doctor on every block” now might end up having to watch as a Cuban zombie flick sheds more light on life in Fidel’s “paradise” than Sicko ever did. The building that collapses at the end of the Juan of the Dead trailer even looks like the “showcase hospital” Moore was taken to during his tour of the country!

How sad is it that American kids will probably have to watch this Cuban horror movie parody to get a better education on the real Cuba than by attending classes in Washington, DC, Los Angeles, or Chicago? Perhaps the editor at Topless Robot put it best:

Unlike regular zombie flicks or even Shaun [of the Dead], Juan and his pals don’t seem to be afraid of zombies at all — it appears that given all the other [crap] that happens in Cuba on regular basis, zombies end up pretty unremarkable as a crisis. In fact, it looks like Juan immediately seizes the invasion of the living dead as a business opportunity. That’s pretty outstanding. Here’s hoping it makes it to U.S. theaters, or at least a domestic DVD release.

As The Heritage Foundation and Marco Rubio have already noted, Cuba has no problem creating zombies in the form of sex trade victims. Why should Cuban government thugs care about scarred children shuffling around when it’s part of a 2 billion dollar tourism industry for Fidel and Raul? Perhaps a more accurate assessment of Moore’s “there seems to be doctor on every block” claim can be attributed to staff treating the STD’s and psychological damage to young girls thrust into human trafficking. That is, unless Fidel Castro says otherwise:

There are no women forced to sell themselves to a man, to a foreigner, to a tourist…Those who do so do it on their own, voluntarily and without any need for it. We can say that they are highly educated hookers and quite healthy.

In the Juan of the Dead trailer, the government blames the zombie outbreak on “dissident groups paid for by the U.S. government.” Anyone who’s listened to Michael Moore, Sean Penn, Keith Olbermann, Janeane Garofalo and the rest of the left knows they would be the first to take the state run media’s account and run with it. When the real zombie apocalypse hits the one silver lining will be the entertainment provided by our nation’s useful idiot survivors.

If Juan of the Dead is a success the sequel should be Venezuela. Why? Because like Cuba, they’re also into sex trafficking. 40,000 – 50,000 child prostitutes in the socialist wonderland and counting. It’s a ready-made allegory for life under Sean Penn’s ideological hero.

Congratulations to the director of Juan of the Dead, Alejandro Brugues; your work of fiction is more accurate than a Michael Moore documentary and you weren’t even trying. If you get stateside distribution, I’m there.

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