Do you remember Tim Burton’s directorial debut, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure? If you do, I’m sure you remember Francis Buxton. And if you do you’ll know exactly where I’m coming from when I say the federal government is Francis Buxton.


Francis Buxton. Perhaps you know him by his other name: The Federal Government.


Francis Buxton was a big, fat, immature bully who used someone else’s money to buy things he couldn’t afford. And when he couldn’t buy what he wanted…he stole it. The federal government isn’t any different, using your hard-earned cash to buy all sorts of things it can’t afford (although I will admit that it tends to favor cars instead of bikes). And when it knows that you can’t be bought off? It does what it wants anyway.

Luckily, when the theft is egregious enough, there’s usually someone who storms the castle, crashes the pool, grabs the behemoth around the gut, and confronts the jerk. And that is exactly what the American people need to do right now, although, as the movie demonstrates, sometimes that isn’t enough to work. Perhaps Francis’ daddy (e.g., labor unions and other liberal lobbyists) shows up in the knick of time to prevent the fraud from being exposed. Perhaps any number of strange events occur that prevent justice from being done.

What then? Well, going intellectually old-school John Woo is necessary, but so is methodically laying out the evidence for the people (even if “Amazing Larry” doesn’t believe you).

If those things are done, and done well, conservatives will be okay. And when the public policy breakthrough finally comes we can ride off into the sunset like Satan’s Little Helpers on their choppers…until the next obstacle throws us over the handlebars.

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