‘Alita: Battle Angel’ fans are like ‘Goblin Slayers’ for the movie industry

Kim Jong Il Crazy for Robert Rodriguez: Fandango for Dictators on Fire.

One of the reasons why the United States Kicks Ass is because it’s habitually in the position of having to control its border to stop millions of people who want to enter the country, while

Kim Jong Il is probably a huge fan of Matt Damon's national self flagellation flicks for self loathing liberal Americans.

countries like North Korea have troops at the border to stop people from leaving.  The United States has actors and directors who go around the world bashing the freest country in the world, while North Korea hires actors to put a happy face on a regime that runs gulags like a successful fast food chain restaurant.

That’s why I find it interesting that Robert Rodriguez and his liberal Hollywood friends spend more time stoking cultural fires within their own country instead of pointing to the dysfunctional dictators who really pose a threat to the freedom, liberty, and civilized societies throughout the world.

Likewise, it’s very telling that satirists and comedians around the world feel perfectly at ease mocking Christians when they’re desperate for an easy laugh, and yet they now openly acknowledge that “speaking truth to power” doesn’t include mocking Islamic terrorists because…that might actually require some inner fortitude. Today’s liberal “thinkers” (or wannabe “thinkers”) talk tough to talk show hosts…but clam up when it comes to the guy who wants to chop your head off, brunoise the First Amendment, and serve it to his jihad buddies for dinner.

While I’ve already let it be known how I feel about Robert Rodriguez, I still can’t let the issue go. I want so badly to believe that I’m not living in The Twilight Zone, but every day I’m reminded how Hollywood shuns real life American stories of Audie Murphy-type heroism in favor of filmic self flagellation on a national scale.

Am I suggesting we pay filmmakers to make American versions of creepy North Korean propaganda pieces? Of course not. But, personally, I think America is a pretty cool place with quite a bit to be proud of. And I just wish that the Matt Damon-standing-up-against-corrupt-U.S.-government cinematic skid marks were exposed for the self-righteous Ashtonian idiocy they are.

When someone with Robert Rodriguez’s skills finally decides to highlight how great this nation is within the confines of an awesome action flick…they’re going to make a lot of money.

I wonder if Machete will ever work his way into North Korean gulags to kill the Commie caretakers of the closest thing to hell on earth. Oh...wait...Robert Rodriguez is too busy stoking cultural fires in the freest country the world has ever known. You rock, Robert!

Robert Rodriguez: From Dumb Till Dawn? Say it Ain’t So!

It looks like director Robert Rodriguez is trying to slowly step backwards from the May 5th Machete trailer he released:

“The movie is very over-the-top satirical, and it’s only because of what’s happened in Arizona that some scenes actually feel at all grounded in reality, which is pretty nuts and says more about Arizona than any fictional movie.”

Here’s the deal: I like Robert Rodriguez. When I was younger and wanted to

Robert: I love hispanics. I love your movies. I loved Salma in From Dusk Till Dawn. So please don't act like an idiot because I disagree with you over complex public policy problems facing the nation.

make movies he was an inspiration to me. I think every aspiring filmmaker should read Rebel Without a Crew: Or How a 23-Year-Old Filmmaker with $7,000 Became a Hollywood Player.

I thank Robert for introducing me to Salma Hayek as a teenager in From Dusk Till Dawn. The first Spy Kids was incredibly fun. And Sin City is a classic. Period.

Robert seems like a really nice guy, but like other Hollywood liberals he needs to realize that when you insinuate that people who disagree with you over complex public policy issues are racist…there’s going to be blowback. I’ve supported Robert Rodriguez in the theaters for years, and introduced countless friends to El Mariachi—yet the guy has the nerve to label me a racist because I think not having control of our borders is detrimental to the country? I’m sorry Robert, but as Hartigan might say, you’ve “made a terrible mistake.”

“It’s time to prove to your friends that you’re worth a damn. Sometimes that means dying…and sometimes that means killing a whole lot of people.”

Robert, this isn’t worth killing your career over. Hispanics know you’re a good guy. I know you’re a good guy. But if you want to go down the Sean Penn path I’ll refuse to ever spend a dime on one of your movies ever again. Stick to the Bruce Willis balancing act and you’ll do just fine.

Listen to Bruce Willis, Robert. He's a smart man.

Now get going on Sin City 2, because I’m getting impatient.

Jon Stewart uses Rangel as Baseball Bat, Knocks it Out of The Park.

I know that Jon Stewart isn’t going to like this, but in this sketch he picks up Charlie Rangel by the ankles and uses him as a baseball bat to knock one out of the park. Just as he did when he used Keith Olbermann’s ginormous head as a bowling ball to throw a perfect strike (yes, I know I’m mixing sports metaphors), Stewart proves once again that he’s a savvy guy. Yes, his intelligence has its limits – as has been displayed often – but surgical dissections like this (Cheney-eque, if you will) demonstrate why he’s successful.

My big problem with Jon Stewart has always been the little game he plays where, when he says something dumb, his retort is essentially, “Why would you take me seriously? I’m just a court jester…” But he’s a court jester who very much wants to be taken seriously. True, he was in Robert Rodriguez’s movie The Faculty playing Professor Edward Furlong, but trust me on this one…

While the rest of the media seems to serve as Robert Gibbs’ belly button lint licker (did I go too far?), Jon Stewart seems to know it’s hard to be taken seriously if you refuse to point out the losers on your own team. Can a skit on this be far behind?

Can you ever imagine Keith Olbermann sitting down and having a fairly normal conversation with Bill O’Reilly? I may think that Jon Stewart is flirting with the “bitter liberal funny guy who lost it because he’s always angry like Dave Letterman” designation, but he’s not there yet. And I respect him, at least for now, for eying that line and making a conscious decision not to cross it.

The real Edward Furlong? Let’s not talk about the lines he’s crossed.