Obama admin preemptively apologizes to Muslim world for Zero Dark Thirty

Despite working with Hollywood on Zero Dark Thirty, the Obama administration is now preemptively apologizing to the Muslim world for any protests, violence or murders that are blamed upon its release.

Zero Dark Thirty, which will come out in December, has been billed as “the story of history’s greatest manhunt for the world’s most dangerous man.” Now, if the Obama administration has its way, it will be billed as “the story of history’s greatest manhunt for the world’s most dangerous man ... that wasn’t told in theaters.” Sources confirm that Jay Carney will hold a press conference within days to preemptively apologize to the Muslim world for the film, which chronicles the capture and killing of Osama bin Laden. The White House gave Hollywood unprecedented access to sensitive information in order to recreate the event, but the sudden realization that insulting Islam is tantamount to crying fire in a crowded theater has it worried — using the Obama administration’s own logic, they could be held accountable for Zero Dark Thirty murders.

It all started when violence broke out in the Mideast on September 11, first with the U.S. Embassy in Egypt and the U.S. Consulate in Libya, and then with other uprisings in Tunisia, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Israel and Pakistan later in the week. Four Americans were killed, including two former U.S. Navy SEALs and Ambassador Christopher Stephens. The Obama administration has insisted on multiple occasions that the current violence is rooted in anger of an obscure YouTube video, “The Innocence of Muslims,” and that it should not be seen as a condemnation of American foreign policy under Obama or an indicator of Islam’s incompatibility with universal human rights.

U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, Susan Rice, who also has asserted that the anti-Islam film was responsible for “spontaneous” attacks, released the following statement Monday night:

Director Kathryn Bigelow and writer Mark Boal have needlessly put American lives at risk with Zero Dark Thirty. Likewise, it is disgusting that Chris Pratt, Jessica Chastain and Joel Edgerton would take part in a film that will undoubtedly inflame passions around the globe, particularly among large segments of the Muslim community President Obama has sought to win over long before bin Laden’s body was left on the bottom of the ocean. The capture and killing of the terrorist mastermind, the continued drone strikes and the operational status of Guantanamo Bay aside, this administration has worked miracles within the Muslim community. Zero Dark Thirty will undo nearly four years worth of work if Sony has its way. And so, the Obama administration calls on all studios and distributors associated with the film to pull back before it’s too late.

Upon hearing the news, Mitt Romney’s campaign put out a press release condemning the Obama administration’s hypocrisy, as well as its abandonment of the First Amendment. Flash polls conducted by Rasmussen indicate that 90 percent of the American population sees nothing wrong with the Obama administration’s preemptive apology, and that roughly 3/4 of likely voters found the former Mass. governor to be out of line when he defended the Constitution on Constitution Day.

With Zero Dark Thirty set to hit theaters December 19, Americans have at least three months to wait before they see if the apology works. Ivy League academics have assured citizens that any violence perpetrated in the name of Islam will be blamed on Christians, Sony Pictures and writer Mark Boal, since the thought that President Obama be held accountable for his mistakes is, of course, ludicrous.

Osama’s terror Bibles? Don’t expect rioting Christians

Were Bibles inscribed with coded terror plots found at Osama bin Laden's compound? ISI says so. If authenticated, don't expect Christians to melt down in the streets while killing each other. Leave that to our friends in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

The Sun reports that while destorying Osama bin Laden’s Pakistani compound, demolition crews found Bibles inscribed with coded terror plots. Pakistan’s intelligence services are now in possession of the religious texts, and if true it’s something that the CIA will want in on. Regardless, coming off the heels of Afghanistan’s Koran-burning riots, such a find would be…interesting (to say the least).

Just as the burned Korans were taken from detainees who were using them as daily planners for terrorist attacks, bin Laden apparently took it a step further and went with Bible desecration. The rules of the game go as follows: the world’s Islamic terrorists (and terrorist-sympathizers) get to deface religious books and chop off heads. They’re also allowed to riot and kill each other in a feeding frenzy of insanity when infidels do something that “offends” them. You? You get to apologize for all slights, real and imagined.

The difference between Western Civilization and the lawless mountain regions filled with terrorists picking dirt out of their beards is this: Societies without inferiority complexes don’t melt down in rage whenever they’re offended. Even as tepid and distressing as Western Civilization’s reaction to radical Islam has been over their course of decades, it still possesses a confidence and clarity that prevents large swathes of its people from behaving like barbarian nut jobs.

The real existential threat to Western Civilization doesn’t come from Islam—it comes from ourselves. We can see it in the form of 15 trillion dollar deficits, and the moral and cultural relativism taught to our children from the moment the start school to the moment they walk the stage for their college diploma. We can see it in the weak-kneed politicians that would rather apologize and hope for the best instead of standing strong and facing down a warped worldview that somehow survived into the 21st century.

If it turns out bin Laden really was writing in Bibles, great; it gives Western Civilization another opportunity to demonstrate to the world its superiority over oppressive nations with Ottoman Empire dreams.

GQ EIC Jim Nelson Thinks Americans are Stupid. MIA on Stupid Yemenis.

Jim Nelson thinks Americans are stupid because they aren't familiar with the nuances of Middle Eastern culture. What more is there to know? They stone women. They kill gay people. They kill citizens who convert to Christianity. And...they just might issue a fatwa on Jim's ass for being so darn GQ.

The great thing about GQ’s Editor in Chief, Jim Nelson, is that when he’s not knee deep in Glee photo shoots pedophiles have marked on their calendar, he’s penning pieces that brim with liberal condescension. It’s great fodder for conservative bloggers –especially one’s like me who love it when search engines bring independents my way.

In this month’s issue of GQ, Jim rightly notices that turmoil in the Middle East has suddenly forced “newsreaders” (a euphemism for people who aren’t as cool or intelligent as Jim Nelson) to bone up on that part of the world.

One day it was a normal media universe: newsreaders tossing harmless inanities at each other…And the next thing you knew, or TVs went totally Al Jazeera, with caught-off-guard networks having to report twenty-four-seven on countries most Americans couldn’t point out on a map–again, much like Wisconsin…

Most of the coverage consisted of important-looking Caucasians telling us how significant-feeling everything was…Talking heads talked more headily. And maps! We never saw so many maps!

In many respects, Jim is correct. Our media (overwhelmingly liberal) have done a woeful job educating the citizenry over the past decade about radical Islam. Oddly enough, those few outlets that have tried to get the nation up to speed have been labeled racists, bigots, and fear mongers by the types who hobnob with GQ editors. Only Christopher Hitchens and Bill Maher have had the courage (it pains me to say that) to point out the obvious from the left.

What’s interesting about liberals and their belief that America is teeming with cultural nincompoops is that it’s a non-issue–unless they believe ours outnumber other countries in a significant way. It doesn’t. Someone should ask Jim Nelson how many Yemeni schools have a “Western Civilization Appreciation” course for incoming freshman. Someone should ask Jim if he could then compare that number with the totals on “Islamic Studies” or “Queer Studies” offered in the reddest of “red” states. I’m confident the findings would be…enlightening. Or perhaps Jim could try and hold a Glee photo shoot outside a madrassa and write about the experience (if anyone makes it out with their organs in tact and head attached).

After 9/11, did Middle Eastern media look to do personal profiles on widows (besides those bashing George Bush)? Doubtful. The good folks at Middle East Media Research Institute regularly give us a glimpse into the region’s broadcasting, and it generally involves antisemetic conspiracy theories, Western conspiracy theories, and conspiracy theory hybrids (eco-friendly, of course). America doesn’t need to have “experts” on the Middle East, namely because you don’t need to know much more than:

  • They still stone women…in 2011.
  • They kill you if you convert to Christianity.
  • They kill you if you’re mulling over a conversion to Christianity.
  • They kill you if you’re gay.
  • They kill you if random nuts in Florida burn the Koran.
  • They kill you if (fill in the blank with something innocuous and there’s a good chance you’ll be correct).
  • There is no Yemeni or Pakistani Cookie Monster. (Perhaps they killed him when he ate an imam’s cookies?)

Americans don’t need GRE test-prep on the Middle East. The Middle East needs to learn from us. If Jim Nelson of GQ wants to write a piece for next month, perhaps he should write about the fascinating phenomenon, whereas even American idiots come across as young Einsteins when placed next to your run of the mill madrassa graduates.

See you for that photo shoot in Yemen, Jim. I’m looking forward to the invite.

Best,

Doug

Pakistan Calls for Mark Zuckerberg’s Head. De-Friendings Expected.

Apparently, Pakistan is intent on winning the “Allies” Who Want to Kill You Award. They’re  backing up their “holy war against websites” threats by calling for the head of Mark Zuckerberg:

“Muhammad Azhar Siddique filed an application for a First Information Report (FIR), claiming that the owners of Facebook had committed a heinous and serious crime under Section 295-C of the Pakistan Penal Code. In essence, an FIR launches a criminal investigation. But no charges have been filed.

According to the paper, Section 295-C of the penal code reads: ‘Use of derogatory remark etc, in respect of the Holy Prophet, whoever by words, either spoken or written, or by visible representation, or by any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation, directly or indirectly, defiles the sacred name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) shall be punished with death, or imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable for fine.’

…The site also says that the Deputy Attorney General told the High Court that Pakistan’s United Nations representative has asked to escalate the issue in the UN General Assembly. (emphasis added)

Remember: this is a country that is an “essential” ally in our fight against

Mark Zuckerberg: I'd continue my presentation, but these angry Pakistani guys keep trying to kill me. Can you guys issue a fatwa for someone else's head so I can finish?

worldwide terrorism (or “man-made disasters” if you work in the State Department). However, it might be worth looking into a Plan B when a key ally seems to draft their penal code after the voiceover material provided by jihadi head-chopper snuff videos.  One might conclude that Pakistan’s ruling body isn’t so much against the worldview the permeates terrorist training camps in its ungovernable tribal regions as much as it’s against not controlling when and how insane Islamic radical edicts are doled out.

I’ve written about the Dawn of the Dead nature of a citizenry that goes ballistic over “any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation,” but I can’t help but revisit the topic on a regular basis because a.) Pakistan keeps proving a certified jihad-crazy club card is hidden in its back pocket, and b.) The average American doesn’t know how many billions of dollars we’ve supplied our “allies”.  Allies who only deliver big fish terrorist bottom feeders when their back is against the wall.

It says quite a bit about any culture, country, religion, or political party that would execute people over an insinuation.  The next time your liberal friend tells you that all cultures are the same and need to be embraced, ask them to touch down in Pakistan and break out a collection of South Park videos. If they make it out alive after the feeding frenzy for infidel flesh, ask them if they still feel the same way.  My guess is…they won’t.

Pakistan’s ISI Drinking Jihad Slurpees? You Be the Judge.

I thought I was going to go to bed early tonight, but right when I was going to turn in for the night I found out that another “ISI not-so-secretly smitten with the Taliban” story has popped up:

Insurgent commanders confirmed that the ISI are even represented, as participants or observers, on the Taliban supreme leadership council, known as the Quetta Shura, and the Haqqani command council.

Commanders also described how they received training and medical care in Pakistan. Some said border guards had turned a blind eye to fighters as they crossed back and forth.

Here’s all you really need to know about Pakistan: these are the same guys

Pakistan's ungovernable tribal region: teeming with jihad-friendly clowns that resemble Dawn of the Dead zombies when worked up into a frenzy over Facebook groups, infidel cartoons, and a little thing called...freedom of speech.

who just went bonkers over inconsequential Facebook groups, going so far as to call for holy war against websites… They can’t control their borders, which are teeming with jihadi nut cases that eerily remind me of Dawn of the Dead remake zombies when they get worked up into a frenzy (or if you listen to them talk about how they favor death more than life…), and yet they regularly complain about respecting their “sovereignty.”  Newsflash: If you have zero control over ideological moon-bats with Ottoman Empire-at-any-cost machinations (e.g., blowing up women, children, and anyone else who gets in their way), then you have no sovereignty.

I almost feel bad for the Obama administration. They’re between a rock and a jihadi place.  The United States needs Pakistan’s cooperation, and yet significant portions of the population—and by extension the government and its intelligence apparatus—drinks intellectual Slurpees laced with jihad juice on the way home from work.  However, as I said before, liberals didn’t cut George Bush much slack for the bizarro world he had to deal with, so muted criticism is the best I muster for the current administration.

Before I fall asleep tonight I’m sure I’ll ruminate a bit on what the kids are thinking about all of this.  Those same moral relativist MGMT fans I talked about in an earlier post must find themselves in a conundrum: How can you be non-judgemental about a culture that is openly hostile toward your socialistpeacelove circle of happiness? How do you “live fast and die young” when Pakistani madrassas are churning out jihadi warriors who want to kill you before you pump yourself up with hallucinogens? If alQaeda and Co. at least waited until after the kids dropped some quality acid, their heads would feel as though they were floating away painlessly instead of being chopped off Daniel Pearl dull-knife style (i.e., bringing the hurt).

Moral Relativism mixed with a multi-culturalism, a horrid education system that churns out Sean Penn ignorance, and the me-me-me “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for” mindset is going to kill Western Civilization if we don’t wake up—NOW.

While I have little in common with the Rubik’s Cube headed liberal kids of this generation…I’d still like them to have a head.  Let’s try and reach them before it’s too late.

This kid might be a liberal with a Rubik's Cube head...but I still want him to have a head. Wake up, Western Civilization!

Painting “Mohammed at 1000 Meters” May Cause Holy War: “Dot Heard ‘Round The World.”

It looks as though the Pakistani users of Farmville can rest easy, as Facebook is once again operating lawfully within the country:

LAHORE, Pakistan – Pakistan lifted a ban on Facebook on Monday after officials from the social networking site apologized for a page deemed offensive to Muslims and removed its contents, a top information technology official said…

“In response to our protest, Facebook has tendered their apology and informed us that all the sacrilegious material has been removed from the URL,” said Najibullah Malik, secretary of Pakistan’s information technology ministry, referring to the technical term for a Web page.
Facebook assured the Pakistani government that “nothing of this sort will happen in the future,” Malik said.

Let me translate this for my readers: Facebook has joined a long list of Westerners who subscribe to the dhimmitude way of life. Paging George Ramero…Paging George Romero… we have plenty of fodder for your next social critique using zombies (pick the dhimmis or the extremists).

How can Facebook assure Pakistan “nothing of this sort” will happen again,

Pakistani imams: Those cute little pigs you got going on in Farmville? Yeah, those offend us too. They gotta go. This ain't over, Facebook. Not by a long shot.

when no one knows what will set these nutcases off? These are the same people who threaten to kill cartoonists over material that offends them. These are the same people who have killed movie makers over material that offends them (as Hollywood sits silently by).

If, hypothetically, I started a Facebook Page titled: “I like Tasty, Tasty, pork…and Pakistani Muslims Should Too!” what would happen? Would the mere fact that I suggested they like something that isn’t in accordance with their religion warrant some sort of protest?

What if I started a contest to find out what the minimum threshold needed to cause riots in Pakistan was? In some sense, we need answers to these questions. We need to find the boundaries of what’s acceptable to them. We already know that Mohammed in a Bear Suit (who actually turned out to be Santa Claus) is out of the question. Does that mean “the insinuation that Mohammed was in a Bear Suit” is what’s really out of the question?

Or perhaps I shouldn’t. Things could get out of hand rather quickly:

The Facebook controversy sparked a handful of protests across Pakistan, many by student members of radical Islamic groups. Some of the protesters carried signs advocating holy war against the website for allowing the page.

I would really hate it if a “holy war” started because of little old me. What if WordPress got dragged into it as well for even allowing such ruminations to begin with? Sad, but fascinating…

What if I painted a dot on the horizon titled “Mohammed at 1000 Meters”? Would that inflame imams in the tribal areas of Pakistan? I’m not sure, but I think the psychological profiles we can glean from their reaction would be priceless. I almost think sociologists should pay me for coming up with such a novel idea. When I’m dead (perhaps due to a fatwa placed on me by extremist groups?), I hope I appear in the 32rd edition of whatever sociology book my alma mater, USC, requires.

Instead of “The Shot Heard ‘Round The World” my depiction of Mohammed at 1000 meters will be forever referred to as “The Dot Heard ‘Round The World.”

I suppose that would negate all the good will the President’s muslim outreach garned, huh? Oh, wait…it never really materialized to begin with.

The Kilmeade Doctrine: Unwittingly Dancing with Devils.

Glenn Beck is spot on, and Brian

Brian wants to turn the Constitution into toilet paper to wipe a little shahzad away. Too bad much more might get flushed with it. Stop smiling like Marvel's Mephisto, Brian. You're scaring me.

Kilmeade shows us that he doesn’t even realize he has an incredibly scary side. At a minimum, this is why sports guys are not constitutional lawyers…

Beck: “He’s a citizen of the United States, so I say we uphold the laws and The Constitution on citizens.”

Kilmeade: “He’s a threat to the country, that’s different.”

Beck: “So are a lot of citizens of the country…he has all of the rights under the Constitution.”

Kilmade: “How about he tried to blow up a city block in the last 48 hours?”

Beck: “We don’t shred the Constitution when it is popular. You do the right thing.”

Kilmeade: “If he knows information that can wipe out some of your friends and family, you don’t want that?”

Brian Kilmeade should be ashamed of himself for resorting to purely emotional drivel to try and convince people that it’s okay to suspend the rights granted to US citizens when it’s politically expedient.

But it’s okay, Brian, because Joey Liebs is on board with stripping US citizenship from those who sip from the al Qaeda crazy juice too!

Perhaps I’m wrong, but shouldn’t we just charge inadvertent Islamic Terrorist Candid Camera participant Faisal Shahzad with terrorism and then if convicted…ummm—kill him? Brian Kilmeade’s attempt to portray Glenn Beck as a heartless fool who would rather see his friends and family die instead of getting actionable intelligence out of terrorist is the kind of intellectual bilge Janeane Garofalo would pull. If you watch the video you can almost see the condescension. And that’s sad, because that’s the sort of thing I expect from Keith ““Everyone who disagrees with me is a racist” Olbermann.

I can completely understand the urge to beat the Shahzad out of Shahzad in order to get information that would lead to the arrest of other terrorists and jihad-sympathizing bottom feeders. Perhaps doing so would even result in the apprehension of an Adam Gadahn or two or three…(who, again, I wouldn’t mind being tried for treason and executed if convicted).

However, the long-term threat to the nation by being able to strip US citizens of the rights afforded to them by the Constitution because they’re deemed a terrorist, far outweighs any short-term gains The Kilmeade Doctrine would provide.

We live in a world where the left is itching to tar Tea Party participants terrorists, (i.e., YOU). Because of this, I think it’s time to reflect on the wisdom of Friedrich Hayek:

“The very magnitude of the outrages committed by the National Socialists has strengthened the assurance that a totalitarian system cannot happen here. But let us remember that 15 years ago the possibility of such a thing happening in Germany would have appeared just as fantastic not only to nine-tenths of the Germans themselves, but also to the most hostile foreign observer,” (Hayek, The Road to Serfdom).

If you don’t think the United States could fall victim to the same totalitarian nightmare that has engulfed most of the world throughout its history, you haven’t studied history.  Granted, I think such forces would have one heck of a fight on their hands after having seen the Tea Party activists in action…but it’s still something that is a very real, very plausible threat. I’m not keen on giving a group of Congressmen intent on creating a Nanny State on Moral Relativist Steroids the power to strip anyone of their rights as a US citizen.

I’m sure that some of my regular readers are irate with me right now, but I can’t help it. I look at a world filled with Neal Gabler Moral Relativist Mole Men and I know that when they’re in power, things get dicey. And The Kilmeade Doctrine would only tease out the worst—not just in them—but all men.

Convince me otherwise. I’m open to intelligent arguments.

The Mullah Baradar Pearl Jam Curiosity

The capture of Mullah Baradar in Pakistan is great news for the United States and people who despise jihadi head-choppers everywhere. I’m a little bothered that the numbers “two” and “three” always seem to turn up instead of “ONE”…but perhaps I’m just being impatient. And, while on many levels I wish he would have assumed room temperature like our old friend Al-Zarqawi (who probably died in part because he had no clue how to fire his own weapon), I’m happy that someone, somewhere, is gleaning intelligence from this clown.

But that once again begs the question: How do we get intelligence from him once his laptop and computer treasure trove is empty? Right now he’s in Pakistani custody, so I assume they have their “own ways” of getting people to talk, but what if they were to take a few suggestions from their US counterparts. Are REM, Pearl Jam, Nine Inch Nails, and Rage Against the Machine on the table?

Recently, a number of rock bands from the 90’s were upset that their music was used to annoy murderers who scream “Allah Akbar” as they chop off heads (instead of at the microphone). If I remember correctly, Michael Stipe has a few regrets about penning Shiny Happy People, so why not atone for it by getting under the skin of a terrorist mastermind and moneyman? I suppose I shouldn’t have used the word ‘atone’ because of it’s religious connotation, right Mike?

Why not show a montage of famous “infidels” while playing Pearl Jam’s Alive? Sure, the lyrics of Alive don’t really lend itself to that…but a deeper reading of Eddie Vedder’s lyrical talent would be lost on Mullah Baradar anyway. Perhaps we could even incorporate strobe lights as images of George Bush flashed across a big screen TV. Think about it, Eddie!

The point is, artists and liberal “intellectuals” (defined as anyone who disagrees with conservatives) live in a world where we’re all a big multi-cultural safety circle of “Shiny Happy People.” Guys who actively seek chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons to detonate in downtown Los Angeles, Chicago, or New York should be subjected to Michael Stipe’s worst offerings if the intelligence gathered will save countless American lives. To the CIA I suggest anything after Bill Berry left the group due to a brain aneurism. They haven’t been the same since.

*note* Eddie, if you read this, I already know what your response is going to be: Shut yo mouth… But I’m just talking about Dirty Frank…urrrm, Mullah Baradar.