Dan Slott, Marvel’s giant hypocrite, is Dander Slurden in ‘Slott Club’

Back SOULFINDER: DEMON’S MATCH here.

‘Fantastic Four’ message: America is evil and it’s funny when ‘heroes’ extort the U.S. government

Fantastic Four Rotten TomatoesThere is good news and bad news to report now that Josh Trank’s “Fantastic Four” is in theaters. The good news is that the Johnny Storm race-switch controversy is now officially at the bottom of the list of things to gripe about. The bad news is that the list is extensive.

Perhaps first and foremost is the fact that Doctor Doom is less of a villain than the U.S. government. To make matters worse, writers Simon Kinberg and Jeremy Slate never actually define why the U.S. government is the root of all the world’s evil — it just is. Viewers are asked to blindly accept the premise and then cheer at the end as the “heroes” extort the U.S. government into providing them with their own research facility.

Fantastic Four government
I’m a white guy who works for the U.S. government. Do you know what that means? I’m evil. Don’t trust me.

Over and over again, “Fantastic Four” portrays Dr. Franklin Storm’s (Reg E. Cathey) small group of children prodigies — who hope to unlock the key to interdimensional space travel — as the “good” guys and the U.S. government as a force for evil.

At one point Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell) says that those “in charge” are running the earth “into the ground — so maybe it deserves what’s coming to it” if their experiments go wrong. The fact that they, the scientists assembled by Dr. Storm, are the ones who are reckless and naive is downplayed or ignored.

Take the following interaction between Sue (Kate Mara) and Reed (Miles Teller):

Sue Storm: “It’s amazing you didn’t black out the entire western hemisphere. You basically ripped a hole in the fabric of space-time with un-spec components and no supervision.

Reed Richards: “Yeah, that was an accident.”

Sue Storm: And if by accident you upped the power you could have created a runaway reaction that opened a black hole and swallowed the entire planet.

Reed Richards: Well, I’m glad that didn’t happen.

The writers treat Reed’s “accident” (a power surge that damaged a high school gymnasium) as a “nothing to see here” moment. Likewise, Dr. Baxter brushes off his own son’s reckless behavior and Doom’s cybercrimes during a time where the young man had divorced himself from the team. Even the chain of events that led to their disastrous voyage into another dimension (i.e., Planet Zero) began with a night of drinking. But yet, again, it is the U.S. government that cannot be trusted.

Prior to the group gaining their powers, a monkey is successfully sent to another dimension and then retrieved. When it is then proposed that NASA come in to provide technical expertise and astronauts, Doom reacts in disgust:

Dr. Blake: I won’t deny that what you’ve created here is incredible, but this isn’t the school science fair anymore. We have to bring in help now.

Victor: Why just NASA? Why not the Army? Or the CIA? We can send our political prisoners there. Water boarding in the 4th dimension could prove very effective.

Apparently the U.S. is running the earth “into the ground” because guys like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed — the mastermind of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks — were water boarded. Again, just don’t mention the fact that Reed Richards almost inadvertently killed six billion people.

Fantastic Four Pentagon
I’m another white guy who works for the U.S. government. I have a combat infantry badge. Do you know what that means? It means you REALLY shouldn’t trust me. Listen to the guy named Doom. Doom is the man. Seriously.

After the heroes accidentally receive their powers on Planet Zero, a few of them become “tools” of the U.S. government. The audience is never told exactly what Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell) or Johnny Storm (Michael B. Jordan) are doing (Perhaps taking out members of the Islamic State group as they throw gay people off tall buildings?), but because their missions are for the Pentagon it’s just framed as something bad.

Director Josh Trank eventually leads the team through a showdown with Doom on Planet Zero when it becomes obvious the movie needs to draw to a close. Doom tries to create the same black hole that Reed almost brought into existence as a young scientist, but is stopped by his former peers working together. Soon they’re back on earth, and after Ben growls at a Pentagon official the newly minted Fantastic Four are given their own research facility. One of them even says something along the lines of “You work for us now” — because extortion is heroic if you can throw fireballs from your hands. (The audience is cued for laughter.)

Perhaps the saddest thing about “Fantastic Four” is that moviegoers have an idea of just how good it could have been. They have seen a director like Christopher Nolan take on superhero movies and science fiction. If Fox could have produced a “Dark Knight”-quality “Fantastic Four” film with the artistry of “Interstellar,” then they could have finally done the property justice. Instead, fans got a run-of-the-mill superhero film with a cast that seemed to be going through the motions.

Planet Zero? Try “Planet Zero Chemistry.”

Sure, Josh. Whatever you say. Side note: Mr. Trank's tweet was deleted, most likely when he got a phone call saying that he would never work again if it stayed up much longer.
Sure, Josh. Whatever you say. Side note: Mr. Trank’s tweet was deleted, most likely when he got a phone call saying that he would never work again if it stayed up much longer.

There likely will not be a “Fantastic Four” sequel. If there is, then it’s a shame that Reg E. Cathey’s character was already killed off. He was probably the only character with real screen presence. In short, “Fantastic Four” is a fantastic miss by 21st Century Fox. Wait for it to debut on Netflix and pray that the rights to the characters are soon in the hands of Marvel Studios.

Update: Jeremy Jahn’s has reviewed “Fantastic Four.” He nails it.

Michael B. Jordan promotes Fantastic Four by pulling race card on long-time fans

FF movieMichael B. Jordan is understandably frustrated. The new Fantastic Four movie looks like it will be a fantastic flop — not necessarily due to his efforts — but because it’s likely to be a melancholy and boring iteration of what should be a fun film. It looks like Fox hired the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe to be the cinematographer, and fans know it. In order to salvage some form of respect, Mr. Jordan has pulled out the handy-dandy race card.

The Hollywood actor writes in Entertainment Weekly:

Some people may look at my casting as political correctness or an attempt to meet a racial quota, or as part of the year of “Black Film.” Or they could look at it as a creative choice by the director, Josh Trank, who is in an interracial relationship himself—a reflection of what a modern family looks like today. …

Sometimes you have to be the person who stands up and says, “I’ll be the one to shoulder all this hate. I’ll take the brunt for the next couple of generations.” I put that responsibility on myself. People are always going to see each other in terms of race, but maybe in the future we won’t talk about it as much. Maybe, if I set an example, Hollywood will start considering more people of color in other prominent roles, and maybe we can reach the people who are stuck in the mindset that “it has to be true to the comic book.” Or maybe we have to reach past them.

To the trolls on the Internet, I want to say: Get your head out of the computer. Go outside and walk around. Look at the people walking next to you. Look at your friends’ friends and who they’re interacting with. And just understand this is the world we live in. It’s okay to like it.

Notice what Mr. Jordan does: he essentially lumps all critics into one group. Racists and trolls occupy the same tent as those with legitimate gripes (i.e., fans who want the on-screen Human Torch to match the one who they’ve read about in the comics for decades, and fans who are tired of politically correct pap). Mr. Jordan then tries to turn himself into a cultural martyr sent from Hollywood to save us all.

What group do guys like me fall under, Mr. Jordan? I belong to an interracial family and I generally like the big screen versions of the comic books I read as a kid to be faithful to the source material. I also find it weird to editorially mandate things like gay Iceman and She-Thor when creating new and interesting characters is an option.

Michael B. Jordan would not be writing op-eds like this for entertainment magazines if he thought Fantastic Four was going to be a huge success. One reason why no one cared that Samuel L. Jackson was the big-screen version of Nick Fury in 2008 was a.) because when he was cast he personified “cool,” and b.) Marvel Studios hit a home run with Iron Man.

Michael B. Jordan is not an American icon of cool, and Fox does not look like it will hit a home run with Fantastic Four this August.

As I have said before: it would annoy me if Blade or Rhodey were suddenly turned into white guys, but that’s not good enough to Hollywood actors or politically correct comic book creators. I and many others have to be on board with everything they come up with or be lumped into a category with racists and “trolls.”

The only way to stop this kind of tactic is to push back — hard — every time. If you do not define yourself, then guys like Michael B. Jordan will do it for you. When they pull the race card, you will be labeled a racist or a cultural dinosaur who needs to “go outside” more often.

In short, Fox’s Fantastic Four looks so flawed that the race of Johnny Storm is at the bottom of the list in terms of things to gripe about. The studio needs all the fans it can get at this point, because the buzz on the film seems to be, “Please let this bomb so the rights can go back to Marvel!” Opinion pieces that rely heavily on the race card are not helping Fox in its promotional efforts. If anything, the studio just looks desperate.