Kathy Griffin, with her Ferengi personality (minus the intelligence) isn’t even a “trained monkey” for CNN hosts because you don’t have to train monkeys to fling poo. She’s just sad.

Every so often I have to return to Kathy “Stale Chocolate Easter Bunny” Griffin because others feel the need to give her exposure she doesn’t deserve. While I am in fact contributing to the problem at the moment, I hope that by clarifying a few things about the Bravo network’s personality that just a few more people will refrain from giving her the time of day in the future.

Kathy Griffin, at some point in her life, decided she was going to make a career out of emulating all the worst traits of the Ferengi of Star Trek: The Next Generation. She’s lewd, crude, and unapologetically flaunts her lack of a moral compass. Sadly, there’s enough people who perceive her schtick (although I can’t really call it a “schtick” since I don’t think it’s an act) as rebellious when the reality is…she’s just a loser. One of the things that made the Ferengi interesting was that they were actually intelligent. Kathy Griffin isn’t smart; she’s just willing to say mean things about people on cue, like a trained monkey for CNN reporters like John King and Dana Bash. Although, maybe Kathy isn’t even a trained monkey, since monkeys don’t need training to fling their poo… Sad.

Case in point: Calling Scott Brown’s daughters prostitutes. How much creativity did it take to come up with that? Answer: Zero.  But I don’t begrudge Kathy her success. I think it’s somewhat great that someone who eats intellectual diarrhea and dishes it up to willing customers for a living has found a way to make living out of it.  To take the analogy a step further (and perhaps I shouldn’t), Kathy is like a genetic mutation—a cross between a dung beetle and a monkey that a small subset of the world’s population finds fascinating.

I know you don’t believe in God, Kathy, but God Bless you.  And when you die, have fun explaining how you used your one life trying to get others to adopt your sour disposition.


  1. Kathy’s stand-up act: “I met Sharon Stone at an Amfar banquet, but when I saw her at the New York Film Critics’ Awards, she ignored me. I met Helen Hunt at the Emmy Awards, but when I saw her at the Oscar Awards, she didn’t remember me. I met Britney Spears at the Grammy Awards, but when I saw her in a restaurant in Beverly Hills, she walked past me and didn’t even stop to say hello.”

    Except Kathy somehow drags that three-sentence routine out for almost an hour.

    1. You went into the “Way-back Machine” for this one, Tom. How did you run across this post? 🙂

      I can’t believe you actually had to sit through Kathy Griffin stand-up. I’m not sure I’d be able to do that for longer than a 10 minutes.

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