Janeane Garofalo: Karl Rove’s Disembodied Head Haunts Me At Night.

It's starting to sound as if Janeane Garofalo is haunted by Karl Rove, which is sad because it's bad form to criticize someone who is mentally disturbed.

Where does one go with Janeane Garofalo that hasn’t already been covered? It’s long been established that she’ll defend the indefensible (i.e., weirdly waxed Congressional weiner-pics taken on company time). It’s also known that she likes to play armchair psychiatrist without realizing that she’s the textbook example of “projection.” At this point, taking on Janeane is almost kind of mean.

Allahpundit over at hotair salvages the one interesting thing he can from this story, which is that Janeane Garofalo is so lost that she’s resorting to weird conspiracy theories. There’s a homeless guy who’s well known (locally) right off DC’s Union Station who is also into conspiracy theories. Maybe I’ll be seeing the two of them together soon? The comedian-turned-bitter-conspiracy theorist states:

“But, Herman Cain, I feel like, is being paid by somebody to be involved and to run for president so that you go like ‘I love that, that can’t be racist…And I feel like wouldn’t that suit the purposes of whomever astroturfs these things. Whether that be the Koch brothers or Grover Norquist or any anything. It could even be Karl Rove. ‘Let’s get Herman Cain involved so it deflects the obvious racism of our Republican party…'”

How sad is it that Janeane can’t get Karl Rove off her mind, years after he’s been out of the limelight? You almost get the feeling that she’s haunted by visions of his disembodied head, whispering his secret plans into her ears before she goes to sleep. I suppose it’s a bit of a faux pas to quote myself, but in this case I’ll do it anyway (Janeane would call me a narcissist, but if that were the case I probably wouldn’t admit to the faux pas to begin with):

Smart conservatives know that to dismiss liberalism as “a mental disorder” is to set the conservative movement up for failure. The left has incredibly sharp minds at work promoting an ideology that should not be taken lightly.

Just as I give my ideological opponents credit for having a worldview that should be taken seriously, smart liberals know that there is plenty of intellectual heft behind conservatism. That Garofalo doesn’t admit as much indicates she’s either incredibly myopic, stupid, or sick (or perhaps all three?). Lately, I’m beginning to think the answer lies behind door number three, which is why I haven’t been writing on her as much. The material is there, but there are only so many ways you can cover the same car crash.

Get well, Janeane. One way you can start the process would be to stop hanging out with Keith Olbermann…

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Janeane Garofalo: Weirdly Waxed Weiner Pic Fallout GOP’s Fault.

Janeane Garofalo blames "hypocrite Republicans" for the Anthony Weiner story. The liberal guy who honored his marriage vows by waxing his body and sending sexually explicit pictures to strangers when his wife wasn't looking? Not so much. It's amazing what liberal feminists are cool with these days if you have the right letter next to your name.

It wasn’t too long ago that Janeane Garofalo was calling conservatism a “mental disorder.” Along comes a liberalism’s Anthony Weiner, who plans to get psychiatric help for whatever compels him to expose himself to online strangers, and whose fault is it? Republicans, of course! Someone needs to ask Janeane Garofalo what kind of liberal sex scandal would change her opinion of the man.

At what point did liberal feminists start supporting men who honor their wives by engaging in online sexual perversions with Las Vegas Blackjack dealers?

Janeane Garofalo: [There is a] distraction that’s created [by] media that is overly-obsessed with this stuff than doing their job.

Bill Maher: I want him to stay too, but I can not look at him now—whatever he is saying: “Medicare for all” — I’ve seen your d**k.

Janeane Garofalo: That’s not his fault! That’s not his fault! And you actually haven’t technically seen his…

Bill Maher: Oh yes we have.

Janeane Garofalo: It was in his underwear, right?

Bill Maher: No. No. The one THIS week.

Janeane Garofalo: Either way, that doesn’t…if the media and the hypocrite Republicans didn’t keep this going, pretending the American people wanted it, it wouldn’t be something you had to discuss.

Got that? Anthony Weiner (married man, mind you), has been following women on Twitter and social media platforms for the last six years. He sends them sexually explicit messages. He forwards them pictures of his weirdly-waxed naked body. He lies about it to his friends, family, his inner circle, and the media for a week. He tries to destroy the reputation of those who—accurately—reported on the story, and yet Janeane blames Republicans.

What Janeane is really trying to say is, if Andrew Breitbart didn’t exist the liberal media would have never picked up on the story, it wouldn’t have *cough* exploded, and the world would be a better place. After all, who cares about a Congressman who sends sexually explicit material from his office, or sets himself up for extortion and bribery with online strangers? Who cares about a Congressman who is willing to have his supporters attempt to destroy another man’s reputation (i.e. ,Breitbart), to cover up for his lies? Why do that when there are boxes of mundane Sarah Palin emails to rummage through?

How’s a washed-up comedian make a living? Easy: Become an apologist for the worst behavior your side of the political spectrum has to offer. There’s always a market selling denial to partisan hacks. Watch Real Time for a few weeks. I only catch clips to see the audience hoot and holler with Pavlovian certainty when Maher throws them a liberal Scooby Snack (I don’t have time to go to the zoo).

Behold: The kind of married Congressman Janeane Garafalo and liberal feminists will defend to the death if they have a ‘D’ next to their name. *WARNING, explicit content*

Garafalo: I’m like Churchill…If He Was a Whiner and a Quitter.

Janeane Garofalo refuses to go away. It really doesn’t matter how many times she’s given the Magnum PI treatment, because liberal media outlets will keep anyone with a modicum of “celebrity” status on career life support if they’re willing to spew partisan spittle on cue:

AVC Interviewer: Do you feel like you’ve become better known for the non-funny things you say about politics than for your comedy?

Garafalo: I don’t know. I don’t know how well known, really, I am at all at this point. And I’m not saying that as a “poor me” thing. I’m just saying, you know, I have no web presence, and I don’t know that there’s many people who really do know me that much anymore…

Janeane is partially right. Most people today don’t really know

Janeane Garafalo feels as though she's a "statesmen." She's kind of like Winston Churchill...if he was a perpetual whiner and a quitter.

her for any sort of cinematic or comedic flashes of brilliance, but for her Pavlovian partisan yip yaps at the behest of producers and editors hoping to snag the lowest common denominator of liberal true believers.  Case in point:

AVC Interviewer: …I suppose the presence of minorities in [Tea Party] videos and such is their way of showing that they aren’t racist.

Garofalo: And I would say those people suffer from Stockholm syndrome.

In Garafalo’s mind, people who disagree with her don’t do so because they have legitimate public policy alternatives that might be more beneficial to the country’s long term economic health—they have Stockholm Syndrome! And in Garafalo’s mind, if it gets under your skin listening to someone with no discernible qualifications to offer public policy pronouncements (other than a bottomless quiver of flimsy intellectual arrows), it’s because you’re a misogynist:

Garofalo: The teabagger thing and the right-wing thing—they pick easy targets, and a female in the entertainment industry is low-hanging fruit. It’s very easy to mock and marginalize people in general who are in the entertainment industry, for some reason. But then definitely there’s the double standard and the misogyny that goes through it as well. They’ve got no problem with Will Ferrell or Alec Baldwin or Viggo Mortensen, but they tend to take issue when a female says something.

Actually, Janeane, I’ve mentioned the Funny or Die Liberalism of Will Ferrell before, but he gets less attention because he’s not on Keith Olbermann’s rolodex of reliable liberal guest appearances.  And perhaps that’s because, unlike you, he still has the ability to make people laugh:

AVC Interviewer: How do you deal with situations like what happened at last year’s Latitude Festival while staying sober? [After a poor reception from the audience, Garofalo left the stage 10 minutes into her set. —ed.]

Garafolo: It’s terrible! It’s honestly mortifying. It’s just personal failure. I’ve no one but myself to blame. There is no way around that. I failed, and it wouldn’t have helped to be drinking. Or maybe it actually would have, if I drank beforehand. I might have been like, “Oh, I can do this.” I might have had false confidence…And I am very sorry about it, and I wish that did not happen. I wish that I had had the confidence to do it, and been more mature, and powered through my sense of dread.

I find it interesting that the same person who bailed ten minutes into her failing gig also applied that same mindset to the Iraq War not too long ago…and yet, she’s still perfectly at ease referring to herself as a “statesman”:

AVC Interviewer: There’ s a whole younger generation now that’s been raised on and inspired by your comedy. Do you get that sense that you’ve become an elder statesman? Do you recognize your own impact?

Garafalo: I definitely get the sense that I’m an elder statesman, but I don’t know if there’s an impact—and I’m not saying that in a naïve way. I don’t know. I think anybody who’s been doing it for 25 years is going to be considered an elder statesman. But I don’t know if I’ve impacted anyone.

The last time I checked, most people who are elevated to the level of a “statesman” are also recognized as having some sort of influence over how events unfolded during their tenure. One might say that in this instance Janeane was simply being humble, but I think deep down she knows that she’s a contributor to chattering class white noise and little else. She wants to be considered a statesman of…something…in some field, but the same person who burst on the scene with Ben Stiller has more in common in terms of career-trajectory with liberal guys like Andy Dick. And what do liberal artists turn to when their career heads south? Political pot shots at conservatives. There’s always an opportunity to make waves as long as the ladies of The View and liberal media outlets exist. They’ll give anyone a shot at resuscitating their career if they’ll liken conservatives to dim-witted, racist, homophobic, bigoted boobs. The problems liberals are facing now are little things like the internet, talk radio, social media platforms, and emerging technologies that allow the rest of us to point out how bitter, sad, angry and (most importantly) wrong people like Janeane are.

Janeane Garafalo: a “statesman” in the vein of Winston Churchill…if Winston Churchill was a whiner and a quitter.

Winston Churchill: “We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.”

Garafalo: “…Teabaggers.”

You rock, Janeane!

Barack “Urkel” Obama: “Did I do that?”

Hotair’s Allahpundit makes a deft analogy for Congress and its new “I meant to do that” model of bill making, whereas all the unintended consequences that come as a result of this health care

Barack Urkel Obama: "Did I do that?" Note: This caption is racist to Janeane Garofalo. Apparently, because I wrote it.

mish-mash cluster fudge will be explained away in Harry Reid double-speak (e.g., the Cornhusker Kickback was a good thing for the American people). However, I can’t help but shake the feeling that someone’s been reading this blog…(March 27 to be exact.) Hmmm. Regardless, well played good sir, well played indeed.

With that said, I don’t think it matters how much Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi try and spin things, because in the end President Urkel will be left saying to the American people: Did I do that?”

I don’t have time to go through the whole laundry list of side effects this bill will burden generations with that have already been chronicled by The Heritage Foundation and other fine education and research institutions. It doesn’t take much more than a gut instinct on this one to realize we’re on a one-way ticket to hell and back (the “back” part only if you stay motivated through November). The point is: there will be more surprises. I was in a briefing today with a guy who can safely claim to know what he’s talking about when he’s talking health care reform, and I think it’s a good bet that already dismal polling for the administration is going to get worse. Much worse. In fact, if we’re going to stick with the Pee Wee’s Big Adventure analogies I’d say it’s going to get evil clown bad for the President. And it’s going to sound like a garbage truck falling off the Empire State building.

But for now, I interrupt this blog for a Public Service Announcement by Pee Wee Herman. One the President should have listened to in his youth. Think I’m lying? Think again. I wouldn’t make such a big deal out of it, but for years comedians (some of them very funny, like Chappelle) made Bush-druggie jokes:

“I’d never vote for George Bush Jr…The only thing I know about George Bush Jr. is that guy sniffed cocaine. We can not have that sh*t in the white house. That might be fine for a mayor…but not the White House. We can’t have no coke head President. He be selling nuclear secrets for twenty, thirty dollars. Come on, sign the treaty baby! I’ll suck your…”

But alas, I digress. Back to the topic at hand—the health care boondoggle. When liberals are so desperate and sloppy that they’ve started advertising their campaigns to say racist things and blame it on conservatives, you know they’re in trouble. This is very much a bill that can be rolled back—if we believe it! (Just listen to the rhythm of your heart) Or, if you’re a liberal like Bill Maher or Billie Joe Armstrong, lean back and have someone pass you the nearest gravity bong.

It's going to get "Evil Clown" bad for the Democrats, which under normal circumstances would really freak me out since I hate clowns. Thanks a lot, Harry Reid.

Janeane Garofalo Given Magnum PI Treatment

Janeane Garofalo and Rosie O’Donnell recently discussed Elizabeth Hasselbeck, calling her “anti-intellectual.” I’m not going to defend Elizabeth on this one because I do have to question the faculties of anyone who would willingly choose to sit next to Joy Behar on a daily basis. And I don’t want to comment on Rosie O’Donnell at length because she makes public policy arguments in haiku…so there’s really not much else I need to say.

However, I do have to wonder: What makes Janeane Garofalo an “intellectual”? Why should anyone listen to “The Bowler” from Mystery Men? Why should anyone listen to “The Wench” from Cable Guy? It’s interesting how strong the correlation is between how bitter and angry a liberal Hollywood actor is and how seriously they’re taken by other liberal cable news anchors. But here’s the little secret that Janeane doesn’t want you to know: If she says “neo-con” enough times (even though she has no clue what that means) her fellow faux-intellectuals will welcome her into the club (e.g., Keith Olbermann).

Janeane tells Rosie that conservatives operate on “false premises”, which is weird since conservatives are the ones who acknowledge that man is fallible–that the “warped timbre of humanity” is a given. Conservatives believe that free markets can harness man’s inherent self-interest and redirect or steer those impulses in ways that benefit society. Liberals, like Janeane, call people dumb racist rednecks, while asserting that only the “intellectuals” (i.e., liberals) like her can save us.

I think Tom Selleck put it aptly when he intellectually took down Rosie O’Donnell Magnum PI style:

It’s an act of moral vanity to assume that someone who disagrees with your political agenda to solve our problems cares any less…”

Ms. Garofalo and O’Donnell don’t get conservatism because the moral pedestal they built is too high to step off without getting hurt. When coupled with the moral relativism favored by the left the result is that Bush = Hitler and Teaparty = Racists. Hollywood dolts are so busy demonizing anyone who disagrees with them that they can’t see a real threat when weapons grade enriched uranium falls from its mouth during the weekly kill-all-the-Jews speech.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have the Magnum PI intro to watch.