Ashton Kutcher’s ‘Teen Choice Awards’ speech: Wisdom dished out to kids who needed it

Ashton Kutcher Teen Choice Awards

When I was in middle school, an older boy I respected pulled me aside and said the following: “Be yourself when you start high school. There are a lot of fake people who want you to be fake with them. Don’t listen to what they say. Do you own thing and in the long run it will pay off.”

“Scott” will never know how much his words affected me, but the wisdom he passed on resonated throughout my entire life. In a similar manner, I believe Ashton Kutcher’s “Teen Choice Awards” speech will yield positive results for years to come. There are many kids who look up to him, and sometime in the future they will sit back and reflect on what he said. In their quiet moments many of them will take to heart what he said about hard work, intelligence and generosity and it will help to properly align their moral compass. It’s rare for a Hollywood celebrity to use their time in front of the camera to string together so many truths in ways specifically geared towards kids, but Ashton (or should we now say “Chris”?) did it. For that, I salute him.

Ashton Kutcher, like all of us, is not perfect. I have some serious disagreements with some of his past behavior. But on that night, to that audience, he was pitch perfect.

Here’s just a bit of what he had to say:

“I believe that opportunity looks a lot like work … I never had a job in my life that I was better than. I was always just lucky to have a job. Every job I had was a stepping stone to my next job and I never quit my job before I had my next job. … “The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful and being generous. Everything else is crap. I promise you. It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don’t buy it. Be smart. Be thoughtful and be generous.”

If you haven’t seen his speech, I suggest watching it in its entirety:

Ben Bernanke Thinks He’s Ashton Kutcher. He’s Really a Japanese Zombie.

The New York Times and Ben Bernanke both want you to know that the reason why the economy is growing at an anemic 2% rate is because of—wait for it—the earthquake in Japan! What about all those predictions of 4% growth, you ask? What about the Keynesian explosion about job-awesomeness we were promised with hundreds of billions of stimulus? If you believe in the Butterfly Effect (or the Ashton Kutcher movie by the same name that no one saw because Ashton Kutcher was in it), perhaps a little insect sat on a fault line on the coast of Honshu, Japan, caused an earthquake, there were supply disruptions, and now we’re alluding to the possibility of a double-dip recession! The Times explains:

Few economists are predicting an out-and-out return to recession, but the risk has increased, with the health of the American economy depending in part on what is really “transitory.”

During the first press conference in the central bank’s history two months ago, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke used the word to describe factors — including supply chain disruptions after the earthquake and tsunami in Japan and rising oil prices — that were restraining economic growth in the first half of the year (emphasis added).

Earlier this week, Mr. Bernanke confessed that “some of these headwinds may be stronger and more persistent than we thought,” adding, “we don’t have a precise read on why this slower pace of growth is persisting.”

You “don’t have a precise read,” Ben? I think you do. And so do other economists:

[T]he unexpected shocks from Japan and the Middle East in the first half of the year go only partway toward explaining the deceleration. Many worries remain: housing prices have continued to fall, hiring is weak, wages are flat, growth in emerging economies like China and India is slowing and the debt crisis in Europe could have ripple effects.

Our troubles are certainly linked to Japan, only not in the way that Mr. Bernanke wants to admit. It isn’t the Japanese earthquake that caused our problems, but the Japanese solution to financial problems (i.e., liberalism) I wrote about in October:

In short, most of Japan’s prolonged economic woes stem from…the kind of “stimulus” programs liberals (and bizarrely, some Republicans) embrace no matter how unremarkable—and often counter productive—the track record at home or abroad.

Japan has turned into a nation of liberal zombies. Amazingly, guys like Joe Biden and Harry Reid keep proving that once you’re bitten by Keynesian undead it’s incredibly difficult to come back to reality.

If only more people watched F.A. Hayek in the Fight of Century instead of Ben Bernanke playing Ashton Kutcher, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

The government’s long been in bed
with those Wall Street execs and the firms that they’ve bled.
Capitalism is about profit and loss.
You bail out the losers there is no end to the cost.
The lesson I’ve learned is how little we know.
The world is complex, not some circular flow.
The economy is not a class you master in college,
to think otherwise is the pretense of knowledge.

People aren’t chess men you move on a board
at your whim, their dreams and desires ignored.
With political incentives, discretion’s a joke.
Those dials are twisting; just mirrors and smoke.
We need stable rules and real market prices
so prosperity emerges and cuts short the crisis.
Give us a chance so we can discover
the most valuable ways to serve one another.

Ashton Kutcher: Hollywood Liberal Makes the Case for Conservatism.

Every time liberal Ashton Kutcher opens his mouth he inadvertently makes the case for conservatism. Thanks for making my job easy, Ashton. It's times like this I'm glad you're famous for being famous.

Has outspoken liberal Ashton Kutcher been secretly reading The Heritage Foundation’s research on the importance of missile defense and the fallout from an EMP attack? Has some of the self-reliance and rugged individualism of Sarah Palin crept into his brain? The guy who’s famous for being famous is suddenly not so sure the federal government can protect him in the lurch:

The movie star and producer…fears a major U.S. energy meltdown is nigh and he’s trying to get super fit so he can deal with the chaos that will follow a blackout or worse.

Kutcher discovered combat training Krav Maga last year… and he insists he’s committed to his extreme workouts, so he can dominate in desperate times.

The 32 year old tells Men’s Fitness magazine, “It will not take much for people to hit the panic button. The amount of convenience that people rely on based on electricity alone. You start taking out electricity and satellites, and people are going to lose their noodle.

“And people are going to go, ‘That land’s not yours, prove that it’s yours,’ and the only thing you have to prove it’s yours is on an electronic file…

And he admits he tasted what life could be like after a major national or international calamity when he, Moore and her kids were left without power for 14 hours at their mountain cabin last Christmas.

He adds, “I got my guns out. We made a fire. We went to the grocery store… People were rolling in and out, clearing out all the shelves… It was like a preview.”

Ashton Kutcher’s politics are almost as convoluted as an Ashton Kutcher movie. In one fell swoop Barack Obama’s Russian-diplomat extraordinaire makes the conservative case for self reliance, the need for a strong national defense, private property rights, and The Second Amendment!  Conservative spokesmen everywhere should send him a thank you note and some canned goods for the apocalypse (Just make sure the tuna has a Dolphin Safe label or he’ll starve to death).


Ashton Kutcher Russian Diplomacy Crumbles. Abs Hold Strong.

Newsweek is worried about Russia’s increasing urge to go retro and convert itself into Thugish Police State Spectacular. I guess I should be happy that they’re even acknowledging the truth, but I can’t show too much hope in them with follow ups like this:

Videos of police beating demonstrators, pulling their hair, and punching women in the face have caused an uproar on the Russian Web and the most strongly worded protest from the White House in years—all roundly ignored by the Kremlin. Instead, it is systematically (and with the full support of Medvedev, apparently) rebuilding the foundations of a police state.

Did you want to see the “most strongly worded protest from the White House in years”? BEHOLD, a taste of rhetorical lightening hurtled across the digital oceans at the Russian leadership:

When the United Nations or The United States says it's "concerned" you better look out. Nothing says, "I mean business" like I'm "concerned."

If Newsweek considers “The United States is concerned” the equivalent of lexical blunt-force trauma, and then wonders why the world considers the current administration a tepid mess they can push around, they have even more problems than I thought.

However, what really shocks me is that Ashton Kutcher’s diplomatic efforts have failed so miserably! Not too long ago he was swilling vodka and closing the digital freedom divide with the Russians in between vacations in which Twit Pics of his wife’s bikini clad butt were a priority. How did this all happen? Well, considering that Ashton Kutcher is the type of guy who doesn’t understand that drilling for oil is necessary when oil represents 40 percent of energy consumption, the puzzle shouldn’t be too hard to piece together.  Having an administration that assembles delegations of Hollywood beta males with a penchant for cute hats is also rather telling.

If I portray a spy in my movies and wear cute little hats that frame my face really well, I'll have the confidence to lecture you on foreign and domestic policy.

Dear Ashton,

Congratulations on your movie, Killers.  It almost eked out 50 million domestically, which means you get to prance around possibly “punking” people for years to come, mug for us in camera commercials, and have people ask you all sorts of public policy questions—as if you’re an expert in any number of given fields unrelated to showing off your abs. I look forward to your observations over the new START treaty. And if you decide foreign policy isn’t your thing, it appears as though you’ll have a chance to talk immigration real soon.




Butterfly Effect Actor: Chaos Theory Meets Ashtonian Idiocy.

Ashton Kutcher: Hard data? What's that? Pay attention to my bow tie and vapid partisan pot shots that will convince Keith Olbermann I'm a "serious" thinker.

When Ashton Kutcher isn’t practicing his diplomatic baboon calls in an attempt to make Russians adopt his man-boy worldview, he’s blaming Republicans for environmental disasters.

“If you can go back to the Republican National Drill…and look the guys in the eyes who were saying ‘Drill! Drill! Drill!’ at the Republican National Convention—those guys—there you go! That’s what you got!”

As I mentioned before, I think it’s interesting that the guys who claim to be all about science and technology want to simply stop everything and call it quits in the face of adversity (even though oil represents 40 percent of our energy consumption).

Ever wonder what percentage wind and solar make up after decades of subsidies? Try 3 percent, Ashton.

Actually, the truth of the matter isn’t that Aston doesn’t care about science. The truth is this: he has money to ride out the wait in style if a Rosie O’Donnel and Woody Allen Daydream Dictator is ever able to halt oil production tomorrow.  Even if it took decades.  Just like all liberal celebrities, once they make their millions they’re perfectly fine telling you to live in the dark, pick head lice off your friend, and return to the lush green-wooded yesteryear. No thanks, Ashton (intertribal rape and infanticide were never that appealing).

How much oil does Ashton use jetsetting around the globe? Or “Punking” people? I’m reasonably sure that there’s been days where the oil needed to make a memorable “Ashton Kutcher Vacation” was more than I’ll consume in an entire lifetime. Think about the pollution caused making and promoting Dude, Where’s My Car? What a jerk.

Hey Ashton, remember that movie you did that no one saw called The Butterfly Effect? Well, it’s sort of true. The only problem is, you’re proud pronouncements of public policy idiocy are touching young impressionable minds. I suggest retiring to one of your many mansions (that I’m sure have thermostats set just to your liking), and thinking about what a hypocrite you are. Put one of your private jets on autopilot when you’re on a press junket and fly it into the ocean—maybe that will plug the gusher.

PS: Is that Russian outreach paying dividends yet? Didn’t think so.

Update: I am SO kicking myself for having forgotten about this…

No one saw The Butterfly Effect, but Kutcher's winged ignorance can be felt from miles away.

Ashton Kutcher, Diplomat with Baboon Call Mad Skills.

How is a blogger supposed to go to bed when news breaks that Ashton Kutcher is putting on his wacky diplomat hat and hanging with vodka swilling KGB geriatrics?

Apparently the guy who tweets about his bowel movements is going to educate the Russians on how new technology can bring us closer together. I suppose this is an extension of the Obama administration’s Reset Button Diplomacy, whereas the guys who killed Alexander Litvinenko with radioactive isotopes are supposed to be wowed by the creator of Punk’d. The truth: When Russians “Punk” you, then you wind up dead in your apartment with bullet holes in your chest. Just ask Anna Politkovskaya. Oh, wait…she’s dead.

What is it with Hollywood? They pledge allegiance to Barack Obama and suddenly they think they can go toe to toe with a guy who’s killing tigers when he gets tired of having humans whacked for asking too many questions? Good Lord.

Please Ashton, just stick to crossing your legs on Ellen’s couch while making baboon calls for women my mom’s age.

Update: Butterfly Effect Actor: Chaos Theory Meets Ashtonian Idiocy.