Attack of the Lizz Winstead Drones

Note to self: If you want to stir up a bees nest of angry feminists, postulating on the psychological profile of a Planned Parenthood advocate (using public statements readily available to anyone with Internet access), is the way to go. Like the life of the honey badger, future conflict is inevitable.

The drones of any good insect colony dutifully attack when the queen is threatened; Lizz’s did just that. It reminded me of a night years ago in Fort Benning, GA, when I spent an entire sleepless night getting chomped on by fire ants—simultaneously amusing and annoying, but ultimately something that would not prevent the overall mission from being completed. I didn’t hate those little guys, just like I don’t hate Lizz’s drones, but I have no problem properly disposing of either nuisance.

In the span of 24 hours I’ve had roughly 2000 liberal feminists and their friends read my piece on the co-creator of the Jon Stewart show. I’ve also been called a “turd” by a juggalo on Twitter, although I didn’t have the heart to directly remind him that as much as I wish he’d be the face of Planned Parenthood, he’s not…he’s just a juggalo.

The comments I’ve received have been indicative of what conservatives can expect when they strike a nerve: blind rage, distortions and pseudo-intellectual gibberish. I will address them one-by-one.

Blind Rage: “I want to boil his nuts in Aunt Trudy’s cast-iron chicken pot and set a match to his wiener until it explodes like a cigar.”

This one is somewhat understandable, given the sisterly bond the writer shares with Winstead. What is most interesting, however, is the liberal feminist’s instinctual reaction to conjure up visions of penis-mutilation. The inner rage and hate that bubbles up from them at a moment’s notice is reminiscent of characters brought to life by “Emperor George Lucas.” Remember: anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the Dark Side. But that’s okay ladies, because I can take your hate. Give me your hate. It dissipates into an invisible mist as it nears me; the love of the things I “bitterly cling” to (God, family and country) burns white hot, like the barrel of a S.A.W.

Distortions: You don’t believe abortions should be legal. Or available to women at all. … [Your] opinion doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need your permission, or your approval. I’m certain she doesn’t give a s**t.

Not once in my piece did I mention my preferences for U.S. public policy on abortion. Faced with someone who doesn’t fit into the wacky-religious stereotype, the drones are incapable of adapting to their new adversary and continue to act as if the conditions on the ground match what they were told in the deployment briefing. In regards to Lizz not giving a “s**t”, again we have a case of cognitive dissonance producing pure entertainment. The internal monologue goes: “Lizz doesn’t give a s**t, yet she tweeted out the story to all her followers. Does. Not. Compute. Error code. Resort to default: Doesn’t give a sh**t.”

Pseudo-intellectual gibberish: “It just reeks of unexamined male privilege. You can’t even conceive how a woman might see being a parent as a chore, even while suggesting that she’ll be the primary childraiser. It’s your blindness which marked you as a male, not your opinion on abortion.”

When I was at USC years ago I was tasked with reading a piece by Peggy McIntosh called White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack. The message for guys like me: You’re white. You’re racist. You don’t even know it. They system is rigged in your favor and will always be that way.

I then went to a presentation during Black History Month and asked one of the speakers what I could do to combat racism, since he referenced “White Privilege.” Answer: Nothing. I was told I would always be “subconsciously racist.” How convenient. The guy who had plenty of black and Hispanic “battle buddies” he’d gladly die for in the military was subconsciously racist, which would also allow said Black History Month speaker to collect checks for the rest of his life.

Fast forward to yesterday, where it turns out Planned Parenthood’s drones are capable of passing Gender Studies 101. Like “white privilege,” “male privilege” is a great way to end the debate. If you agree with the premise, you’ve already lost.

My advice for conservatives who come into contact with the drones is to kill them with kindness. Smile. Get that glint in the eye that Mark Steyn has when he drops intellectual atom bombs on his opponents. Show them that you love life, and they will usually let you know what they think about death:

“There is a direct correlation between the Roe v Wade judgment and crime percentages. Approximately 18 years post Roe v Wade the national crime average started going down. There seems to be no other major influencer besides that to attribute this to. A lot of people disagree with that. Although this is not conclusive – one cannot argue that this is inconsequential to the equation, in my opinion.”

Great point there. Nothing like promoting abortion based on the selling point that it results in lower crime rates. I don’t think I need to explain why that’s not a winner at the ballot box. Here’s a clue: Margaret Sanger.

Now, for you honey badgers, go find yourself a bees nest to upset. I have a favorite clip of Mark Steyn I’d like to watch for the 100th time.