The Department of Education is "troubled" by the success of home schooling families. Their standards are higher than national standards, which can only mean one thing: they must be controlled. As a nation, we need to be equally mediocre.

In what is bound to be the talk of the town in the coming months, prominent liberals have decided to target homeschooling. Long viewed by conservatives as an alternative to failing schools, a new philosophy has taken shape on the left: homeschooling is discriminatory. The logic goes as follows:

  • Homeschoolers tend to come from intact families. Low income areas have higher rates of divorce and single-parent homes.
  • Homeschooling families cite religion as an important part of their life, and report regular church attendance at higher rates than families that attend public schools.
  • The homeschooling community could generally be painted on a national portrait with one color—white.

What does all of this have to do with Education reform? Dennis Van Roekel of the National Education Association weighs in:

School choice, homeschooling, and a number of other conservative “solutions” to education reform have proven track records of success. But at what price? The improved test scores overwhelmingly benefit a white crowd. We did away with “separate but equal” years ago, but the homeschooling community doesn’t seem to have received the memo. We’re all in this together—or at least we should be—and that includes the growing pains involved with improving public education.  There’s a dark underbelly to all those improved tests scores and college degrees touted by homeschooling advocates. Let’s just word it this way: they get an A for effort when it comes to hidden racial agendas.

The United States’ Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan, would not go as far, only willing to go on record as “troubled” and “concerned” about reports of homeschooling success. Likewise, he indicated that a “special task force” would be put together to look into the “disturbing” trend among the American population to advocate for a return to federalism when it comes to education reform.

Perhaps Illinois Senator Dick Durbin put it best for proud liberals everywhere:

These homeschoolers oppose national standards. Why? Because they want to hold their children to higher standards than everyone else. Long story short—unacceptable. Washington should determine that sort of thing, even if it means we’re all equally mediocre. The last thing this country needs is a class of self-motivated scholars thinking they’re better than the rest of us.

It’s unclear if the Obama administration will take up liberalism’s newest battle cry, but if it does one thing is certain: they’ll lead from behind.

Editor’s Note: This post brought to you by The Administrative State, with special thanks given to the United States Department of Satire.


  1. Mr. Ernst. I would very much appreciate it if you could provide a media source for the Durbin and Van Roekel quotes?

  2. C.Downs: Did you read the editor’s note? “Editor’s Note: This post brought to you by The Administrative State, with special thanks given to the United States Department of Satire.”

    The post was also tagged as satire.

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