Maureen Dowd Stuck in High School as Adults Pass Her By.

No one is "mean" to Maureen. She opened her head-locker long ago, wrapped the sweaty gym shorts of liberalism around her brain, and weird things started fomenting in there. Like Bill Maher, John Cusack, Joy Behar, Kathy Griffin, and a whole host of other liberals, they're just angry people.

One of the reasons why I usually write about how conservatism relates to culture is because when you write too much on politics it’s easy to devolve into a whiney little kid arguing in the sandbox. Cut to the back and forth between Maureen Dowd and Dana Perino:

As the politicians droned on and my Irish skin turned toasty brown, I worried that Governor Brewer might make a citizen’s arrest and I would have to run for my life across the desert. She has, after all, declared open season on anyone with a suspicious skin tone in her state.

We are in the era of Republican Mean Girls, grown-up versions of those teenage tormentors who would steal your boyfriend, spray-paint your locker and, just for good measure, spread rumors that you were pregnant.

Dana’s response is rather funny, but again, she might as well say that Washington, DC insiders are still passing notes and gossiping about each other like they were still in high school:

One night her name came up at a dinner attended by members of both parties. Someone told a story about how at a past dinner she’d been a guest and had been droning on and on in a catty way and that one of the men at the table wrote on a cocktail napkin and passed it to another. It said, “What happened to her?” Sigh. Who the heck knows?

No one is “mean” to Maureen. She opened her head-locker long ago, wrapped the sweaty gym shorts of liberalism around her brain, and weird things started fomenting in there. Like Bill Maher, John Cusack, Joy Behar, Kathy Griffin, and a whole host of other liberals, they’re just angry people.

Conservatives just need to stay positive. Particularly, like the Andrew W.K. Conservatives I described in a recent blog post.  If an opponent is a jerk, “staying positive” doesn’t mean you can’t fight back, either.  Think of it like this:  if your message is a saturation bombing run of awesome comebacks it’s going to look really cool to a lot of people. However, regular people don’t like to hang out on an open battlefield, particularly one where gobs of firepower are used for middling adversaries.

Maureen Dowd could be taken out with a verbal sniper round (I italicized ‘verbal’ since Arianna Huffington has an itchy trigger finger when it comes to accusing conservatives of encouraging violence.  Sorry liberals, but I can’t help but use analogies influenced by my military past).

The point is, it’s easy to intellectually dispatch these rodeo clowns and move on.  The American people need answers right now, and we need to provide them.  The New York Times is concerned that the Tea Party is doing just that.

The Tea Party is a thoroughly modern movement, organizing on Twitter and Facebook to become the most dynamic force of the midterm elections.  But when it comes to ideology, it has reached back to dusty bookshelves for long-dormant ideas.

Dormant ideas?  I suppose basic economics has been lost on liberals for years, but for many conservatives they certainly haven’t been “dormant.” It’s just harder to shoot the messenger when the messenger is The Constitution, The Founding Fathers, and some of history’s most brilliant economists. Liberals have always been able to demonize their conservative opponents, but it’s trickier when to do so puts you at risk of coming out against the nation’s founding.  Liberals would mirror the Tea Party’s brilliant strategy, but it’s hard when you view the Constitution as a “living document” that means whatever it is you say it means…

Let’s put them into complete freak-out mode by making a classical education on the issues a long term commitment.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pray to Aqua Buddha.

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George Lucas Exposed as The Real Palpatine: Maureen Dowd Silent

Please buy my new Jar Jar Binks Toys. Meesa say, "It's amazing!" Oh, and don't pay any attention to Gary Kurtz. He's lying.

Do you remember when George Lucas told Maureen Dowd that Dick Cheney is Emperor Palpatine and George Bush is Darth Vadar?  I do:

Lucas explained politely as I listened contritely. Anakin Skywalker is a promising young man who is turned to the dark side by an older politician and becomes Darth Vader. “George Bush is Darth Vader,” he said. “Cheney is the emperor.”

Lucas was on his way to Europe and didn’t have time to elaborate in person. But he sent me this message confirming our conversation: “You know, Darth Vader is really a kid from the desert planet near Crawford, and the true evil of the universe is the emperor who pulls all the strings.”

The philosopher Eric Hoffer said “we never run fastest and farthest than when we run from ourselves.” And you, George Lucas, have been doing just that. Smug, insulated George Lucas and his inner circle of yes-men, licking his boots with Jabba like tongues, severely damaged the awesomeness of the Star Wars franchise, and the Jar-Jar Binksian black mark left behind is just one symptom of a great endeavor gone horribly wrong.  The reason why George Lucas is so quick on the draw to label other people an evil Sith Lord is because deep down he knows he has become the Sith Lord of the Star Wars universeGary Kurtz just reiterates what we’ve all known for quite some time:

…1980 was also the year that Kurtz and Lucas realized the Jedi universe wasn’t big enough for the both of them.

“I could see where things were headed,” Kurtz said. “The toy business began to drive the [Lucasfilm] empire. It’s a shame. They make three times as much on toys as they do on films. It’s natural to make decisions that protect the toy business, but that’s not the best thing for making quality films.”

He added: “The first film and ‘Empire’ were about story and character, but I could see that George’s priorities were changing…The emphasis on the toys, it’s like the cart driving the horse…If it wasn’t for that the films would be done for their own merits. The creative team wouldn’t be looking over their shoulder all the time.”

George Lucas, the liberal elitist who likes to hob-knob with Maureen Dowd at Obama inaugural parties before jet-setting off to Europe (hurrrrm), sacrifices the integrity of the characters for the cash cow that is little plastic Hasbro toys and Lego Phantom Menace set pieces? Interesting.  As a proud capitalist, I fully endorse George Lucas’ right to morph into a human version of Watto. If Star Wars fans want to shell out large chunks of change for the second-hand creative goods created since Return of the Jedi, God bless them and God bless George Lucas.

With that said, it should be strenuously stated that the same guy who talks about Dick Cheney “pulling the strings” during the Bush administration is the same guy who pulls the strings of hand-picked yes men in the empire he created (only instead of Slave Leia look-a-likes chained in a basement, he probably has overweight computer programmers doing his bidding in some dark, musty cubicles at Skywalker Ranch…)

Look at George Bush’s proposals for Social Security reform, or examine how much he’s responsible for “stimulus” spending (that didn’t stimulate much of anything). Now look at President Obama’s passed legislation on Health Care and his track record on “stimulus” spending. President Obama’s power grabs and deficits puts “W” to shame (in only two years!) and yet…silence from Lucas. Perhaps that’s because there’s a new game or toy line coming out? Who knows.

George Bush is at home at his ranch clearing brush while President Obama is engaging in the very kind of Secret Wars George Lucas fretted about not too long ago. Meanwhile, Lucas is still very much “pulling the strings” of his very own Merchandising Sarlacc Pit Monster, sucking up the disposable income of fans everywhere—the kind of fans who want another plastic incarnation of Jimmy Smits (i.e., Bail Organa) in a flying car, instead of character development, solid writing, and decent acting.

Nuff’ said.

Updates: Head on over to hotair to check out an alternate beginning to Return of the Jedi that, yes, I admit is pretty cool… and if this doesn’t convince you he’s turned to the Dark Side nothing will.

George Lucas criticizes others for destroying the integrity of things, and then he decides the world needs to see Jimmy Smits in a flying car...