Kal Penn confirms: ‘Harold and Kumar Get Droned’ in production

In 2008, Kal Penn
In 2008, Kal Penn “exposed” the Bush administration for its war crimes with in ‘Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.’ Although Penn was a staunch supporter of President Obama’s reelection campaign, he assures fans that targeting American civilians with drone strikes (a step beyond anything Bush ever did) has prompted him to begin production of ‘Harold and Kumar get Droned.’ Filming along the border between India and Pakistan starts in late spring or early summer.

Fans of the Harold and Kumar movies can rejoice: Kal Penn announced shortly after NBC dropped news of the Obama administration “white papers” that “Harold and Kumar get Droned” is already underway. The Hollywood Reporter is preparing a piece to run in the coming weeks, which details how Kal Penn (who previously took a break from acting to become Associate Director in the White House Office of Public Engagement) was furious when the news broke of Justice Department memos spelling out the legal justification for assassinating American citizens.

“In 2008, Jon Hurwitz wrote one hell of a script for ‘Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay,'” said Penn. “Warner Bros. and New Line put millions of dollars on the table so myself and John [Cho] could expose the Bush administration for what it was — a bunch of war criminals. It would be hypocritical of me to sit back on the sidelines as President Obama, a man I worked for, took the Bush Doctrine to a whole new level.”

When pressed for details, Penn admitted that the plot will involve Harold and Kumar traveling to India, a location where a gold mine of religious, sexual and drug-fueled comedy exists. While trekking along the border between Pakistan and India, the Obama administration will target Harold and Kumar for assassination, mistaking them both for American terrorists attempting to make their first connection with regional terror cells.

Responding to fans on his Facebook page, Penn said that he does not regret making an ‘Obama for America’ video in the run up to the 2012 election or hosting the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, because details of the white paper were not known at the time. “Back then, I only new that President Obama was killing men and women from Pakistan, Afghanistan and Yemen. The rest is all news to me. Now that I know the truth, I’m going to do my part to set this right. I will. I promise. And come hell or high water, Neil Patrick Harris will be along for the ride!”

While no release date has been set for “Harold and Kumar Get Droned,” the director of ‘A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas,’ Todd Strauss-Schulson, recently Tweeted: “Get the red carpet ready for Christmas 2013, Hollywood.” Producer Greg Shapiro replied “Let’s do this.”

It looks like 2013 is going to be a great year for Harold and Kumar fans, even if it’s at the expense of President Obama.

Update: Production on ‘Harold and Kumar Get Droned’ has been delayed due to rising tensions in the Middle East. Mr. Penn notes that the man he worked for, President Obama, escalated those tensions with his recent PR campaign to bomb Syria. A tentative deal has been reached on Syria’s chemical weapons with Russia, but Greg Shapiro has been tight-lipped on when, or if, production will resume.

Related: Kal Penn: The hypocrisy of Kumar makes NPH and Joel Stein cry

Media and Anti-war crowd MIA on Obama’s ‘Terror Tuesdays’

Remember all those anti-war rallies against President George W. Bush? He was accused of all sorts of things, from purposefully killing civilians to shredding the Constitution. There were full page ads taken out in major metropolitan newspapers bashing him, anti-war poetry readings on college campuses, Code Pink hysterics, and a whole slew of other events that usually involved bongo-drums.

Oh, how the times have changed:

Drones strikes were first used by the Americans in 2004, but President George W. Bush was sparing with them. In five years, he authorized only 44 attacks. By the time Obama was into his third year in office, though, he had signed off on more than five times that number (emphasis added).

Suddenly Obama is being depicted as a steely-eyed purveyor of death. This image was reinforced by an exhaustive 6,000-word article in the New York Times, quoting senior White House officials.

The piece was clearly authorized by the White House in the hope of increasing his re-election chances.

Not only has Obama made Bush’s profligate spending look like child’s play, but now ‘W’ comes off like a novice at killing with drones, too!

Imagine what your nightly news coverage would look like if you replaced “Barack Obama” with “George W. Bush” in the following paragraph:

The New York Times has revealed that President Barack Obama hosts a “Terror Tuesday” secure PowerPoint-style teleconference attended weekly by his top 100 intelligence and security officials. After the meeting he goes through a “nominating process” by viewing the “baseball cards” showing suspected terrorists, before personally deciding who is to be assassinated by drones; he also, in some cases, explicitly approves killing the suspect’s family if it should be in the vicinity of the strike.

I can see it now — jokes on light night television where President Bush views baseball cards of terrorists and is mostly concerned about why there isn’t a stick of stale, pink bubble gum that comes with each set. Political cartoons would show the president laughing at “baseball cards” of the dead, bloated bodies of innocent civilians. Code Pink would hold rallies on Tuesday to bring attention to the “Terror” of it all.

But with Barack Obama in the White House … silence.

President Obama’s solution to Guantanamo Bay wasn’t to close down the prison, but to make sure no one else checked in … by killing a whole lot of people. And then he gets around having too many people complain about the drone strikes by … killing the extended family. But don’t ask Jimmy Fallon to ever mention that because he’s too busy yucking it up with the president during a late night “slow jammin'” of the news.

The anti-war movement has zero moral authority. Zero. They played politics with national security, just like Van Jones admits environmentalists played politics with the environment during the Gulf Oil spill.

“You’ve never seen the environmental movement more quiet during an oil spill. I guarantee you if John McCain had been president with oil spill or George Bush had been president with that oil spill, I would have been protesting. I didn’t because of who the president was,” (Van Jones).

Personally, I blame any innocent life lost in Pakistan on Pakistan. They claim to be a sovereign nation, but can’t control Islamic radicals within their own border. They claim to be an ally, but turned a blind eye to bin Laden for years (while taking billions of dollars in U.S. aid). They don’t want U.S. boots on the ground, but they’re unwilling to enter into their tribal areas in any meaningful way.

Regardless, the silence of the anti-war movement speaks volumes. They are a joke, and in many ways the president is a joke; he fed the flames as a candidate, and then when he walked into the White House and got the intelligence briefings he shut up with the anti-war platitudes — fast. National Security briefings tend to do that to a man.

The next time the anti-war movement comes out to play, which should be the moment a guy with an ‘R’ next to his name is elected, just laugh and tell them to go home. Tell them there’s another Kony 2012-ish, flavor-of-the-week cause for them to get worked up about before ultimately doing nothing.

Now if you excuse me, I think I’ll read up on Bashar Assad. I won’t be asking Barbara Walters or her liberal reporter-friends what’s going on in Syria because I know she’s been too busy churning the Rolodex of nepotism for murderous regimes to tell anyone the truth.