Painting “Mohammed at 1000 Meters” May Cause Holy War: “Dot Heard ‘Round The World.”

It looks as though the Pakistani users of Farmville can rest easy, as Facebook is once again operating lawfully within the country:

LAHORE, Pakistan – Pakistan lifted a ban on Facebook on Monday after officials from the social networking site apologized for a page deemed offensive to Muslims and removed its contents, a top information technology official said…

“In response to our protest, Facebook has tendered their apology and informed us that all the sacrilegious material has been removed from the URL,” said Najibullah Malik, secretary of Pakistan’s information technology ministry, referring to the technical term for a Web page.
Facebook assured the Pakistani government that “nothing of this sort will happen in the future,” Malik said.

Let me translate this for my readers: Facebook has joined a long list of Westerners who subscribe to the dhimmitude way of life. Paging George Ramero…Paging George Romero… we have plenty of fodder for your next social critique using zombies (pick the dhimmis or the extremists).

How can Facebook assure Pakistan “nothing of this sort” will happen again,

Pakistani imams: Those cute little pigs you got going on in Farmville? Yeah, those offend us too. They gotta go. This ain't over, Facebook. Not by a long shot.

when no one knows what will set these nutcases off? These are the same people who threaten to kill cartoonists over material that offends them. These are the same people who have killed movie makers over material that offends them (as Hollywood sits silently by).

If, hypothetically, I started a Facebook Page titled: “I like Tasty, Tasty, pork…and Pakistani Muslims Should Too!” what would happen? Would the mere fact that I suggested they like something that isn’t in accordance with their religion warrant some sort of protest?

What if I started a contest to find out what the minimum threshold needed to cause riots in Pakistan was? In some sense, we need answers to these questions. We need to find the boundaries of what’s acceptable to them. We already know that Mohammed in a Bear Suit (who actually turned out to be Santa Claus) is out of the question. Does that mean “the insinuation that Mohammed was in a Bear Suit” is what’s really out of the question?

Or perhaps I shouldn’t. Things could get out of hand rather quickly:

The Facebook controversy sparked a handful of protests across Pakistan, many by student members of radical Islamic groups. Some of the protesters carried signs advocating holy war against the website for allowing the page.

I would really hate it if a “holy war” started because of little old me. What if WordPress got dragged into it as well for even allowing such ruminations to begin with? Sad, but fascinating…

What if I painted a dot on the horizon titled “Mohammed at 1000 Meters”? Would that inflame imams in the tribal areas of Pakistan? I’m not sure, but I think the psychological profiles we can glean from their reaction would be priceless. I almost think sociologists should pay me for coming up with such a novel idea. When I’m dead (perhaps due to a fatwa placed on me by extremist groups?), I hope I appear in the 32rd edition of whatever sociology book my alma mater, USC, requires.

Instead of “The Shot Heard ‘Round The World” my depiction of Mohammed at 1000 meters will be forever referred to as “The Dot Heard ‘Round The World.”

I suppose that would negate all the good will the President’s muslim outreach garned, huh? Oh, wait…it never really materialized to begin with.

Up Next: Pakistan to Freak Over Stick Figure Prophet Flip Books.

Although I’ve been too busy to blog, I haven’t been too busy to let the Draw Mohammad Day Facebook flap escape my radar. Personally, I think it’s interesting that Pakistan can’t control its own borders, lets jihadi head-choppers roam free, can’t stop them from training Faisal Shahzad-bags for Times Square bomb plots…and yet, when it comes to banning facebook—they’re on the case! It’s actually rather fascinating to know that if I drew Stick Figure Mohammad that I might be subject to death threats and fatwas and whatever else Islamic Rage Boy has in store for infidels like me.! ARRRRG!

There’s a part of me that wants to publish a flip book of Stick Figure Mohammad pole vaulting over famous landmarks, birthday cakes, and unicorns. He’d be completely indistinguishable from other stick men except I would call him Mohammad. And, if the outrage was outrageously outrageous enough I could apologize to members of a certain community for “offending” anyone (Even though, quite frankly, I find it offensive when people fly jetliners into large metropolitan areas and kill 3,000 individuals in the name of prophets banned from flip books).

Here’s the deal: When certain people stop strapping explosives to their groin in an attempt to kill innocent civilians I’ll start caring about campaigns that pop up on facebook. Or, when people stop threatening the South Park creators with an untimely death over a cartoon, I’ll stop playing the tiny violin between my thumb and forefinger.

Note to Pakistan: Come talk to me when Mehsud is dead. Otherwise, deal with it.

Do you know what this is? It's the world's tiniest violin...playing just for Islamic Rage Boy.