Chris Rock: I’m such a race-obsessed clown that even my kids think I’m ‘crazy’

Chris Rock APMultimillionaire Chris Rock is an angry man. One would think that living out the American Dream would temper some of his rage, but that is not the case. Americans are apparently too darn bigoted, race-relations aren’t much better than they were in 1861, and college campuses are too “conservative” for him to be happy. But is that all accurate, or did Chris Rock take the blue pill from The Matrix, wake up in his room, and decide that he wanted to go through life seeing everything through race-goggles?

Matrix Red Pill Blue PillMorpheus says to Neo in The Matrix:

You are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage — born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever it is you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonder Land, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole really goes.

Chris Rock was not born into bondage, but he most-certainly wears mind-forged manacles. The ideological chains are fitted so tightly around his brain that in his Vulture interview with Frank Rich he says he no longer likes to bring material to college campuses because they’re too “conservative”:

Frank Rich: What do you make of the attempt to bar Bill Maher from speaking at Berkeley for his riff on Muslims?

Chris Rock: Well, I love Bill, but I stopped playing colleges, and the reason is because they’re way too conservative.

Frank Rich: In their political views?

Chris Rock: Not in their political views — not like they’re voting Republican — but in their social views and their willingness not to offend anybody. Kids raised on a culture of “We’re not going to keep score in the game because we don’t want anybody to lose.” Or just ignoring race to a fault. You can’t say “the black kid over there.” No, it’s “the guy with the red shoes.” You can’t even be offensive on your way to being inoffensive.

If Chris Rock didn’t have such ideological blinders on, then he would be able to understand that it is the very same liberalism he subscribes to that produces liberal college campus “free speech zones,” “speech codes,” and perpetually-offended students who have to point to the “guy with the red shoes” instead of “the black guy over there.” The people who don’t want to keep score because “we don’t want anyone to lose” are Chris Rock’s political allies — liberals.

What is most amazing is that Chris Rock laments how sensitive everyone is about what they say and do while he simultaneously asserts that white people should be held accountable for the sins of their fathers.

Chris Rock: To say Obama is progress is saying that he’s the first black person that is qualified to be president. That’s not black progress. That’s white progress. There’s been black people qualified to be president for hundreds of years. If you saw Tina Turner and Ike having a lovely breakfast over there, would you say their relationship’s improved? Some people would. But a smart person would go, “Oh, he stopped punching her in the face.” It’s not up to her. Ike and Tina Turner’s relationship has nothing to do with Tina Turner. Nothing. It just doesn’t. The question is, you know, my kids are smart, educated, beautiful, polite children. There have been smart, educated, beautiful, polite black children for hundreds of years. The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

Frank Rich: It’s about white people adjusting to a new reality?

Chris Rock: Owning their actions. Not even their actions. The actions of your dad. Yeah, it’s unfair that you can get judged by something you didn’t do, but it’s also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn’t work for.

Chris Rock views all white people as suspiciously-docile Ike Turners, who should be judged (unfairly) for the actions of their fathers. Couple that with CNN’s John Blake, who believes white people are all subconsciously racist, and you have a very interesting scenario unfold: White people should be judged for the the actions of their ancestors — actions which sprang into existence on many levels due to subconscious thoughts beyond their control.

As I said before on this blog, years ago my college professors said I was “subconsciously” racist. I asked them what I could do about my so-called “subconscious” racism, and they said “nothing.” It was an incredibly telling moment. The liberalism of Chris Rock and liberal college professors all across the country can only produce hopelessness, anger, resentment and division. It creates negative feedback loops and a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

If everyone you meet is “subconsciously” racist, then it becomes impossible to really ever trust anyone. If the guy you meet at work is automatically seen as an metaphorical Ike Turner because his great, great, great, great grandfather owned slaves, then true friendship and understanding can never really blossom.

Chris Rock wants to see America as an overwhelmingly racist nation, and so his mind feverishly finds evidence to confirm those beliefs for him. It’s an incredibly depressing way to go through life, which may be why guys like me — who used to think he was funny — just feel sorry for him.

Chris Rock’s kids, however, just look at him like he’s “crazy”:

Frank Rich: Your own kids are all girls, right?

Chris Rock: All girls. I mean, I almost cry every day. I drop my kids off and watch them in the school with all these mostly white kids, and I got to tell you, I drill them every day: Did anything happen today? Did anybody say anything? They look at me like I am crazy.

They look at you like you’re crazy because you are acting crazy, Mr. Rock. Seek help. When you stop obsessing on race, you’ll realize that the vast majority of Americans honestly do not care if you are black, white, purple, green, blue, or chartreuse. They just want to know that you’re an honest, hard-working, and reliable person with a can-do attitude.

Join us in 2014, Mr. Rock. When you do, then perhaps you’ll actually be funny again.

Related: On Independence Day, Chris Rock celebrates his ignorance

Jerry Seinfeld takes down racial bean counters at Buzzfeed, Gawker over ‘anti-comedy’ political correctness


If Jerry Seinfeld ever gets tired of ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,’ he could always start a new show titled ‘Comedians in Cars Slapping down Racial Bean Counters,’ because that’s exactly what happened when Buzzfeed Editor Peter Lauria decided to ask about the lack of racial diversity on Seinfeld’s latest show. One gets the feeling that Mr. Lauria spends his Sunday night looking at Department of Labor statistics and wondering if there are racial conspiracies afoot because black people don’t comprise 20% of all plumbers, zookeepers, race car drivers, and policemen that use motorcycles with sidecars.

Buzzfeed Editor Editor Peter Lauria: I have noticed that most of the guests are mostly white males. Of 22 episodes you’ve had —

Seinfeld: Yeah, let’s get into that. Take a look over here, Peter. What do you see? A lot of whiteys! What’s going on here?!

Oh, this really pisses me off. This really pisses me off, but go ahead. […] There were a lot of things about ‘Comedians and Cars’ from the very beginning — the first ten I did were all white males and people were writing all about that. People think it’s the census or something. It’s gotta represent the actual pie chart of America. Who cares? Funny is the world that I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested. I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that, but everyone else is kind of calculating ‘Is this the exact right mix?’ To me it’s anti-comedy. It’s anti-comedy. It’s more about PC nonsense than “Are you making us laugh or not?”

Gawker’s response? It went nuts:

Jerry Seinfeld, the most successful comedian in the world and maker of comedy for and about white people, isn’t interested in trying to include non-white anything in his work. …

He seems to suggest that any comedian who is not a white male is also not funny, though he’s also likely fed up with the amount of bad comedy he’s been forced to sit through in his (waning) career.

Which is too bad, because Seinfeld is downplaying the work of everyone from Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby to Aziz Ansari, Mindy Kaling, and Eddie Huang, who are all in various stages of their own sitcoms that just might turn out to be the next Seinfeld. …

In conclusion: Yes, comedy should represent the entire pie chart of America, and the glorious, multicolored diversity pie should be thrown directly at Jerry Seinfeld’s face.

Any famous conservative who has been invited to speak on a college campus knows about the liberal predilection for throwing pies at intellectual opponents, and now Gawker readers know that when they occasionally wonder, “What kind of immature clown throws pies at someone he dislikes instead of hashing it out like an adult?” that the answer lies before them: Kyle Chayka.

Question: How strange is it that Gawker writers can pejoratively refer to Jerry Seinfeld’s “comedy for and about white people,” but if Mr. Seinfeld actually described his comedy that way — and used it to justify the guests on his show — they would explode with charges of racism? And how sad is it that Gawker writers slime guys like Jerry Seinfeld and hit the publish button before even doing a cursory amount or research?

Mediaite finishes Mr. Chayka off with its piece ‘Gawker Writer Embarrasses Self with Baseless Attack on Jerry Seinfeld’:

Surely, Chayka researched this post before he went off on a tear. He must know that Seinfeld called Pryor “the Picasso of our profession,” or that he hosted an event honoring Cosby and called himself “not that funny” by comparison, or that Ansari regularly joins Seinfeld’s exclusive inner circle of comedians. Et cetera, et cetera.

In fact, there are few working comedians who do not have a story to tell about how Seinfeld and his encouraging cohorts aided in the development of their careers.

Surely, he knew all this and merely sought to intentionally mislead his audience. The alternative would be that Chayka just did not care so much about the subject as his preconceived opinion before publishing it in what he must have known was a public forum… Which just couldn’t be.

Liberalism encourages laziness. Disagree with a liberal and you must be a racistsexisthomophobe (one word). No research or critical thinking required — except when it is, which is quite often.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have something to do that doesn’t involve wondering whether black people comprise 20% of all U.S. watchmakers, basket weavers and car mechanics.

Aziz Ansari: I don’t like gay marriage opponents, but I love racist jokes about black men

Aziz Ansari Buried Alive

Aziz Ansari is a successful stand-up comedian. There is no debating that. He’s had a great run on Parks and Recreation, he’s met President Obama and he is big enough to let it all go to his head and make a fool out of himself when he tries to lecture his audience on social issues. He’s pumped himself up with so much self-righteousness that he doesn’t even see how bizarre it is to tout his progressive credentials in tandem with racist jokes about black males and a bit that makes light of child molestation.

Take Aziz’s latest standup routine: ‘Aziz Ansari: Buried Alive.’ If you believe that the lifelong union of a man and a woman — with the implied purpose of having children together and raising them in a healthy loving family — should be recognized as an essential building block of any civil society, then Aziz Ansari thinks you’re a “hateful” person.

This is another thing that baffles me about people who are opposed to gay marriage, you know. Here these people, they found someone to say “yes,” to this totally insane thing and then some other person is gonna be like “no, it’s weird. I just … I just think it’s weird.” It’s pretty much the only argument at this point, really. I don’t see how you can really be opposed to gay marriage at this point. Like, you know you’re on the losing side. There’s no way it’s not gonna to go through. All the demographics that are really opposed to gay marriage — they’re all going to be dead soon. … But seriously, how do you not know you’re on the losing team at this point? … That whole Chick-Fil-A situation? Whew! That was quite a conundrum for me. ‘Cause you know, obviously I’m very pro gay-marriage, but I’m also very pro-delicious chicken sandwich.  It’s like, “Uh! What do you do?!”

I stopped eating Chick-Fil-A. I’m never going to eat Chick-Fil-A. I don’t eat it anymore. … I was so jealous of homophobic people. Man, what a delicious way to support your hateful cause.

What is more hateful: Believing in a definition of marriage that for all intents and purposes excludes gay people because of their biological limitations, or Aziz Ansari perpetuating gay stereotypes by doing a bit on the gay hookup mobile app called Grindr?

Straight people are so pathetic. “Can I take you out for a drink sometime? Or maybe we can get dinner or something? I don’t know.” Gay dudes are like, “I  wanna get my dick sucked and there he is. Done.” I really think [Grindr] might be the most incredible technology that’s come out in my lifetime. For real. I don’t even know how you’d even explain that concept to someone a few generations ago. … Show someone an iPhone … [If] you’re interested in putting your penis inside another man — that dude is down.”

What is more hateful: Believing in a definition of marriage that for all intents and purposes excludes gay people because of their biological limitations, or Aziz Ansari proudly doing a bit that perpetuates the idea that black men are all a bunch of morons? Somewhere in space and time the souls of racist practitioners of Phrenology are having a good laugh at Ansari’s black jokes.

I feel bad making broad generalizations about men and women like that, but … I’m pretty confident. To me it’s like saying black dudes are blown away by magic tricks. Stereotypes are fucked up, but that one’s on point. If anyone has footage of a black dude seeing a magic trick and not being blown away, show it to me. I’ll never say that again. But until I see that footage, that’s my favorite racial stereotype ever. That’s the best one. Nothing comes close. … When a black dude sees a magic trick his mind explodes. … When a black dude sees a magic trick, for a few moments he thinks it’s real — like there’s a sorcerer on earth. … They have to reassess existence from the ground up. … That’s a beautiful way to treat things in life that you don’t understand. Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the way black dudes treat magicians?

What would have happened if a white standup comedian made the exact same joke about black men? How would his career fare after essentially saying to a crowd in Philadelphia that the minds of all black men haven’t developed enough to comprehend magic tricks?

Who is more strange: the guy who believes that society should hold a special reverence for the union of man and a woman, or the comedian who sees nothing wrong with trying to get laughs from child molestation jokes?

I would be worried constantly if I had a kid. I think about how much my mom let me run around as a kid. … Ten years old running around by myself … I should have been getting molested all the time. Like, I don’t know how it never happened. Not even once. Not even once! Keep in mind I was the cutest kid of all time.

Like, take the most adorable, little brown puppy you can imagine, turn that into a person — that was me as a kid. I mean, who wouldn’t be trying to fuck that? Just an unbelievable level of cuteness.  My theory is that I was so cute as a kid that it intimidated child molesters. Like for child molesters I was kind of like the hot girl at the bar. They’re like: “Oh my God! Aziz is here! Aziz is here! Aziz is here! [exhales] Okay, you can do this. You can do this. Just be yourself. Just be yourself. Confidence. Kids like confidence. Let’s do that.

[Imitating a child molester] “Hi Aziz! [stammering] That’s a, that’s a cool…uh…ha…ha…that’s a great…all right, well, see you later. [Talking to himself] Ah! You’re so stupid. You didn’t even say anything! Who am I kidding, anyway? This is Aziz we’re talking about. He can fuck any grown man he wants.”

Bravo, Mr. Ansari. You were able to look in the mirror one morning and say to yourself: “What the world needs right now is a man who is courageous enough to joke that his looks were once worthy of a child molester’s abuse.”

The icing on the cake is Ansari’s take on arranged marriages.

A lot of people in India still have arranged marriages. My dad had an arranged marriage. It was to my mom. That’s how they arranged it. And it’s interesting. Whenever I tell people that they’re always like “Oh my God. Is everything okay? Do they hate each other?” And they only ask that because it’s an arranged marriage. Those questions are totally valid for any marriage. … I read a little bit about arranged marriage. I’ve read some research and stuff they’ve done. Very interesting. I found this study they did where they took couples that had arranged marriages and they took couples that had non-arranged marriages and they measured their happiness levels. In the first three-to-five years non-arranged couples were happier. But, when I looked at it 25-30 years down the line the arranged couples were happier. So, who knows? I don’t know.

Actually, Westerners ask that question because arranged marriages and dowry have a well known history, Mr. Ansari — and some of the stories are not pretty.

Ms. [Preeti] Dhaka’s training as one of the capital’s nearly 1,000 female investigators couldn’t insulate her from Indian traditions that often conspire against laws meant to enforce women’s rights. After a day of protest duty on New Year’s Eve, she wrote a despairing note: Her new husband, unhappy that her dowry hadn’t included a car, “tried to motivate me to die.” …

Pressuring a bride or her family for wedding gifts is against a 1961 law passed in an effort to end dowry abuses. The dowry tradition persists, with a woman’s family often giving lavish gifts to her fiancé’s family.

Dowry disputes remain a prevalent cause of violence against women, usually by husbands or in-laws who think a dowry was too small. According to government crime statistics, nearly one woman was killed every hour in India last year over dowries. In Delhi, “dowry comes a lot” in police complaints by women, says Ms. Insan. “In the village, the girls don’t come forward. They prefer to protect the home.”

But hey, Mr. Ansari “doesn’t know” where he comes down on arranged marriages. He just knows that it’s incredibly lucrative to perpetuate the poisonous stereotypes of the sex-crazed gay man and intellectually inferior blacks. Do it enough, and you even get to meet the first black president. Let’s all give Aziz Ansari a round of applause.

Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey: Why is Obama off limits?

When Jon Lovitz opened up his own comedy club in California he had an epiphany of sorts; a lot of the things conservatives say about building a business and entrepreneurs are true. And when he had the gall to crack a few jokes about how Democrats are all about encouraging success — until you become successful — the “tolerance” they’re known for was on full display via tweets-of-rage.

Now, Lovitz is back, and his conversation with famous comedian Dana Carvey highlights another important realization — the same people once known for questioning authority have laid down their arms and bowed down before their masters. Carvey talks about the few times he tried to needle President Obama in his stand up, and how it was met with chilling silence. The exchange between the two SNL alumnus is eye opening:

Jon Lovitz: It’s not that you’re going out of your way to make fun of President Obama. It’s like, it doesn’t matter who the president is, you’re looking for a funny angle because you’re going to end up trying to do an impression of whoever is president to tease them and make fun of him. It’s not because he is president, it’s whoever is president.

Dana Carvey: If you think of us growing up in Vietnam and Watergate, Nixon, one of the biggest anthems of our time was: “Question authority.” Now the authority happens to be president Obama. So it’s a natural thing for a comedian — we’re supposed to tear down the people in power no matter who they are. That’s who we make fun of. We take pot shots at the king or the president. This is in our DNA. This is what we’re supposed to do. So to not do it is not healthy for America.

Jon Lovitz: I remember learning about the comedian, a great comic, Mort Saul, who really changed comedy. Stand up comics used to be in tuxedo and a bow tie and Mort Sahl came out on stage in jeans and a sweater just reading a paper. No one had done that. He influenced Woody Allen, Lenny Bruce, everybody. And Mort Sahl was making fun of Nixon when Kennedy was running against Nixon … And then when Kennedy became president he started making fun of the Kennedy administration and they didn’t like that and that really killed his career.

Dana Carvey: Well Mort Saul lives up here in Northern California where I live … and he’s bemoaned the fact that he’ll see dozens and dozens of comedians still doing Sarah Palin jokes or Rick Santorum jokes and not one Obama joke. So this is Mort Sahl from the 50’s kind of going, “What happened?”

Jon Lovitz: Who is a Democrat and a liberal!

When I first got to college after exiting the military I wasn’t a political guy. However, after 9/11 my professors blatantly lied about the military, which gave me a chance to use those “talking back” qualities that gave my parents (and on occasion my superiors in the military) so many headaches.

I pushed back hard on claims that “only red neck Republican hicks who are happy to get a free pair of boots” join the military. I pushed back hard on claims that my friends who were getting deployed to Afghanistan would purposely shoot at civilians. Soon I realized that I was almost always the only one pushing back. 

As I started reading the works of Thomas Sowell and Walter E. Williams, Dinesh D’Souza and many others, I challenged my professors in areas beyond national defense, and time and time again it became apparent that my peers were happy to be spoon fed intellectual gruel without resistance. They took the talking points they were given as scripture, and it bothered me because that’s not what I was always told young people were supposed to do.

Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey point out in this quick exchange the same odd set of circumstances that I experienced when I entered the academic world as a young man. The combination of 9/11 and the realization that I was purposefully being denied a whole other world of intellectual thought shifted my professional track from one completely focused on breaking into the entertainment industry, to one of politics.

And then I became familiar with Andrew Breitbart. I realized that I could have the best of both worlds. Culture matters, and what better way to sell the principles of free markets, limited government and a strong national defense than by teasing them out of the music and movies and books that move us? The fact that even Dana Carvey of all people is openly talking about how modern day liberalism has inserted something that “isn’t healthy” into our culture is a victory for the late great Andrew Breitbart.

And so, while there is still much work to be done, I highly suggest conservatives take a quick breather before getting back to the daily grind. Perhaps they could do so while chopping broccoli.