Allahpundit Goes Loki on Thor Trailer. Comic Nerd Plays Destroyer.

Every time Allahpundit goes after the one genre that regularly has conservative themes resonate with young people, conservative comic nerds should intellectually drop kick him in the chest a la Thor in this picture.  Is it possible Thor will be God-awful? Sure. But I’d rather spend time ridiculing the “Funny or Die” liberalism of Will Ferrell.

Allahpundit’s war on conservative comic nerds continues.  First, it was Green Lantern. Today, it’s Thor:

I keep making jokes about the inevitability of an Aquaman movie and they’re getting less funny by the day. There are but two options, my friends: Either we come up with fun new postmodern superheroes for films or we jump off the cliff and just do the Aqua Man picture already. Instead of playing it straight, maybe they could borrow a page from “The Brady Bunch Movie” and turn it into a satire of the concept. Cast Will Ferrell in the lead, with Mike Myers as Poseidon? You’d see it.

I’ve already asked why Allah continues to poke fun at the one genre where conservatism is regularly inserted and promoted successfully.  Personally, I’ve never been a fan of Thor, and always thought he was a bit of a doofus (I’d rather spend time in Arkham City if given the choice…).  Instead of taking pot shots at the next comic book movie—that very well may be a dud—I wish Allah would spend time using his wit to mock Will Ferrell’s sad “Funny or Die” liberalism.  Conservative commentators need to efficiently allocate their time and resources (e.g., writing prowess and persuasiveness), and spending a slow news day chipping away at stories that promote selfless service, honor, valor, strength, and courage seems to me to be an editorial misstep.

With that said, let’s address the Aquaman scenario by asking this question: What if they did opt for Aquaman?  Is it a foregone conclusion it would be horrible?  I’m inclined to say yes, only because I fully expect it to be used as a soapbox for the kind of liberalism espoused by Ted Danson, who once claimed that within ten years all the world’s oceans would be toxic soup.  It’s about two decades later, and Ted’s glad that the internet wasn’t as advanced as when he was making ridiculously dumb Doomsday predictions from the bully pulpit Cheers provided him (Or was that Hollywood Squares?).

However, aside from that, it should be pointed out that it isn’t the character that’s usually bad.  The character is but one of the many other aspects that go into making a successful movie.

Imagine you’re George Lucas years ago pitching Star Wars to a bunch of Hollywood producers.  Think about how you would go about explaining Chewbacca, C-3po, Jabba the Hutt, Darth Vader, Yoda…  Should I go on, or is it obvious that skilled writers and directors can do amazing things?  No one thinks of Yoda as a silly green muppet—he’s just Yoda. And it’s an understatement to say that it takes skill to mesmerize entire generations of movie goers. George Lucas had that at one time (before ironically becoming the Star Wars Universes’ very own Emperor Palpatine), and I suspect the right writer at the right time could do the same with Aquaman.

Is it possible that Destroyer will look like a Power Ranger villain? Sure. But it’s also possible that he’ll rock. Hard. Now excuse me while I reluctantly destroy an ideological ally on this particular issue.

The comic book genre, like anything else, isn’t perfect.  There are some atrocious offerings that roll out of the lot every year.  However, it’s also capable of captivating the imagination—something the GOP hasn’t done for years. Instead of tearing down and ridiculing one of the few vehicles that conservatives can use to forward a better vision for the world, I’d rather concentrate on something else or, more specifically, liberalism’s attempt to “deconstruct” the superhero (i.e., sully it, just like it sullies everything else it touches).

Allahpundit seems to be on the verge of losing his Man Card.  Pretty soon he’s going to be lampooning The Expendables. When that happens it will be a sad, sad day indeed.

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Green Lantern Ryan Reynolds Swipe a Declaration of War by Allahpundit; Conservative Comic Nerd Returns Fire.

Hmmm. Ryan Reynolds looks eerily familiar to Tony Stark here. Does Allahpundit have a point? It doesn't matter. He should hold his fire because comics generally have conservative themes (particularly a character like Hal Jordan) and they resonate with youth. Unlike Meghan McCain.

Allahpundit has thrown down the gauntlet. I’ve been a long time fan of his work, but we all know that from time time to he finds ways to test even his hard core fans’ patience (think Meghan McCain ).  This time, war has been declared on Conservative Comic Nerds everywhere!

Needless to say, if they’re now this far down into the bottom of the comics barrel for superhero movie ideas [i.e., a Green Lantern movie], it won’t be long before pre-production on an Aquaman flick is announced. We all know it’s coming, so let’s start preparing mentally.

You called down the thunder, Allah, well now you got it!

The comic book movie that started an amazing run that hasn’t stopped since 1998 was Blade. It showed the industry of the marketing potential that existed, even in lesser known comic superheroes (interestingly enough, it was Ryan Reynolds who stole the show from Wesley “I want to be Charlie Rangel and not pay my taxes” Snipes in Blade III, an underrated flick in my opinion). Green Lantern isn’t some two-bit superhero—he’s a classic.  And even though there are two or three Jonah Hexs for every Iron Man, overall comic book movies help instill the kinds of moral codes today’s liberalism habitually tears down.

Watchmen was loaded with conservative values (even though it was written by a left-wing moon bat). Kick Ass makes the case for American Exceptionalism better than 98% of all conservative commentators out there. The list goes on and on. I’d rather hold my fire on Ryan Reynolds when he’s portraying a superhero because it’s only a matter a time before he plays another US contractor buried in Iraq. Think of all the mouthpieces of the left, and then imagine them inadvertently planting the seeds of conservatism in a generation of young minds because they played Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, Captain America, or some obscure hero whose principles shackle liberal screenwriters into crafting characters Americans can be proud of.

I know that there are going to be embarrassingly bad comics movies made every year, but it’s the one area of popular culture where conservatives have the upper hand. Our ideas sell, and Hollywood can’t deny it.  Conservatism is articulated on screen every time a hero doesn’t hesitate to identify evil—and fights it. Liberal moral relativists will groan in pain if Captain America shines instead of becoming Saturday night entertainment for Euro-weenies and Jihadi Film Clubs. It makes no sense to make jokes at the expense of the one genre that imparts conservative values and resonates with young people.

I’m praying to God that they come out with The Umbrella Academy: Dallas. While Allah (and again, I love your work) might instinctually consider it the bottom of the barrel, I enthusiastically recommend it to anyone thinking about buying a graphic novel sometime soon. It’s written by Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance. Take a look at their latest video. Watch it and tell me there aren’t conservative motifs everywhere (e.g., evil centralized government, underground radio, American muscle cars, resistance movements). Do we have another closet conservative on our hands? Who knows, but I don’t want to disrupt whatever inspired it.

Likewise, I have my fingers crossed for the day when Zack Synder finally comes out of the conservative closet. I can’t wait to see what he does with Superman.

I’m going to chalk up Allah’s Green Lantern misstep to latent jealousy at Ryan Reynolds’ rock hard abs (I know I’m jealous). But if it happens again, all options are on the table; I’m going Nuclear Nerd on the pundit from hotair.

Go to Vegas and put money on The Umbrella Academy to be a hit movie. If you want you can thank me by sending a portion of your proceeds to my bank account. I have a lot of student loans to pay off, and I can't write as much as I want until they're gone.