Battered, bloodied and bruised — but still smiling. That’s the meaning of life, and Stallone knows it. Made in America and a national treasure. Even when he’s bad he’s good.

The Expendables 2 trailer has officially landed, and it delivers the goods. As I said before, only sad, sad men and the women who love them are not psyched about this movie. Let’s think about the trailer for a second, shall we? Cheesy one liners? Check. Explosions on top of explosions? Check. Eastern European, former Communist military equipment? Check. Guns, guns and more guns? Check. Asian chick kicking ass? Check. Pure testosterone? Check. The list can go on and on.

Fact: Stallone knows the meaning of life. Life is about being 65 years old, living balls to the wall, getting battered and bruised, and then laughing about it with your buddies. If life was an orange Sly would be squeezing the s**t out of it until there wasn’t any juice left, looking at the rind, and then shoving it in his mouth and eating it just to say he ate the whole damn thing. He’s awesome. Period.

Conventional wisdom says Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Willis should be drinking Ensure and thinking about “the good old days.” Instead of daydreaming about Rocky Balboa or Rambo he went out and created a whole new amazing franchise in his freakin’ 60’s!

Think about your friends from high school who are so out of shape that they’ve packed it in and act like sad-sack geriatrics before they’ve even lost their hair. Now think about Stallone convincingly going toe-to-toe, mano-e-mano with Van Damme at this stage of the game. It’s an inspiration.

Stallone, in silhouette, right before facing off against Van Damme. He’s still looking great after all these years.

Like the old school guns, cars, motorcycles and planes Stallone uses in The Expendables, he shows that age doesn’t need to matter because cool will always be cool. Age is inevitable, but you can kick ass until the day you die. If we think of Stallone’s body like a car it’s obvious that he loves and cares for it, but he’s going to use it and drive that thing into the ground because that’s what it was made for.

Years ago my mom, a second grade teacher at the time, would tell her coworkers how she would rather see Rocky and Rambo and any number of Stallone movies than some chick flick, and all the other women would look at her like she was from Mars. No mom, you weren’t nuts. In fact, a good litmus test to gauge someone’s sanity might be to ask them whether they would rather pay to see a marathon of Rocky, Rambo and The Expendables … or a You’ve Got Mail/Sleepless in Seattle double-feature.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an Expendables 2 trailer to watch … again.


  1. I knew you’d break the streak. How could you write all that and not mention 72 year old Chuck Norris once??? Better hope he doesn’t notice, or he’s libel to track you down and delivers the world’s most beautiful roundhouse kick to your head!

    1. I debated adding mention of Norris, but I knew that I wouldn’t be being totally honest with myself. I was always a big fan of Stallone. Growing up Norris was okay…but not one of my favorites. If I jumped on the Norris band wagon too much I’d actually ask him to give me a roundhouse.

    2. Seriously? Stop what you are doing and go watch Lone Wolf McQuade and Delta Force right now. Both great action movies. Forgetting his cheesy Walker Texas Ranger stuff, he was kicking ass in the 80’s, albeit not quite as popular or charismatic as Stallone or Ah-nuld.

      On a more serious note, Norris is very conservative on his political views (as you know). In fact, there are more conservative Hollywood icons in this movie than the old Reagan westerns!

    3. I think I watched parts of those years ago on TBS or TNT or one of those networks. I’ll have to give them a fair viewing. On a different note, I still think Sly should bring back Cobra. That movie was so ridiculously bad and good at the same time … it was great. That’s what I like about Stallone: even when he made some really rotten career choices I walked out of the theater still liking him and hoping he’d come back with a winner.

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