Gerbe would have you believe that emasculated man-boys with shaved bodies are the route to leggy models. Models who want nothing more than to rip those “mantyhose” right off before getting down to business. Unfortunately, they don’t mention the freakishly high percentage of Italian men who are losers, living with their mother well into middle age.

Italian designers have come out with unisex pantyhose for men, and they’re apparently catching on. In fact, they’re selling so well that British papers have picked up on the trend and it’s been adopted by our more “enlightened” Americans before I ever had a chance to mock it. Alas:

The designer believes his male clients mostly seek warmth, wearing the pantyhose under trousers – but tells the fashion newspaper he has seen men pairing them with shorts, while his sister Lisa Cavallini, the company’s distributor in the U.S., told the publication she believes the leg wear is a style-driven choice. …

St Louis, Missouri-based G Lieberman and Sons makes a range of men’s tights in large sizes – and with front zippers included – while high-end makers, Falke, stock sizes that fit men.

Paris-based makers, Gerbe, feature a range of men’s sheer black and nude designs on their site, worn with gusto by suave models in white shirts.

Speaking as a fan of David Bowie, Scott Weiland, and Michael Stipe—amazing entertainers with a history of gender-bending—I can’t help but hang my head in shame at the emasculated mess we’ve become. There is an interesting divide taking place: On the one hand there are men who seek to emulate Marcus Luttrell and Chris Kyle; on the other we have the Ted Danson fan club, complete with leg crossing and murmurs of angst when there’s a disagreement. On one hand you have men who can’t wait for The Expendables or The Dark Knight Rises to hit the theaters; on the other is the guy who probably asks his buddies to see The Lorax with him on opening night.

There seems to be certain segments within the entertainment industry and academia that wish for a world free of testosterone. The thought seems to be, “If we can get rid of the testosterone, we can get rid of all the wars and fighting and famine that plagues the world. If only we were all a bunch of hairless, androgynous sexy-things then debates over gay marriage would be rendered moot!”

While I’m eternally grateful I live in a free society—one that would allow me to shred every ounce of masculinity inside for a selection of designer Italian “brosiery”—I can’t help but think that our country is splitting at the cultural seams. I’m afraid to see what the future has in store for us if an individual or a major event doesn’t bring us back together.

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About the Author Douglas Ernst

I'm a former Army guy who believes success comes through hard work, honesty, optimism, and perseverance. I believe seeing yourself as a victim creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. I believe in God. I'm a USC Trojan with an MA in Political Science from American University.

23 comments

  1. When I was growing up my mom would be Wheaties, Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, Rice Krispies, and maybe a few others…but most of the colored stuff like Fruit Loops were never allowed. I never really liked them, anyway.

    I was more of a Maple and Brown Sugar Quaker Oatmeal kind of kid.

    1. Agreed! Thanks for the comment. PS: I’m glad you started blogging. Looks like you have some good stuff, there.

    2. Thanks for the compliment. I’d been thinking of starting a blog “one of these days” for a couple of years. Now that I’ve started I’m really enjoying myself.

      Were you addicted to your site meter when you were just starting out?

  2. By the way, as a key giveaway to how horrible the mantyhose are, check out the complete lack of sexual tension between the two models. Their apparent lack of comfort almost has me believing that they’re actually very detailed mannequins.

  3. Well, the WordPress stats are pretty cool, but I try not to let them suck me in too much. I figured I’d just keep plugging away and the rest would take care of itself. I like seeing the search terms people use to get to the site. I’ve had some strange ones…

    1. I use a free account from statcounter.com, which is far more revealing that the basic wordpress tracker.

      Easily installed, just cut and paste code into a text widget. There’s full directions for the install on the statcounter site.

      Lately I’ve been getting hits from Syria, China, Russia, Poland in the past day,
      and several from govt agencies in the DC area.

      Fascinating.

      If you need help, let me know.

  4. On a serious note, we’re starting to question the importance or need for testosterone anymore. I just read an article where a dog was shot in the head with 40 pellets, all four legs bound, snout tied shut, and buried in the dirt. In all sincerity, can you even imagine a woman doing that? The world doesn’t need more war and hatred and sickness. You’ve served your purpose. And you even noted that a disproportionate number of so called men, still suck tit off their mothers. Women don’t want male children anymore. More women than men graduate with a college degree. You’ve not adjusted well to the changes in the world over the past 100 years. Doesn’t discrimination suck? Read up on balancing oxytocin and testosterone.

    1. Can I imagine a woman abusing an animal? I don’t need to imagine, because women do plenty of horrible things. That’s because there is evil in the world, which has nothing to do with testosterone. Sine you have the internet, I’m sure it will take you only seconds to find well-documented evidence of women who were/are downright evil.

    2. Jen’s comment was easily one of the dopiest- and hateful-things I’ve ever read. Plus the mere concept of mantyhouse is disgusting beyond all comprehension.

  5. Here’s my take on the subject:
    The Mantyhose Twinkletoes Brosiery Blues

    I got them mantyhose blues
    From my head down to my shoes

    Just saw it on the news
    Wearing those things I just refuse

    I used to go commando
    Didn’t worry about my libido
    But now the new credo
    Is making men look sweet-oh

    Spandex and tight binding
    Could lead to chafing and grinding
    Cut off blood supply — causing my boys to cry
    Leading to premature blinding

    With girls my full intent
    Had been to make an ascent
    Panty hose were an impediment
    And led to discontent

    And now the EuroTrash
    Want men to buy that gash
    Spent their hard-earned cash
    On pants that give you a rash

    It’s just too very gay
    Too much like ballet
    For this redneck cabaret
    It’s not on my buffet

    I got them
    Hung down
    Brung down
    Slung down
    Confined and realigned
    Disinclined and creepified
    Twinkletoes mantyhose brosiery blues

    http://vermontverse.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/the-mantyhose-twinkletoes-brosiery-blues/

    1. Actually, some guys wore pantyhose on road marches under their socks. They’re supposed to prevent you from getting blisters. I don’t know. I was lucky enough to never really have problems on road marches. Even the 25 miler.

  6. Ya know, sometimes I go into stores, buy men’s underwear, and put them on under my clothes and walk around in public.

    In fact, I’m wearing them right now. 🙂

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