I keep making jokes about the inevitability of an Aquaman movie and they’re getting less funny by the day. There are but two options, my friends: Either we come up with fun new postmodern superheroes for films or we jump off the cliff and just do the Aqua Man picture already. Instead of playing it straight, maybe they could borrow a page from “The Brady Bunch Movie” and turn it into a satire of the concept. Cast Will Ferrell in the lead, with Mike Myers as Poseidon? You’d see it.
I’ve already asked why Allah continues to poke fun at the one genre where conservatism is regularly inserted and promoted successfully. Personally, I’ve never been a fan of Thor, and always thought he was a bit of a doofus (I’d rather spend time in Arkham City if given the choice…). Instead of taking pot shots at the next comic book movie—that very well may be a dud—I wish Allah would spend time using his wit to mock Will Ferrell’s sad “Funny or Die” liberalism. Conservative commentators need to efficiently allocate their time and resources (e.g., writing prowess and persuasiveness), and spending a slow news day chipping away at stories that promote selfless service, honor, valor, strength, and courage seems to me to be an editorial misstep.
With that said, let’s address the Aquaman scenario by asking this question: What if they did opt for Aquaman? Is it a foregone conclusion it would be horrible? I’m inclined to say yes, only because I fully expect it to be used as a soapbox for the kind of liberalism espoused by Ted Danson, who once claimed that within ten years all the world’s oceans would be toxic soup. It’s about two decades later, and Ted’s glad that the internet wasn’t as advanced as when he was making ridiculously dumb Doomsday predictions from the bully pulpit Cheers provided him (Or was that Hollywood Squares?).
However, aside from that, it should be pointed out that it isn’t the character that’s usually bad. The character is but one of the many other aspects that go into making a successful movie.
Imagine you’re George Lucas years ago pitching Star Wars to a bunch of Hollywood producers. Think about how you would go about explaining Chewbacca, C-3po, Jabba the Hutt, Darth Vader, Yoda… Should I go on, or is it obvious that skilled writers and directors can do amazing things? No one thinks of Yoda as a silly green muppet—he’s just Yoda. And it’s an understatement to say that it takes skill to mesmerize entire generations of movie goers. George Lucas had that at one time (before ironically becoming the Star Wars Universes’ very own Emperor Palpatine), and I suspect the right writer at the right time could do the same with Aquaman.
The comic book genre, like anything else, isn’t perfect. There are some atrocious offerings that roll out of the lot every year. However, it’s also capable of captivating the imagination—something the GOP hasn’t done for years. Instead of tearing down and ridiculing one of the few vehicles that conservatives can use to forward a better vision for the world, I’d rather concentrate on something else or, more specifically, liberalism’s attempt to “deconstruct” the superhero (i.e., sully it, just like it sullies everything else it touches).
Allahpundit seems to be on the verge of losing his Man Card. Pretty soon he’s going to be lampooning The Expendables. When that happens it will be a sad, sad day indeed.