Rob, remember when you got a beat down in “Knock Off”? With the invention of this thing called the internet, that’s what happens to liberals when they take cheap pot shots using stale canards.

If one Googles “going after the low hanging fruit” I hope they come across Rob Schneider’s name, because that’s what making fun of him is.  But I’m about to do it, because he’s given me no choice:

Q: So are you political? Like a liberal version of Dennis Miller?

A: I don’t think Dennis Miller is as smart as people think. He’s a fascist. He seems to be manipulated by money. All conservatism is grasping what was radical 90 years ago. There are no ideas. They’re a bunch of nuts like (Fox News Channel’s) Mike Huckabee, who believes the planet is only 500 years old. He’s an idiot. Not that Democrats have any good ideas, either. (President Barack) Obama is my favorite community organizer. He couldn’t run a Kinko’s, so I’m not sure why he’s running the biggest economy on the planet. I think we need to enlist presidents against their own will. Find the most qualified people who don’t want to be president.

First off, I’m going to cut Rob some slack. In the article he states that he’s returning to the circuit after 17 years and wants to have one killer set. Somehow, I doubt he would ever out himself as a fiscal conservative who is socially liberal if that were true. With that said—he’s still an idiot. Here’s why:

  • Everyone knows Dennis Miller is a smart, well read guy.  If fact, sometimes he’s too smart for his own good, engaging in esoteric jokes few people get in front an audience he knows doesn’t get it.  If I thought he was doing it to prompt them to look up Romantic Era British poets it would be one thing, but I get the feeling he’s more pretentious than professorial.
  • The liberal canard that if you disagree with them you’re a “fascist” isn’t going to fly any more. The liberal anti-war movement came to town with body odor and really bad signs…and failed. The Tea Party has come to town armed with Hayek and Batstiat. Rob apparently isn’t impressed with “old” ideas because they’re not new (never mind that basic economics works). The Tea Party will be a force to be reckoned with if they can transition from populist movement to a viable political party (whether that means purging the GOP of it’s weak-kneed elitist establishment clowns and getting it back to its roots, or breaking off to form a third party is yet to be determined).
  • The idea that Dennis Miller has a little radio show “for money” is laughable.  There’s much more money to be made as a shill for liberalism in the entertainment industry than as a conservative radio host.

Question for Rob: It’s been thrown about that Adam Sandler has a few conservative streaks running through his bones. Does that make him a “fascist,” or does he get a pass because he generally keeps his mouth shut? I suppose another theory is that you don’t call him out because he’s been the primary source of your employment for the past decade…

Regardless, Rob accurately states that Barack Obama couldn’t manage a Kinkos.  He then goes on to wonder why Dennis Miller might be livid that the President is trying to fundamentally change the nature of America with Big Government On Steroids and public policy experiments that have historically been dismal failures. Is it possible Dennis Miller doesn’t want the United States to emulate Greece’s recent meltdown? Not in Schneider’s world. Is it possible that Dennis Miller looks at Europe and sees a cultural zombie sadly chewing on itself in the corner? Not in Schneider’s world. And that’s why Rob is a clown.

Dear Rob,

When is another installment of Surf Ninjas coming out? I’d ask when you’ll be playing another Sylvester Stallone sidekick, but after The Expendables we all know what the answer to that is.

Taking a shot at Dennis Miller was a low blow, Rob. It makes me think that as a comedian you’ll be just another Knock Off; fitting, since your judgment is actually worse than Jean Claude Van Damme’s. He turned down a chance to take part in The Expendables, but at least he didn’t pass up JCVD.

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About the Author Douglas Ernst

I'm a former Army guy who believes success comes through hard work, honesty, optimism, and perseverance. I believe seeing yourself as a victim creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. I believe in God. I'm a USC Trojan with an MA in Political Science from American University.

15 comments

  1. That Obama/Kinkos quote is priceless! From a Lib, it’s worth gold.

    By the way, Deuce Bigelow Male Gigolo is an under-rated joy ride (seriously funny).

    1. Thanks for the comment. I’ve been a little busy with work, but I’m going to try and hit the blogs this weekend. I think Rob was just grasping at whatever he thought might get him a headline. No one really cares what Rob says unless it has to do with his SNL days… and for a guy who needs exposure it’s always easy to bash a conservative.

  2. Dennis is a schill for the “fascist” establishment… He is a pseudo-intellect with a big mouth, selling books outside the castle walls. He is constantly telling us how great the inside of the castle walls are. Asshole.

    1. All that’s missing from “Anonymous'” post is to throw in “neo-con,” just to prove what a true intellectual he is. Profanity, too! Zzzzzz. Next.

  3. He’s right, Dennis Miller is an obvious fascist and he oftentimes comes off as a dolt to just about anyone who isn’t a cheerleader for the corporate cocksucking Fox News Channel. Yeah, he’s “well read” in the sense that he has obviously read “Mein Kaupf” and the collected works of Bill O’Reilly and Ayn Rand dozens of times. I guess this passes for “well read” in places like Alabama and Louisiana where almost nobody can actually read.

    1. Your first comment, and Godwin’s Law holds. Congratulations!

      I suppose some people would think Mr. Miller is a dolt; people whose first inclination is to start a discussion with “cocks***king” and Nazi references. People who refer to “Mein Kampf” as “Mein Kauf.”

  4. Dennis Miller is the corniest bloviator on tv/radio. his rambling is so contrived it makes you wonder how many hours he sat up at night spewing this boredom. I so wanted to see Bill O’Reilly on his tour, but why waste my time when half of would be spent listening to this douchebag

  5. 🙂 My respect for Rob Schneider went through the roof based on his comment. Democrats? Republicans? Try “republicrats” or perhaps “demublicans” — either way you get the idea. No difference whatsoever… all working heartily for mammon (and just think, I’m not even religious)… 🙂

  6. I know this article is 6 years and maybe things have changed since then, but what an a-hole move by Schneider. Miller was the guy who gave Schneider his first big break by picking him to open shows for him. He then got him on an HBO special and later SNL.

    1. “I know this article is 6 years and maybe things have changed since then, but what an a-hole move by Schneider. Miller was the guy who gave Schneider his first big break by picking him to open shows for him. He then got him on an HBO special and later SNL.”

      Thanks for the comment, Joe. I’m not up on all of the SNL history, but I definitely know that guys like Dennis Miller were good to Schneider. It just seemed like a total back-stab on Rob’s part to me.

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